A Springtime update

Hey All- It appears that I've neglected my little space in the blogosphere, yet again :( That's on me. Life has been very busy and I've been meaning to reconnect but it's finding time and momentum. Within the chaos, there's likely been some writer's block.

28/04: I began writing this on a day where I'd banked overtime hours at work and taking the day off.. Finally! I could discuss every event of the past eight months, but I can shelve that for now. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet; she says. I want it to give me some impetuous to get writing some more beefy contents (again, she says..Life forever gets in my way!) I need to remedy the writers block by writing a little journal update for now :-)

I attended a wedding during the Easter weekend; my partner's sister. The weather was brilliant, the sun was shining (which made a change from the wind & rain we'd had) The day went really well. Nick (boyf) and I had a week off work last week and sadly, the sun shone twice. Wonderful. Those signs of spring really do make me feel so happy. The older I've gotten, I do feel like I suffer from S.A.D.. Anyone else? Everything improves for me when sunshine is around; my health certainly improves; Vit D helps my skin, my mental health, energy levels, optimism, lowers irritability. The UK doesn't see enough sunshine in my opinion (I'm sure some would disagree..) Beltane and May Day is approaching and going by past posts, it's a time of year I love Retrograde release & Spring is springing! May is on its way and the Taurus energy always brings good things I feel, weather warms up, flowers bloom, the desire to connect with nature beckons! 

      With the year just flying by, the beginning of spring is a nice way to wind down & think about what's important to you and what matters. Of course, going to a wedding is a nice event but it can make you consider your own internal goal posts. I'm 35. We all have hopes & dreams through life. That said, things change. Over the last few years, I've done lots of soul searching and opened my eyes to lots of things. Marriage is a lovely thing sure, but now I'm older, it doesn't take away from a partnership and love, without the ring and paper. 09/05: We bumped into some folks that Nick knew at the weekend who asked if we were engaged (HAHA! Boyf must've panicked) Why do people feel they should ask that? I don't mind though, people are curious beings. Of course it's been spoken of. But it's not high on the agenda. Other things are. Things that are just as stressful & emotionally/ mentally draining- I hope to discuss this one day in much more depth, but for now, it's a personal experience.

Luckily, I have a partner that is on the same page as me (He says so anyhow...!) We have some more renovation work in the home; We sorted a new driveway out in February- Can't believe it was that long ago. There's lots more we need to work on, but it's expense and time. We'll get there I'm sure, if we stay focused.

I had a nightmare few months with my car, since December of last year. At the fault of others obviously. It was absolute chaos and made Christmas a difficult time for me, emotionally to be honest. Not to mention, financially. Nick surprised me with a trip to Disneyland Paris for November- I'm so thankful for that. That'll be our holiday I think. A few days away. I'm very excited. I feel it's really important to have things to look forward to in life, no matter how small. Look up happiful.com for interesting tips and articles for a happy life.

09/05: It is now post-Coronation too. Less I say about that the better. I cannot believe people would cheer such grotesque wealth when we have the cost of living crisis. It honestly baffles me. I may likely discuss this in more detail due to the social injustice and inequality of it all. 

      On that note, I'll say adieu but if there's any topics you'd like me to talk about, by all means, get in touch with me :-)

My 2020 New Year musings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy 2020. I hope that you've enjoyed the festivities and that the new year gives you everything you desire. I cannot believe another decade has zoomed by. I feel good about the '20s I think. She says. I felt bloated & sluggish on NYD so I exercised and went for a winter walk. Then it was back to work, reality. I have shed loads of things to attain and achieve and this did give me some panic- but with some great pep talks from my family and friends over the Christmas period, I am determined to get what I desire.

I wanted to get rid of a horrid situation (so many things about it angered me, that I thought I'd share it with you!) But nahh, I'm not going to air too much dirty laundry; this is not Dear Diary haha. It's unfair so I'll remove most of the narrative but the gist is >>
      So, if you look back on my previous post, I had been dating someone for a while: Decent, interesting person I thought; a few red flags I chose to ignore because I felt an emotional connection that seemed compelling. Meh. Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that someone is cheating- But apparently guys, he wasn't, because we'd ended [I, however wasn't aware of the fact.] Not to worry though, as no hurt was intended (!) Yada yada. Whilst they were going through some struggles, whilst I was constantly trying to check up on how he was...I got told "I need space" They saw fit to give someone else the opportunity to support & care for them. Wow, huh.
      You know when you look back and know exactly where you went wrong yourself, apologised & would have happily talked it over, but cannot fathom why the other person could never understand your point of view? That is disappointing stuff right there! head over to my Insta to see a more insightful post. With this said, my door is always kindly open to unfinished business. 

