A different kind of autumn feel!

I can hardly believe we are now near November, guys! Any reader of mine will know by now that I am a lover of the autumn season. It's an enchanting time..the changing of beautiful, jewelled coloured leaves, cosy knitted jumpers, pumpkin, spices, the chill of the wind in the sunshine.

     However. I haven't craved the cooler weather or darker nights as much. After the grim year that we've had, which is still enduring, I kind've want summer back, please! I don't want cold or dark; I want light, everywhere. I do believe I'd happily welcome said season if I felt less of a gloomy cloud over the world- As previous posts show, I have been open over the happenings of the pandemic. I probably have not divulged my inner most thoughts, as they are varied/ different. I'm not planning on discussing further unless wanted, but it's definitely had an impact on how I feel right now. 

     Or whether you believe or not, it could be mercury retrograde (ends 3rd Nov) It has the ability to make you tense or even moodier. Getting your point across and sharing thoughts and emotions is trickier do to in a constructive, easy-to-understand manner. What I do find cathartic about the fall equinox is that it demands you do some shadow work. It compels you to seek the truth from within and look at who you want to be and what prevents it. 

As most festive holidays are essentially cancelled, in terms of gatherings, I am being optimistic about life. Have a new job to work on, have lovely family and friends (although recent views have definitely differed for sure, but we're all unique!) It's just a shame that celebrations are not fun-filled. Children will likely not be 'trick or treating,' soo I've : -

• made a little pumpkin patch outside my door, so at least kids can see that as the nights draw in- I wish I'd gone bigger but I didn't have time really and..
• I usually bake around this time, but like the grown adult that I am, I'm going to make a gingerbread house. Why not, right !?  

If you were not aware, pumpkins are a symbol of protection and ward off evil. Orange symbolises positivity, along with success, harvest and warmth. It coincides indeed with fire, to which I am gutted that there will be no Bonfire Night. So much elemental magic! Sparklers anyone...

So above is a previous selection of my autumn creations. How do we create a witchy aesthetic this autumn then ? Along with the ideas above, here are a few more...

A lot of people are now working from home, and whilst many of us may feel there isn't a whole lot to look forward to this winter or Christmas, with Covid overshadowing lives & lockdowns taking place, the changing colours of the leaves will add interest and joy. Drink in nature as much as you can. Talk a walk in a park, visit some open gardens, take some pics of our magnificent trees! Exercise is so important right now, along with breathing in fresh air. Organic loveliness. 

If celebrations may feel more solitary for you this year, create autumnal decor in your home. First up, light! Candles and lanterns create a cosy hue, but LED lights are a safe alternative too, esp to add a tealight in pumpkins. Then scent; vanilla, gingerbread, cinnamon. Decorate with conkers, acorns, pine cones, leaves. Garlands & wreaths in rusty red, green, gold, purple all add to the vibe. Don't forget bedding or throws- add hot chocolate/warm cider and you're set!

Give thanks and gratitude. This season is all about transition, hope, remembrance. It's a great time to count your blessings, embrace the unknown and know that surrendering to darkness brings renewal and abundance. Take it to a spookier level and walk around a cemetery. Take that time to reflect, toast the season and speak to ancestors.

Have close family or friends over and make a night of it. Cook with seasonal foods, root veggies. A good, hearty meal with potatoes, onions, squash, carrots. Bake, bake, bake! Apple pie, cookies, devils food cake. Watch a scary movie marathon: Practical Magic, The Craft, Hocus Pocus, The Others, Halloween, The Shining, Casper, The Conjuring, An interview with a vampire, Tim Burton/Guillermo del Toro {You get the gist}

Life thus far: An overview

I did have a particular theme I wanted to discuss for this latest post, which I still intend to do, however, me being me, my mind raced on to manyyy other subjects, so I figured I may as well do a ramble. Damn you, brain!     Disclosure: Involves discussion of MH issues. 

