Wednesday, 4 July 2018

The dating underbelly for the emotional snowballer

This may just be one of my most emotionally charged posts to date. It's late again, yes...I know, I know, but to be honest with you, where's this year flying off to!? I mean, it's July, excuse me? Sloowww down, life. Haha.

Ahem, tangents Lucy, tangents. Where was I...okay, so, by definition, I can be a bit of a chameleon by persona. I reckon we all are, to suit different occasions. Anyway, after a recent date I had back in May, I thought 'Oh, I may have a game changer here, we actually seem to suit each other!'.
      So anyway, we get to another date and I figured, I'm gonna wear my heart on my sleeve, show a lot more of the "real me", see where it gets me. Well boy could I be more wrong!! Soon after, he bolted. I determined that I was too much, put too much emotion into it. Or maybe my personality is crap HA. (No big up but it's not.) But here's the thing.. I'm 30 years of age. I entered back into the world of single, dating life at a time when society was getting a bit grim. We've got this era of Instagram, comparisons, too much choice, self-obsession..that people just think that there's always something better around the corner; they may be happy but think they can be happier, you know?    
     When will people learn that often, the grass isn't always greener?!

I've come to terms with being single, but when I date, it's actually then that I realise I dislike being 'alone'- for the record, I'm not alone, I have my family and friends but you catch my drift.. Dating is hard these days. You've got no idea what anyone truly wants and that surely must be because no-one is putting any emotion into it and that's so bloody annoying. As a person who know's what they want in a significant person, I don't mind making my feelings clear through action; I have no time to waste, people! When it's reciprocated, you figure you're both on the same page, but when they then disappear, you reallly start questioning not only yourself, but life too. {I am referring to the above fella yes, the pr*ck.}

I'm sure that to many I probably don't appear that emotional & it's true, often I can hide those feelings or thoughts we bottle up from onlookers, but whilst I can appear clear-headed, in the last few years I have also done some soul-searching.. A lot has gone on that has made me self-analyse. Do you find that once you get to your late twenties, you're much more reflective? As much as I like to think that I don't take things personally, I can tend to, especially when I care about something [although, maybe sometimes I care about the idea of something more]. That's a passionate nature though, thus, I can criticise my own persona but at the end of the day, we are our own identity, right? No excuses.

Don't apologise for being a person who's not afraid to show others their feelings, whether that be through action or vocally. There's nothing wrong with being a sensitive soul, but it is important to learn how to control the feelings, so they don't overwhelm you...or potentially, others.
       Take the above dating fiasco. I let my guard down, maybe too soon. Who knows. I was honest, I liked him but who's to say the other person truly is. You take the cues from others but then they change their mind. Perhaps that is just their prerogative ? What I'm saying is, be careful with baring all, but don't feel bad for being true to yourself.

The world is an overstimulated place, and I honestly think that one thing that can ground you and place you in the present moment is making solid connections. For a while now, for me, it's been in the hope of finding a partner I guess. It gets me thinking that maybe a lot of people have an overpowering chatter in their mind or a barrage of emotions which makes them overanalyse dating and the technicalities or "correct etiquette" that it brings...

Expressing yourself has many cognitive, emotional and social benefits and can lead to a more connected, fulfilled life with others, however, when in the company of people who may have a hidden agenda (whether they appear to be on the same page as you or not), it would be best to exercise caution - Something I need to follow myself as clearly, people take more advantage than I originally thought! Take your time when getting to know them–don’t give them too much of yourself too fast

Are you a sensitive person; a sharer; a slave to your emotions ? Here are some tips that can help to control or counteract said emotions: -

Give yourself a break: Those who are empaths/emotional people yearn for the closeness of deep, personal relationships & intimacy but as you may know, that can make dating tricky. You're probably intuitive and likely to pick up on subtle clues that most people won’t see. You may delve into something quickly, letting your feelings run wild. We struggle to let things go and crave downtime. We feel deeply.. but you know what, if a person you're considering dating is making you feel anxious about any of this, don't let them. Uniqueness should be accepted!