The aggravating thing is that I think when you put two opposite people together, there are many differences to work through of course, but in my opinion, the intimacy is off the scale.. And maybe, I value that a whole lot more than other people.
Destruction follows, chaos follows. We all make mistakes; no-one's perfect, but I know that whatever move I make, I take accountability of it. Own up. I do at least like people to understand my logic! You have to accept that the energies are for your highest good. Toxic energy leaves for a reason- and I'm not talking about just relationships.

Thing is, when these things happen, I instantly think, oh it's my fault. What's wrong with me, I'm the denominator. What has someone else got that I haven't. My thoughts become obsessive and negative. NO LUCY NO
This was not good. Horrendous whilst I was keeping up appearances at work etc. Then my birthday came in Nov and I thought, screw it, if someone who I cared about could go behind my back like that, I deserve a respectful man; not someone who made me doubt myself. Someone who appreciates you, wants to understand you and your idiocracies. We need solid don't we, no silly games. 2020 is a time you gain that, even if that means being your own soulmate.

The power is our own. Our choices are our own. I put lots of things in motion last year yet it still didn't feel right. I need to trust my own choices and instincts more, but also take risks this year. I know that I can easily hold back on things that I particularly want but it equally scares me. So I sabotage it - or do I? I certainly don't deserve to be discarded. I have an appreciation of people with mental health issues. I work in MH. I always wish to support, but I won't tolerate anyone adding to my own stresses unless they take responsibility for their own actions. You reap what you sow. Hi Karma!

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Soo I'm taking inspiration from a previous post of mine: Boss babe Spiritually, 2020 will be a big, powerful year of change and reward. I'm hoping for physical manifestation. If you see the number 4 flying around, take that as a very positive sign from the Universe :-) 4 is power, foundation, elemental. I want to take heed of my above post and embrace self care & wellness. Consider healthy new habits and routines to get into better shape: reading more often, go for long walks, take up that hobby that should have happened in 2019...

So what will be on your Self Care List? Maybe try writing a small goal could be set for relationships, career, interests, physical/mental health, personal growth. Whatcha reckon, fancy joining me on a quest to let go of habits that hold you back, cope with stressful situations with more ease, plan fun things to do in advance, find a beautiful love, heal from grief ?? 

 

January Realisations.

So the dreaded January has vanished...and I for one am thrilled! I do hope 2018 was a productive one for all ? The new year is definitely in full swing and on paper, my month has been good, but in theory, I've hit some hurdles and it's affected my month. Thankfully, I'm a resilient character & have drowned thoughts out during the days {however, when you have had sinusitis for a week after not being ill in years, and feel ready for your next B12 shot, you know you need to do some cathartic writing!} 

For my own sanity/mental health and protection of a close family member, I don't wish to delve too much into the finer details, but dealing with negative events that occur within your own household are not topics you like to broadcast but lately, I am feeling particularly reflective and wish to discuss some serious matters...In the hope of reaching out to someone who perhaps deals with a Jekyll & hyde character. Or use it as you will!

No-one, especially someone close, should make you feel inadequate and doubt your own skills. For instance, empathy is very different to sympathy- 'feeling sorry' for a person or thinking about how you would feel in their situation, doesn't quite cut it. If you find that you're not getting the sufficient support you may need, I say...swim to another path, change direction. I always think of myself as family-oriented. I love all of my family; my brothers are everything, my nephews whom I adore, every single person, but you sometimes become aware of bad vibes that make you second guess yourself, why? Why should any-one make you feel discouraged or dampen your spirit

Sometimes, you realise who is true to you and who isn't. I find it really tough if said people are actually 'family'. In my opinion, the definition of the word means support, security, someone who shares your problems:: Many nurturing connotations right!?