So here we are, August. Really?! Mind is blown. This year is just a global disaster huh. However, we have got to make the most of it all, right. These last couple of months have been thought-provoking for me. I had an attack a month or so ago. Lasted 20 minutes & it was the first I'd had in a long time. It was a Sunday evening (great timing- work next day) and I could sense it brewing. I had panic and nausea all day; I went to my room. I had a surge on intense dread, thoughts racing, uncontrollable crying, couldn't catch my breath, trembling. To re-centre, I focused on reality& mindful awareness; pinpointing objects around me, focused on breath as much as possible. It was just horrible.
      Anyway, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. I knew that I felt like life was overwhelming me, thoughts imploding. So it had to stop right there! I do myself no favours keeping 'a face on.'- maintaining my usual, friendly, cheerful self. My poor, dear mum is basically my therapist (no joke) and that's totally unfair. I do have good knowledge of myself, my management techniques, but I shouldn't always keep my issues SO separate from social life, for ex. I urge people who have such problems to discuss more with friends. I enjoy being there for others, offering advice, agony aunt...but it'll get on top of you ^as above. Seek help, always.

We all have different ways of reacting or responding to events don't we. A pandemic has taught many people this, if nothing else! Mask wearing in some indoor settings became compulsory 24th July. Pubs/restaurants/hairdressers etc from 4th July. It really has been a godsend to me to enjoy that sense of normality in a pub. Blogging is definitely a cathartic process. It's important to discuss current events and document your own observations. With local lockdowns recently appearing, one may say there's still trouble ahead. I completely understand that this wholly scares people. We've been dealing with storms that we've never experienced before. The negativity of the news and media is 24/7, pretty much. This not only preys on emotions but will keep many people glued to the TV. Please, go about life normally and safely but remember that life is an investment in yourself. We have to keep evolving. Be authentic and seek your purpose. Listen to news briefly but invest some time in critical info, if you need to be up to date.


















I've been re-watching films occasionally that have touched me in some form:
The way we were
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind
Benjamin Button
The Vow
Brain on Fire
A beautiful mind...Many more to follow I'm sure. These films inspire me. They're powerful in terms of hope, love of life, passion, mental health, loss of love, destiny. I could go on! My point is, we spend a lot of time looking in to the future that we forget the present. Some of us excessively worry. *hands up hsp* We need to truly and mindfully relax. Take that time to watch films when you can, something to really make you think, or cry, or laugh.
      I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder/intermittent depression in 2015 by my neuropsychologist. As my personal journey is unique, abi is also a factor. So, in theory, I have been on medication to help with my migraines and MH struggles since '13. The tension of wanting to solve the cause of your anxiety will result in wasting time running around in an inner maze of self-perpetuating worry. By using techniques I've listed above, or within my blog, it all helps to ease tension. Should it arise though, try this: anxiety feels like a voice, 'time to worry about everything.' Cue the sense of dread& cue a relaxation exercise. Choose something calming (stress ball, visualisation, colour therapy etc), practice often and use the words 'Don't listen or Stop it.' Say it loud.
      Obviously, cognitive distortion is not a helpful mindset & may be something that some of you are experiencing. Here's a great link:  https://inside.ewu.edu/caps/self-help/stress-management/distorted-thinking/
I truly believe there's a moral to everything, like films, there's a moral somewhere. A lesson for you to learn. It might be good or bad but we have to go through that to reach what we truly deserve and have wished for.

As we navigate through life, know that nothing lasts forever. There are silver linings at the edge of the orange-tinged horizon.

I'm not sure what this post turned into quite frankly! Info/tips spam, haha. I hope it's helpful x

 

Lets talk resilience

It's been a good two months since my last post..It's been a tumultuous 2 months. Definitely a significant year in our contemporary history!

2020 certainly is the year of an (ongoing) global pandemic of not only COVID, but also of worldwide protests against racism and police violence. Now, I want to make it clear that indeed, I feel empathy towards those who've suffered a loss of friends or relatives due to the virus, and also understand the huge plight of the world taking a stand against structural racism. However, we all have thoughts, feelings and opinions that differ to other people and all emotions are valid. I want to discuss how I've been dealing with my own resilience recently, and offer some skills/tips, because I don't know about you, but I've found life tricky- Particularly in the last month. On the whole, my resilience is very good. I've been through such struggles, that I can tolerate a lot. For ex. Having spent a month in a hospital, you feel institutionalised. Adjusting to "normality" can be tough, but I've begun to have that sensation again; feeling caged in...
       Do you remember the #bekind campaign that was floating around before the virus came alone? Yeah, me neither! I've observed so much over these months that make me think how fickle humans are. The hatred that comes spewing out of people's mouths. It's mind boggling. People say everything is for "justice reasons," but honestly, it's looks like anger and fear to me. What message does this send ? I witness judgement of others, probably of myself also; who knows. What are people lacking in their lives when they have supported in developing division during this lockdown.
       Non mask wearers vs those that do; people who 'Tut' at you if you accidentally don't follow the marked arrows in supermarkets; or the multiple people who glared at me and snarkily looked at my 87 year old grandmother whom I took out for the first time in three months of her shielding indoors. [It has been difficult for my grandmother to compute all of the mass media, and she doesn't wholly understand the need for the imposed regulations etc- So imagine how bewildering places are now for her] What a dire manner to act around an elderly lady. I honestly don't know how people have the emotional energy to hold on to such strong opinions that they then deem as factual; a lot of the time, it's unsubstantiated. What's happened to alternative thinking. The human race has become too carefree and irresponsible with their actions & thoughts.