Self care: Making space for spiritual connection is a huge part of daily routine for the empath. So much energy is used that you need to make room for silence... Whether that be through meditation, exercise, walking in nature etc. Continue being open and honest and talk about any struggles without hesitation or fear. If you're having a bad day, week or month, don't feel ashamed or guilty..tell someone, but also understand that often, giving yourself quiet time to recharge is key.

Breathe, recite and laugh: Life is a constant wax & wane of good and bad days. If, like me, you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the latter, we're not alone. Sensitive people feel the tidal waves of many emotion, thus, slowing down is really important when you feel triggered.
For ex. Focus on consciously exhaling out tension [take 5 mins every hour to close your eyes & take your mind to a happy, calm space].
I'd also suggest tons of self-compassion. I bet you're an excellent chameleon but I also bet you're also self critical? Mantras are great to keep a daily focus of desire in mind: simply reciting "this too shall pass| I am worthy & strong| if I accomplish one thing, that is still progress." is helpful.
I also find that listening to happy music is one of the best cures to stop emotional snowballing. My go-to is usually some Deep house Ibiza mixes. They lift my mood instantly. Another is watching comedic films, or films that make me ponder: It's good to have a list of some so you can watch straight away. I watched It's Kind of a Funny Story the other week when I felt negative; definitely recommend.

Any other singletons go through this emotional pressure cooker? Or does anyone in general feel your emotional nature is beneficial or negative to your mental health ? Share your tips!

Sunday, 25 March 2018

Retrograde release & Spring is springing!

Soooo, how are we in March already ?! I recall blinking and now it is Easter next week...God knows when that happened.
       Now, it may not look or feel like it, but Spring is here, and if you look hard enough, Mother Nature is trying hard to show us some signs.

Our planetary alignments also work hard at doing just that. (spoiler: this will be a bit spiritual-y, but y'all know how my posts are..) Mercury has gone retrograde in Aries and the Spring Equinox has arrived. Have you been feeling ultra emotional? Hyper-sensitive? That'll be the pre-shadow period for you. So, for a week before Mercury stations you may feel like technology is failing you, delays happen, past feelings/people catch up with you; basically, we're consciously aware of hurts, needs, triggers. Some of us may feel that more. I do as I'm quite a watery sign, but my fire soon bites back.

How can we move forward into April with passion and action, but with purpose and in our best interests? For me, I'm a pretty logical person but in retrograde, I think my perfectionist side gets muddled and confused. I want to get the show on the road but also want to be sure on whether I am right in my decisions, so some Aries, impulsive energy may be good for me to give me some extra fire! Perhaps you too. Remember though, introspection is key here, being impulsive isn't always wise, especially now.

A lot of readers may think getting in touch with your spiritual side is nonsense, but for me, it's helps me become a tad more mindful & eases stress- so it may for you ? You know, we have so much armour on these days that we forget to nurture. Take this time to become more present. Consciously release any physical or mental stress that might be present in your body or mind. Be kind to you, shed the ego and social conditionings. Reinvigorating ourselves can help us to wire ourselves up differently ready for April.

Sometimes, we can chase dreams, achieve goals, compare our lives, that we forget to evaluate things.
This 3 week check-in can help us reanalyse our lives and understand if what we do in our lives is definitely what we want or if any changes can happen. We can refigure out what makes us happy, all around. The whole package of our dream identity might actually be missing a certain je ne sais quoi.. see if you find it again!
       So. Let your sails be set and the winds will blow. If we all have bravery to take charge, we can proceed as our true, selfless selves. What retrograde can do for you, if you wish to apply it, is direct you to a more advanced you- think outside of the box. The seed is ready to grow now, the cocoon of winter needs to be shed. {*note to self}

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, slow down, do some inner work and look at things in a new light. Take a day or two each week to wind down or concentrate on getting jobs you've put off doing (but don't make that taxing, I'm talking spring cleaning, blog work etc!)

My last few weeks have been a bit odd, for want of a better word. With winter vibes clinging on and a feeling of a universal somewhat melancholy, I wanted to grab this chance to perhaps reach out to someone who really needs a pep talk. Misfortune is always greater to someone else and even at our vulnerable states we can find strength

Take care and let me know your thoughts below! If you'd like to hear more of what I love, feel welcome to follow my Insta >>>

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Let's just boss babe this year!