Now surely, family (or friends) shape our personalities- we learn from one another through our lives; they boost self-confidence, speak truths, grow from mistakes, own responsibility....
       If you suddenly find the opposite happening, what do you do? Cut ties, remove the toxicity, resume routines, accept unwarranted opinions? Unfortunately, it's happened to me previously with someone, and it's a horrible feeling. Eventually, you confront it head on, you talk, argue even, agree to disagree, forgive but never forget, explain your reasoning for removal. Thankfully, it all worked out, talking and listening in a non-judgmental manner was hugely advantageous!! I just hope my latest situation sorts out just the same...

If you've followed my blog or looked back at my previous posts, you will have read that I've had a tad of a rollercoaster ride since I was 16. Now I can't stress enough that I have never made an excuse of anything in my life due to the fact of having brain surgery- but due this fact, I was changed as a person but I'm pretty proud of how far I've come. I may have hit a bad patch some time ago, but I work hard at being me & haters aren't wanted! I won't tolerate negative verbal diatribe headed towards either my mother, or me. When you have the biggest fan who happens to be your mum, anyone knows how strong that bond is.
     
       So, is any of this familiar to you !? I'd love to hear some stories or tips on how you respond...
For now, happy February ❤️

Hands up masochists!!

Emotional Masochism.

Now there's a opening statement for you! I was having a read through my blog and how I wish to enhance it to its full potential {because it really needs it!} Anyway, I was thinking to myself, "What would my readers like to read; articles about beauty, fashion, adventures...which I do love. Or real life? Some insights into my soul, my personal issues or just my everyday life"-- And from this, I discovered that my readers get the most satisfaction from reading about how I get through life with the added pressures that may come about, due to internal struggles that have occurred from time to time.
       So I'm sticking with that! If you feel differently or think of anything I could improve upon, let me know..I'm just a message away guys!

In my last post [sorry, how long ago Luce?] we were in the depths of Spring, well now we have here our Summer Solstice, yay :-) Offering us some flighty, warm feels, hope and fiery energy. Yes? Well not for everyone. I'm doing well but not everyone has those sunny, light emotions and it can be an isolating, confusing time for some. We have also endured, as a Universe, some horrific Terror attacks, natural disasters and fires. The list is endless and devastating, but this in itself can make may a person quite fearful.

For those who suffer from an invisible/mental illness, just because there is a lightness or warmth in the air, it doesn't mean that their troubles just disappear, and unfortunately not everyone has the skill of empathy to understand that fact. For some people, getting out of bed in the morning is a huge task; they may torment themselves for not being happy*, be on the verge of tears.   *never feel bad about that
       For example, we're half way through the year which can flood us with some tricky astro alignments that can cause the worry about your next steps in life's next cycle. Do you ever feel like this? It can seem like one step forward & two back, and in the past six months I've definitely had feelings of…'what have I learned, am I fitter, why haven't I dated, have I saved enough ££' This kind of masochism makes you feel as though you're on a rollercoaster 100% of the time. Perhaps flip those thoughts and consider the rollercoaster as a practice run: Life is a journey!
       There can be pressure during the longer, brighter days to not emotionally hibernate or get stuck in a loop. This surely is tough going if your 'get up & go' has flown. I say it alll the time, but as it is summer, get yourself out in nature, exercise, listen to birdsong, bring colourful, aromatic flowers indoors. Trust that it'll improve your wellbeing, even if it's just a smidge.

Carrie Bradshaw proclaims "I must be some sort of masochist or something" - SATC.

Why do we do this. Go round in circles. We know it's bad, we know it's insane but still, there's a lingering self-flagellation going on…the subconsious want of experiencing pain and ache, even though it does you no good. La Douleur Exquise. It's a pretty sadomasochism point of view but it's true. It's pain that becomes more intense, psychosomatic. A flood of worry and uncertainty can consume a person so quickly, even when life has been improving. Enough-Don't do it-Don't destroy the good elixir! Find that helpful resource and focus on that; be it a friend, parent, an animal or therapist. I recently heard that the most evolved people are the most broken. Who knows if that is true, but that colourful past you have, embrace it. Emotionally torturing oneself over & over will only lead to heartache. Think of law of attraction, you've done the work so the world will do the rest- we need to learn to let things shift for the better by themselves...