The pandemic has clearly offered an opportunity for us to use this reset to be more conscious and to think about how we can improve, as individuals and collective. For ex, I do think a huge positive has been that the lockdown has provided a lifeline for rough sleepers. Thousands have been given shelter, security & help- fantastic. Although, what happens next & also, why did it take a pandemic to sort this out? Social issues like this really highlight how the Tory Gov. have had important issues directed in their faces! We’re living in extraordinary times.

Stay with me...The above has developed in to somewhat of a prologue.

The last three months has triggered increased anxiety for many. The virus outbreak has had such heightened media attention, which has sparked feelings that some people are not accustomed to. I have found that this last month has been my hardest. I was feeling self-doubt and lacking in self love. Feeling an amount of distress that was affecting my emotional wellbeing. Now, I know that adapting to life's changes hasn't been difficult at all for some, which is totally fine but I can't say I've enjoyed the "new norm." I've been in regular contact with friends (online), working & more recently, had a walk with friends (separate occasions) and visited family. It had been three months that I'd not seen my nephews- This is tough for us all, yes. However, it got me to thinking why do I feel low, so non-resilient.
       I've been missing things. The things that give me pleasure. If I didn't think I was a person who needs human interaction or a social butterfly, I know now! People watching hasn't felt the same either haha. Work has helped; seeing colleagues. Generally it's "normal", but the added stress of staff shortage never helps haha. The buzz of a chaotic city is a distant memory.

I‘ve always had an ability to be happy and productive alone & I've evolved enough to be content in losing myself in tasks but I genuinely miss it all: restaurants, theatre, country houses, cinema, camping, shopping, pubs, dating. At least we've been able to walk around country parks, but dating, boy oh boy...that's a biggie for me. I miss men. Period.

       This may come across as 'moan & groan,' apologies, but it leads me nicely to resilience. If we define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity/trauma, it is fair to say my positive adaptation and ability to maintain MH has fallen in recent times. Resilience involves, bouncing back, remaining flexible, keeping going & staying well. 
       I may or may not be alone with the feeling of lacking in this strength right now, but if I’m not, you can at least now have knowledge that you are not alone! 

So, I looked back on my peer work training, and had a good read through my ‘first aid kit’ and resilience tools. It’s been extremely helpful at regaining insight in to my own behaviours. Those of us who suffer from MH issues will understand what’s knocks us off balance. My ‘off day signs’ had become to blur into the week, so I knew I had to pick myself up again.

My toolkit includes a combination of aspects: -
physical: sleep, exercise, breathing exercises, good diet, medication
mental: recognise triggers, seek help or access online groups, impulse control, reflection, acceptance
spiritual: lighting incense/candles, meditation, being around nature, positive quotes
emotional: be around animals, social support, clean and declutter, laughter, podcasts

This first aid kit is not exhaustive. It could include other simple acts such as, watch a new drama series, practice gratitude, cook and so forth..

I think it is fair to say that everyone is struggling in some capacity, and we need to consistently prepare ourselves. Stress can make it difficult to make even the smallest decisions about life. In order to approach new tasks and situations optimistically, developing a wellness plan helps us to develop resilience and helps you intervene quickly when you spot early warning signs. Mindfulness aids us to enjoy the present moment, task or event at a time, taking that pressure away

I really hope someone can take something from my scribing and it’s urged them to look at their own resilience. Remember what resilience also is not- We all have vulnerabilities and weakness at times. This is not failure. We can get back on that horse and ride again, once more and feel excited for life being "normal" again..