Hi everyone! And hi 2018...I feel kind of freaked out at how quickly the years are flying by if I'm honest. Are you ?

It has also got me to thinking/re-evaluating what is best for me in the route I'm taking in life. Every January I get rather nostalgic and whimsical thinking about goals and past achievements. (I spent last week feeling rotten with a cold so this week can count as my new beginning!)
       This said, this isn't a New Year, New me. No. I want us to continue...continue growing. Resolutions are not needed IMO as they often get broken, ie. I will cut out carbs. Not happening !!

What we can do is: Resolve to try something new. Resolve to be bold. Resolve to grow.
This is the perfect time to get a fresh perspective on your life in the new year and think about what went right in the previous year & work on that. My Instagram & blog have been important to me and it's recently given me insight into what to invest in more. Since reading my January '17 post, I can see some good changes but also some more goals I can focus on. A big dose of self-expansion is my aim and I would love for certain loves of mine to prosper; such as mental health, social work and brain tumour awareness..

I feel like I need to invest in my mind every day to really engage with my true self. I will be the first to admit that last year I still had a subconscious thread of self-doubt that reared its head occasionally. I've had a few years where I've had to work on that (with some huge backup from my mum whom I regard as my truest, best friend a girl can have!) Self-doubt causes so many crappy things to form..anger, unfair comparisons, fear, intrusive thoughts, low mood, procrastination.

So what have I learnt in 2017 and what should change? What wisdom can I spread to one and all!? (..sense my sarcasm please. I'm not the oracle) I will try though: - 

When I read posts from say, a couple of years ago, I can see how my writing style has evolved and blossomed. My posting is not consistent, I know, and I don't really know why but my life just gets in the way and I forget. Bizarre as I love writing; it's therapeutic. I used to keep diaries as a teen but then switched to a daily *to-do diary*. I don't want to look back at this post next year and to not have progressed, so by March I would like to publish my brain tumour story and perhaps begin a book as such - if the interest arises of course. 

I really enjoy the spiritual path I've been on & it's helped to understand myself more. However, I have lots I want to learn and as much as I like to learn through trial & error, I could do with some guidance and teaching so more books perhaps, witchy tools, affirmations or a Buddhist course. I want to heighten my energetic vibrations and align with the Universe.

No more excuses or procrastination. This really is my demon sometimes. I have a lot of thoughts that whirl around my head a lot of the time so I certainly need to re-centre myself and gain focus and energy from something very positive such as meditation or alternative therapies.  

I wish to pay attention to matters of wellness. I'm 30 years old now {blimey.} and my health is important- I also want to be in the best shape I can, for me. Be mindful of my diet and exercise self-discipline when it comes to naughty foods that disagree with IBS symptoms! When I do work out, I never regret it but my problem is staying on track for sure. 

Last year, I felt like a lot of misguided judgements were pointed at me. I'm fairly intuitive and definitely felt like every time I tried to date, for instance, a barrier was put in the way {not by me!} I don't know if that's down to the society we live in, or that men just don't get my fairly dark humour. I mean, come-on it's 2018, let's not be so serious yeh!? No-one likes a wet fish. It's not just that though, as a fiery person, I'm also empathetic so it's hard to shake things off. My mum has felt pretty burned by last year; she's what people call a very friendly, lovely, helpful person but that can have its burdens. I won't go further but this year needs to be about balance of character; learning to develop on positive characteristics, let things go but staying true to self ultimately. 

A positive mindset generally begins with self-care I think. Never feel guilty for nurturing yourself. When you take care of you, there’s more of you to go around other people. Make time to relax, whether that's enjoying a warm bath or getting outdoors. I'm making it my mission to take up new hobbies..I love to walk in Wales or the Lake District, so more of that please. But extend it further, tick off the travel list, join a dance club. What I'm saying is, do more of what you love this year. No excuses and no apologies. Claim what you desire!

So..girls (& guys), be the biggest #bossbabe you can this this 2018. Take your dreams, and pursue them by the balls...