If you can take any tips from me, which I hope someone can, remember that the year is not over. Life is not over for you. Perhaps an open heart can lead to an open mind & anything can happen. Good, bad, sometimes we never know but 2017 in particular is all about new beginnings and manifestation. Use that to your advantage; live those days, don't question why you're doing so well and then revert back to type in a state of emotional chaos. Is it worth it? 

Respect. Seek only respect!

Well hi Guys! And hi June! Where did that spring from soo quickly then eh ? 6 months into the year and I already feel like I need a "do-over" haha. 

So, where have I been…what have I been doing. A month & no post. I can't excuse it can I!? My apologies. I've been all over the shop. May was a good month. How was yours?
        Sun came out to greet the UK (sparingly!) but it wasn't without its up&downs. Is my life ever - she says. Haha. I'm cool with that! Being made aware I need to have my wisdom teeth out & that I'm pretty much as blind as a bat was a big annoyance (not my greatest tradeoff to have from my b.tumour!) 

Anywayyy, here's to the summer lovely ones, and my topic of said here post. My gorgeous dear friend Fénian used to say I thrive on stress. This is true, some of us are wired up in a highly strung way, but we all have a breaking point don't we. 
        In the midst and angst of my months hairodramas, theatre trips, planegeeking, meltdowns, social work wonderments and {hashtag}singlelife gloom, I thought a few things over… Now, when I have good days, I consider myself to be a somewhat smart, friendly, lively, kind and loyal human being. I know when to be confident; not arrogant, not cocky, but I can use ego when need be. I like to see myself as someone who is determined, has had setbacks and desires to inspire others. 

My mum, for instance, is the strongest woman I know. She's loving & caring but goes about life in a subtle way, not seeking praise. That to me, deserves respect and I definitely would love to be more like her. 

To get back to the point, all the negative things that you may feel, about life or self, they must be turned into a positive. Now, it's hard; I know it more than most. If you have a bad month; week; day, think about how you would like to be perceived. Do you ever feel like people have high (or low) expectations of you? I do. Feeling judgement from others can make you feel a whole lot worse. However, you can use it. Use it as an action to better yourself; for you, not them. Screw judgement!

In my opinion, the society we live in now is a disposable one, full of narcissism, instant attention and false lives. People are far too nosey about other people's lives; that I feel those mental health issues, can dwell. Don't do it!! 
To me, the main person to seek any attention from is yourself. Shower yourself with love. Use the good days to work on making yourself the best person you wish to be. If you act with integrity in life for your own benefit and self-worth, respect is earned, and any attention will be gained through your use of positivity.

Considering the tips above, I have to digress. I don't need a do-over, and nor do you guys. What we go through is for a reason. You could be pushing yourself too much that your brain needs to recoup. Ya see, we're all so hard on ourselves, especially us lot who may have anxiety issues…
        You have to understand, our brains are funny little things. If you're anything like me, you can find it difficult to not give in to the little guy on your shoulder telling you, 'Nope, today is not gonna be your day, it's a fail, face it already, go and wallow, take it out on those you love'. I dislike that person, the Lucy that people could have genuine hate for. The girl that lost her way. The girl that has to hide that little, pesky devil on the shoulder constantly. Tough to do, right ??

As I've written above, feeling worried that your best is just not enough to please other's will get you nowhere. Go through life at your own pace. The trouble is, when you may appear like you have yourself together, people are quick to judge when you fall, but as the quote says, don't think about it. It is really tough but try writing a small to-do list each day. I'm in no way saying you must 'be positive' 24/7 but write a post-it note to yourself every night…in the busy days of work, family, friends, leisure, pets, life (!) try and give yourself a positive or pro-active task or quote. Put effort into making yourself feel better. Life is too chaotic to live in the past or seek perfection in order to please others. Live in the moment, pay attention to your own happiness…

Here's someone who definitely deserves attention !!

So, maybe take heed of this: try & not spend time in bed on a sunny day, don't dwell on the things that you really cannot change. Sing out your positives and sing them to yourself. Be proud of the little (or humungous) achievements and remember, you want to be remembered for your talents, not noticed for daily attention seeking! 