   

Pandemic Opportunities

Hey, hi, hello
Salut, ciao, shalom

My goodness. What a time it is on Earth right now, huh. So with life on a global lockdown, I thought I'd shed some light into how I'm handling things/interpreting life (or COVID-19 as we now recognise our life, as is)

The UK has entered its fourth week of lockdown & it is feeling bloody tough, and this is coming from someone who is comfortable with and enjoys their own company! I am "semi-isolating," meaning I'm working most of the week. My ward has four positive cases, so went into isolation, which meant PPE, indeed. I work with the elderly community for some of my time, so I'm aware of their vulnerability & risk. The coinciding Easter/annual leave has meant I've had nearly a week at home..and I have to admit, it has sent me almost insane. It's so very easy to get lost in worry and stress in these times of uncertainly, and that's what's been getting me into a panic- mostly about the future (not a rarity for me but I'm hyper attuned to it) and not just my future, but as a collective. This pandemic is a tragedy, in terms of both the loss of lives and collateral damage.

Lets be honest here, the position we're in is potentially risky for mental health, depending on how you approach it. Somehow, we have to stay connected to the big picture, stay centred and grounded.
So how can we thrive during the ongoing time? How can we gain and learn something, rather than dwelling on the losses- I'll be honest, I'm beginning to struggle. This has all been necessary of course, but for many, it's a big adjustment & worry, in terms of the wider economic impact. I'm empathetic towards every person on the frontline, but I'm also feeling much compassion towards the substantial uncertainty about the impact on people’s lives and livelihoods (which covers a wide range of issues)

As it has just been Easter, we have had to celebrate indoors. We've had glorious sunshine, which I took advantage of, but on the Sunday, I believe, I felt somewhat deflated. No energy to do a fat lot. Made use of the garden, but tv too*
    I did talk to friends in the evening, but productivity levels were loooww. So going back to above paragraph, I know that my anxiety is triggered big time. We have to give ourselves a lot of love. I've found going to the supermarket difficult if I'm honest; I understand the protocol, the reasoning, physical distancing my words, but I am impatient. If you know me, you know. So yeah, I've had to learn to slow things down.
What is the new paradigm here? Will we have a revived appreciation of the outdoors and life's simple pleasures? Will we realise the benefits to human connection and camaraderie...I hope so. April is calling for us to look within; shake up your routine and look at new ways of thinking. Consider what your personal roadmap looks like & what needs to change or stay exactly as is- relationship, career, dynamics etc. Are there people in your life that you could do without, platforms that no longer serve you. Perhaps there is a missed opportunity you could seek back ? Now is the time to think about what is the world ready for, what do we wish to change..collectively and individually.

Having this "time off" is definitely not a vacation. No-one takes a holiday quarantined in their house, right!? People of the more introverted personality still value time outdoors, hugely, to protect their MH. So, set an intent, a goal, objective and use time & structure to think about progress and get that to-do list done! We need to look forward as human beings. When we stay stuck in the mud, that's where depression seeps in.

Having our freedom, liberties, the outdoors and general activities taken away certainly opens your eyes to the precious time we do have. Take away the distractions..technology/social media. This time we have demands structure [I AM AIMING THIS AT MYSELF TOO] Consider a dopamine detox for a few days a week. Abstain from those enjoyable, yet addictive habits. For many of us these days, that'll be social media, tv, alcohol, overeating. Let your brain rewire and take time to concentrate on responsibilities, reading, studying, exercise. You'll find that you'll be far more motivated when you teach yourself that before you get that hit of dopamine, you need to work for it first. Associate the work with the reward and you'll be more likely to repeat the work so you know you can get the dopamine rush!

If we actively engage with reality with discipline, we can commit to pushing outside of our comfort zones occasionally. For example, complete tasks you've been putting off doing around the house or level up on personal development. It can be tricky to stick to a routine currently, so free online courses maintain a good structure at weekends perhaps, particularly if you're interested in gaining a new job or new skills to apply in your field

Finally, lets face it, we can't be "in the zone" 24/7, and our wellbeing isn't a marathon. It shifts and improves all the time. Now more than ever, we need to feel calm, so think of the little things...For me, de-cluttering/spring cleaning, meditation/soothing ASMR, light lavender incense, have an "in house salon" [bath, nails, shave, blowdry hair]

Woah, I apologise if this got a bit heavy. I just want my readers to have the knowledge that there is definitely more than Netflix to do during this really confusing, sad, odd time. Not that I'm saying it's bad; we all binge watch as it's often needed, but it will drain you like an energy vampire- we don't need added toxicity! *as noted
This said, I don't have Netflix so I don't get to see Tiger King. Spare a thought for me, ha. Re-runs of True Blood is my chosen vice ;-)

I hope Easter has been a joyous one, even with the difficulties we are all faced with. Remember, when we get back to some normality, we must seek to continue some kind've path to enlightenment to connection and becoming present. Really present.