Hope this helps a tad. Ps. Had a font change, I quite like it :-)

Wear your crown with pride!

Hii Guys! 

It's been a while I know. No-one's more apologetic than me… but I have good reason. Over the past couple of busy months, I've really took some time to look after myself; soul searching if you will. 

That said, it is not without its ups & downs. Such is life, for me. Today is no exception. I have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster all day. I'm blaming hormones (Yep. I'm passing the blame ha!) I'm also having a bit of a "hair-mare" so that's driving me round the bend- more on that another day!

The trouble with me, as my nearest & dearest know, the slightest thing can trigger me. I can get exceedingly angry if I'm passionate about something, you know? I'm working on that though. It's not pretty at all…. I wrote a post on my Instagram about a week ago discussing just this; so it's apt I share! 
        In the UK, we are now around a month in to Spring, which also brought the International Day of Happiness 😍🌾🌼 falling on the same day. It got me to thinking about the links of our differing seasons and how we can try and utilise them to help mental health issues but also understand how and why season changes can affect us in problematic ways. What do you think??

I certainly think that we all feel so much better when springtime arrives. Nature blooms and the time of growth, renewal and new life surfaces. I definitely aim to use the season to continue developing myself in positive ways. It's a great time for energy & exuberance and beneficial for those who suffer mental health issues; but as I noted above, we aren't superheroes and we don't always feel great but please do not feel inferior if you still suffer from low mood. It's very understandable. Take things one step at a time & seek support from whom ever you feel comfortable around. 

So, my main focus for today is about providing some tips really- let me know if they help and please do share this on! If you'd like to, you can also follow me on bloglovin'…Just click on the icon to your right :-) 

You may or may not be aware of the Facebook page: Action for Happiness. Check it out. It's quite useful for promoting a positive mindset to everyone & I came across this below image that struck a chord with me. Here's my top 5 thoughts: -

1) Inspire and motivate others: Lots of us face problems that can be very well hidden. It's a mask that can be used. So be aware that you never know what a person is facing every day. Put a smile on someone's face for no reason- make them smile or laugh, be kind or pay them a compliment. You'll find that the more you do this, you will feel better yourself.

2) Take time to be just you: In my previous post, I talked about my vow of becoming more spiritual; I stuck with this as much as possible & it's working. Even if it's an hour a day, take time to enjoy living in the moment. Try out some mindfulness, read a book, get out in nature..anything where you have time to reflect & rejuvenate. Give it a go! 

3) Drop the negativity: This is something that can be easier said than done and I need to follow my own advice. If anything or anyone is dragging you down then drop it. Let it go. Life's too short. Instead, surround yourself with what and who you love- any anger will slowly fade away.

4) Acceptance: We can all worry but it can be super intense when you may suffer from depression or anxiety. If you feel as if you've suffered setbacks or failed then please try to stop beating yourself up. We make mistakes but we learn from them. Accept that you can learn from any problem & actually use them to formulate a new direction. When you realise this & practice (1)(2)(3), your fears will be flooded by love.

5) Break the boundaries: You're here on Earth for a purpose; should you not feel that way, look harder & deeper. Sometimes we feel life's a struggle and you want to give up but stop right there; find a meaning. YOU are worthy! Try to stretch yourself and learn something new, fun and creative. This can be a challenge, I know; start small but think big. Every day you'll push yourself more & remember.. every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Know this!  

For now, I'll leave you with this cute, positive little quote; We may not always feel 100% o.k. with our day or progress, but try and wear your crown on top of your head at all times and you'll feel like a Queen/King/Boss…Leader!!

Optimism on a dull, grey day.

Hello lovely ones!! 

I wanted to take this opportunity to offer my thanks. I have had some very lovely comments and feedback from people about my Instagram, blog and the content. It feels so good to hear that people appreciate my words and that I may have helped them in some small way, inspired or cheered them up. So thank you; and keep the comments and messages coming! Let me know how I can help out :-) Insta link: Personal Instagram

It is exactly the direction I wish to take with this here blog. I would love to branch out more in to the blogosphere, as writing really does give me some cathartic clarification [So if anyone would like to offer some tips, please do…] 

I have found 2015 to be a pretty tough year for me, which to be honest, I wasn't expecting. It's funny isn't it, how life springs negative things on us eh?! As they say, life's a bitch…
       I ended 2014 hoping to begin a new chapter in life, after my relationship [[and potential future]] ended so abruptly, and in fairness, I felt optimistic and my job provided a lot of that. However, like at many other points in my life thus far, "God" or "someone" felt that I needed another pitfall!! Ha. Give me strength. I'd begun some new medication back in November '14 and it was going great until my new GP decided to use me as his guinea pig. Eurgh. To cut a long story short, it screwed with my brain big time and somehow I think some post traumatic stress was sprung upon me. Lovely stuff!!

I'm Agnostic if anyone is wondering! See: A question of Faith 

Working through all of this has been difficult, but sort've enlightening. Keeping up those ol' facades of mine has been an effort though I can tell you that! It has hugely frustrated me recently how some folk exclaim that they never get what they want, yet from what I can see, they clearly do. Yet those of us who, dare I say, deserve some luck, get nothing. Where is Karma - show yourself!
       Now that we are in August - Hang on, August, where does the time fly to!?!, I'm gradually beginning to feel better within myself, and I'm actually more or less content with my single status. I have days where I think I should just settle for someone so I can have all those slushy, couply stuff that humans crave [HA] but there's no way I'm doing that. I'm waiting for my man..prince..soulmate. He's out there somewhere. She says :-/          

For all of you out there who suffers with personal issues, whether that be mental, physical etc, please know that speaking out is the first step to recovery. There are always going to be triggers, but there is always help. So many people are empathetic and understanding to your needs. I really hope that I myself embody that. We sometimes may feel worthless, hard work or temperamental, but please do remember that inner strength is usually within you in spades! I came across these fantastic images recently, so I'll share them….

3 Month Itch vs. 3 Month Celebration??

Hi there folks- long time no see! So I want to treat this post as a bit of an epiphany speech, yeah, lets go with that one...

Not to blow my own trumpet (but who else will?) I've never had a form of rejection and probably didn't handle that too well so I did feel lousy, sad, confused, lost, angry, betrayed, hurt….and no I'm not looking for a violin but I want people to gain some comfort or understanding that it is ok to feel these emotions after a break-up, let yourself feel them; it's perfectly normal :-) Please just see it as that and nothing more :-D 

I believe that most women would say it takes half the time you were together with some someone to truly "get over that someone"… Now, if I were to compare that to myself, I'd be waiting a jolly long time to "get over that someone"!!! To quote Carrie Bradshaw, where does the love go? Usually into the arms of another, lets not sugar-coat that! Perhaps men, particularly, spot another woman and decide they fancy that instead !?

I would never be prepared for that so I took the realistic option in order to move on to pastures new. I figured if a person meant anything to you, those feelings don't just go away or disperse. Personally, I don't understand people who move on really quickly, I've seen it happen so often; it's like being single sounds too lonely or something so chop chop, must find someone ASAP! Sure, if you're cold hearted or truly just faked/lied the love or lost it instantly, then way to go; you're free to move on to the next vict…I'm sorry, love of your life :-P 
             But not everyone feels like that and I certainly didn't. So, I thought to myself, no, I had love for the boyfriend which once was so if I want to wallow in self pity for a while I bloody well will! Might not be the best of choices but it was my way of coping. I didn't wish to move straight on to someone else but I did start dating- sadly to no avail & no-one ideal has come along [YET], it's like finding a needle in a haystack haha, but I feel like being on my own and learning to not have a man there beside me at the mo, has helped restore some identity and try some self-improvement- It has not deterred me from finding love again, sure I can be honest and say I thought I was done but it appeared that I clearly had more bad points to my personality to this person, than good, and I'm not cool with that. A guy I've been seeing actually nicely pointed out that if someone is negatively looking at the things that you do not do or have, rather than the positive- then they aren't worth your time. No-one is perfect guys, we all have faults but we should work through them with a significant other not just look at the bad times!!

Hello Short Hair!!