My 2020 New Year musings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy 2020. I hope that you've enjoyed the festivities and that the new year gives you everything you desire. I cannot believe another decade has zoomed by. I feel good about the '20s I think. She says. I felt bloated & sluggish on NYD so I exercised and went for a winter walk. Then it was back to work, reality. I have shed loads of things to attain and achieve and this did give me some panic- but with some great pep talks from my family and friends over the Christmas period, I am determined to get what I desire.

I wanted to get rid of a horrid situation (so many things about it angered me, that I thought I'd share it with you!) But nahh, I'm not going to air too much dirty laundry; this is not Dear Diary haha. It's unfair so I'll remove most of the narrative but the gist is >>
      So, if you look back on my previous post, I had been dating someone for a while: Decent, interesting person I thought; a few red flags I chose to ignore because I felt an emotional connection that seemed compelling. Meh. Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that someone is cheating- But apparently guys, he wasn't, because we'd ended [I, however wasn't aware of the fact.] Not to worry though, as no hurt was intended (!) Yada yada. Whilst they were going through some struggles, whilst I was constantly trying to check up on how he was...I got told "I need space" They saw fit to give someone else the opportunity to support & care for them. Wow, huh.
      You know when you look back and know exactly where you went wrong yourself, apologised & would have happily talked it over, but cannot fathom why the other person could never understand your point of view? That is disappointing stuff right there! head over to my Insta to see a more insightful post. With this said, my door is always kindly open to unfinished business. 

The aggravating thing is that I think when you put two opposite people together, there are many differences to work through of course, but in my opinion, the intimacy is off the scale.. And maybe, I value that a whole lot more than other people.
Destruction follows, chaos follows. We all make mistakes; no-one's perfect, but I know that whatever move I make, I take accountability of it. Own up. I do at least like people to understand my logic! You have to accept that the energies are for your highest good. Toxic energy leaves for a reason- and I'm not talking about just relationships.

Thing is, when these things happen, I instantly think, oh it's my fault. What's wrong with me, I'm the denominator. What has someone else got that I haven't. My thoughts become obsessive and negative. NO LUCY NO
This was not good. Horrendous whilst I was keeping up appearances at work etc. Then my birthday came in Nov and I thought, screw it, if someone who I cared about could go behind my back like that, I deserve a respectful man; not someone who made me doubt myself. Someone who appreciates you, wants to understand you and your idiocracies. We need solid don't we, no silly games. 2020 is a time you gain that, even if that means being your own soulmate.

The power is our own. Our choices are our own. I put lots of things in motion last year yet it still didn't feel right. I need to trust my own choices and instincts more, but also take risks this year. I know that I can easily hold back on things that I particularly want but it equally scares me. So I sabotage it - or do I? I certainly don't deserve to be discarded. I have an appreciation of people with mental health issues. I work in MH. I always wish to support, but I won't tolerate anyone adding to my own stresses unless they take responsibility for their own actions. You reap what you sow. Hi Karma!

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Soo I'm taking inspiration from a previous post of mine: Boss babe Spiritually, 2020 will be a big, powerful year of change and reward. I'm hoping for physical manifestation. If you see the number 4 flying around, take that as a very positive sign from the Universe :-) 4 is power, foundation, elemental. I want to take heed of my above post and embrace self care & wellness. Consider healthy new habits and routines to get into better shape: reading more often, go for long walks, take up that hobby that should have happened in 2019...

So what will be on your Self Care List? Maybe try writing a small goal could be set for relationships, career, interests, physical/mental health, personal growth. Whatcha reckon, fancy joining me on a quest to let go of habits that hold you back, cope with stressful situations with more ease, plan fun things to do in advance, find a beautiful love, heal from grief ??