I have heightened emotions anyway due to having my brain surgery and due to not being given a mature explanation/apology I felt like my world was not justified; like my future was ripped away from me! Now…I was quite low for a couple of weeks, but I had to start a new job so I knew that I had to pick myself up. I'm pretty good at gaining strength from unknown places..and this is what happened: - 

• I lost a stone in weight. I lost 4lbs in 2weeks: Not the greatest advertisement (and I don't recommend it) but a broken heart spurred me to carry on. I started eating healthier food, exercising; now I just need to maintain it and tone my body up!
• Instead of wondering what I did wrong, I looked at myself and thought "Their loss" I have differences and quirks that make me, me. Facing adversity should have taught me that already :) Cheesy but be in love with yourself, don't go getting yourself depressed, withdrawn…build yourself up, buy new outfits! 
• I got new haircuts and dyed it back to my single girl dark locks. Perfecto!
• I threw myself into my job- this was tricky. It was quite draining having to put a bit of a facade on in order to do the job justice but I'm doing alright and it's a fun job 
• I accepted dates by men who previously weren't overly interested in me..pure ego boost yeah, lets be honest there. Good to know us ladies can be missed by men!
• I took time to think of my own future plans, I often see a relationship I'm in as an "us" so the "I" is now well and truly back: Studying/voluntary work, potential business ventures, personal development courses such as sign language, take a final plunge into sports that my illness stunted me from doing, much more cooking, brain tumour ambassador work…It's thrilling to have just ME to think about!
• I spent more time with friends and actively listened to their opinions and advice. I love the friends I have. Not to mention my godsend of a family :-) Be sure to let them know what you need; a film night, indulge in shopping, go out for cocktails..it will revive your spirit. Try not to dwell on painful memories; then raise your standards with new lovers & accept that your ex will move on- they're not replacing you, they probably just emotionally broke off from the relationship before it ended and fell in love with someone else (harsh but true) 
• I understood that this was obviously not the person for me, as much as I wanted them to me, they weren't good enough..they didn't love me enough…End of!

If anyone has any other advice to offer up for others or thoughts on the post, comment away :-)

The Joy of Animals

It's the beginning of October and it's safe to say it's the start of my favourite few months. As much I love summer, once you feel those nights draw in, you are ready to say your goodbyes to a warm, festival season and welcome autumn with open arms! Why? Well who doesn't love sitting next to a blazing fire in a house that smells of cherries and honey; drinking hot chocolate and adorned in knitwear, fur lined boots and hats!? 

October is the season of pumpkins, fireworks, mulled cider, frights and forest splendour with its rich, vibrant colours of gold, red and green. The falling leaves make beautiful cushions streaming through parks and a fresh, misty air surrounds us. I love love it! This said, the chill of winter is on the horizon where the skies appear greyer and a time of reflection comes to the fore. 
       These colder months always fill me with excitement for upcoming festive events, which are evidently a big thing for me: Joy of Christmas It is even more so exciting now I have my beautiful Mr KB to join with me :-)

With autumnal reflection close to mind, the season also encompasses sadness for me. I'm 100% an animal lover and am a happy furry baby mummy to two pets. I love cats (crazy cat ladies unite!) and in 2009 I adopted a gorgeous black boy: Billy. However, last October my precious one sadly passed away at aged 3. It was sudden, acute and terrible. Not a period I like to relieve, and like many tragic events, they end up in a box in my mind. He began sneezing and looking 'off colour'. Numerous visits to the vet and money spent on treatment & suchlike, an illness was not determined! A few weeks later, he was rushed to an emergency vets whereby more money was spent. Eventually, I had to make the decision to euthanise him. Heartbreaking. He was like a child and so I endured grief for my loss.  

For those people out there that cannot comprehend why people grieve the loss of a cat.. I say try having one then you'll see! It's equivalent to any animal, or human for that matter. Everyone has a unique reaction to the death of a beloved pet. My reaction: unashamed crying. My family and I buried Billy in our front garden with his favourite toy. My father made a wooden cross for him and planted three rose bushes. I miss his loving, wild, hunting nature and mysterious 'black cat' mentality. 
       I couldn't live without my cat, thus, I had to fill the void.  Along comes Matilda (tilly). A beautiful little princess with an obscure, somewhat aloof, personality: now 1 & 3 months. I'm not sure how long you should wait to mourn until you get a new cat, but she doesn't replace him at all and I'm so glad I have her! 

Our family cat is Tabitha, a 16 year old tortie. She's lived with us for 9 years. She 'adopted' us in 2004. Like a stray she'd venture in our house for food, however, she wished to always stick around longer. She was a large lady! We in fact made a nest for her believing she was pregnant. Eventually, we found the owner who claimed we could have her as Tabitha wasn't a lap cat and she didn't like that. Shameful woman!! Well, a year on from losing Billy, we're pretty sure she's on her last legs as her organs are failing right now :-( 

I believe people like to nurture and care for pets like children.  They share our homes and we form bonds with them, they provide us with heart-lifting pleasure and in fact, they comfort us. Tabitha came to my family at a perfect time: First introductions She looked after me when I was at my most vulnerable and helpless self, giving me purpose, happiness, love and positivity. As ridiculous as this may sound to some, I'm grateful for her and losing her will be heart-wrenching. 
       Animals provide mental and emotional benefits. The release of endorphins when in the company of an animal improves mood, alertness and health. There's no wonder cats and dogs are brought to ill patients in hospitals or retirement homes. The joy they give humans is so simple; all they ask for is food, shelter, affection & play. Their unique characters provide hours of entertainment and aid companionship. 

A month ago I've added another creature to my home. A cutiepie, golden syrian hamster named Pippin. Again, he keeps an inner child's sense of amazement alive in me and lightens any darker moments I might have :-)

Life Thus Far: an overview

This post will certainly be a snapshot of my life of late. What a bad, bad blogger I am! I have decided to have "Life thus far" as a little chapter series for when chaos kicks in :-) My consistency is shocking and I apologise as it's not great form, however, this hiatus is not out of want or intention as these last couple of months have featured a fair few events and I'll hone in on a couple!

Number One

I celebrated my degree finale with my graduation ball and ceremony.. Doing a social work degree has been one of the toughest things I've done (there's been a few!) and I'm so relieved it's over, yet wish I still hard more time to find the perfect career choices. I don't know if anyone can off some insight, but from doing such an intensive degree, it's difficult to adjust to "reality"- the whole looking for the best job possible, it's easy to lose hope in life sometimes. Social work is competitive. Some people are lucky and get something quickly; me, well I'm getting there bit by bit. I guess I'm not alone...

Number Two

This is my saddest event. One of my close friends, who've I've known for eight years, devastatingly passed away. I attended Fénian's funeral a week ago, and I'm still in grieving mode. I may or may not do an entire post about this tragedy, but it's still raw. Due to his young age, I've never had to endure such pain. We didn't always have time to see each other often as we were busy and lived in different areas..but I know I was one of his few friends who understood him. I'm definitely not sure on the correct way to grieve but I've put him in a little box in my head. But tears aren't far away; rest in peace.

Number Three

Due to my anxieties over relationships, it's been a while since I've had a fully fledged relationship (be it, flings here or there, as mentioned!), but my dating guy is now officially mine. Since March in fact. The strange thing is, coupledom doesn't feel like odd territory, I think when something is right, you feel content very quickly :-). I'm 26 in three months and have certainly been wanting commitment for a long time!  He's a year & 1/2 younger which is different :-) It's strange how many coupley things we've experienced. He must really like my company ha! We went camping in the English Riviera a few weeks ago- Torquay. So beautiful..

             So yes, I'm adjusting to this new happiness nicely; me being me, I can find a worry every so often..you know, a niggle or annoyance that Mr KB has etcetc, but this contentment enhances every emotion and I love that! 

In a somewhat follow up from a previous post, I am beginning to feel certain of destiny/fate. I feel we forge our own direction/purpose in life, but I believe our paths are somewhat "written in the stars". Mr KB and I fit well, I can't fathom how similar our wavelengths are are; seven months ago, I was unaware that he even existed! It almost is like there's a fixed order in the universe, like you are meant to meet someone. Furthermore, an individual can decide their fate through freewill, but there could be some things that are predetermined. Ahh I don't know, I could be talking crazy! But share some thoughts please if you have a belief on this said subject.  I shall love you and leave you with this picturesque picture, enjoy!

Brixham, Torquay