Life thus far: An Overview

I HAVE SLACKED!.. on my blog. Sincere apologies. I did not realise how long it has been since my last post; that is really bad. What I find astonishing is that I remember writing the last post quite vividly, so time really is somewhat of an illusion. I know we universally say, time has flown this year, but this one certain is!! As midsummer was a couple of months ago, Autumn is not far away- We've had some heatwaves in the UK & it's quite the stir across Britain (of course) The humidity is something else though for sure. Still, it’ll be nice to have some more light evenings until the Autumn equinox comes soon. 

       I'll explain the reasons for my lack time which led to lack of writing: -

Main positive; A new relationship :-) I have been happily carving a loving partnership since January of this year. After the weirdest 2.5 years, actually coming across someone who I can see in my long-term future is a bit of a weight off my shoulders if I’m perfectly honest. I've tried to live very much in the moment with him, we went away at Easter in April. I think I had more or less given up on finding the right guy for me, but maybe there is such a thing as divine timing/ fate. I don't know. But he ticks the boxes- and there's a few to tick! My younger brother had said he thought I have high expectations, I don't feel I do. I've just gone through enough rubbish with men that I know what, who I'm looking for & what I want from life. I don't want to discuss lots of details about the b/f but for all the reasons above, it was a slow burn for me (and I already expressed this to him, too brutally honest yep) and that is not to sound horrible, I think I just had to be sure. It took a min or two for me to figure him out I think but my feelings came through pretty fast once I gave the prospect, faith LOL. In fact, I had got him wrong from the 1st date in reality. He was respectful, kind & attentive and I probably was just used to it. Ladies, think Aidan from Sex and the City, the episode where they're dating and she's upset because he wouldn't spend the night; he explains he wants to romance her. I mean, I still wonder why we never went for an evening meal in the beginning but that's a drawback I can live with, if the man I am with reminds me of Aidan! Warm, masculine, funny, won't lie or hide emotions and openly wants to settle down and start a family <3 

 

Another positive to note would be my successful promotion at work & the end of my study work. That said, it has only meant I have my main work to contend with, leaving me with a fair bit of catch-up! :/ Plus, my manager would like me to do further study for the next Level, not to mention my CPD for my Social Work registration... Did I just manage to turn a positive into a negative? Haha. Ok, well, my dad had his belated 70th birthday gift on Sunday, a flying lesson- So fun, and I'm off to Greece in September.  

Main negative; The world's narrative! Honestly, I would love to be optimistic with how life goes on around us, but I can only be realistic and things just seem worse than 2020 when we had covid kicking off (by the way, is that still a thing, I saw something about vaccines again?) The divide of society still feels too big. We are post-Covid era and society is nowhere near perfect. War, increase of cost of living (or "imposed poverty" for many as should be the correct term) food shortages, taxes, fuel, bill prices, strikes. Our broken economy of those years has obvs had massive repercussions & it has a ripple effect. It’s pretty tough for us all right now. Mass hysteria seems to lurk around the corner too. 

       The big one seems to be gender ideology. We seem to be over sexualising and informing opinions on assigning gender onto our children. It's pretty bad in the US with drag queens entering the curriculum, and 3 year olds being asked by a doctor (as their first question may I add) "Are you identifying as a boy or girl." The fear is it seeping into the UK & I'm not sure if it's my maternal instinct that kicks in or that I have twin nephews but I would be displeased if my 4 year old child was taught at school "how to be sexual, safely." I've no issue with people being conflicted by their gender and making informed actions to challenge roles but young children, I think the topic is complex so parents/ teachers should not push their thoughts on a child. If it becomes something the child talks about often, that's different & requires conversation & listening. If a boy plays with a doll for a week it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be a girl. Gender can also be fluid & be expressed differently. Please can we let kids be kids. 

       I sort've feel like we have to accommodate every person's whim, or change even factual, historical information to suit a person's needs or identity. Also, why do we still promote things that are unhealthy or false, eager to please much. Am I just being close-minded ?!

Another negative might be that (this isn't really a negative at all, you'll see) I had saved up £ to purchase a house of my own, thinking I was going to be a single, independent woman for longer than I now am. Thinking that maybe I'd have to have and raise a child on my own some how. However, b/f has his own house and in the town I wished to find a home. Me being me though, I saw an issue. Buying my own house suddenly felt obsolete. I'd hoped that once I met someone, I'd have my own mortgage. The upside is I can invest and help him or put some of my £ into another place I can rent out. See, positive really! 

       Valid negative, I've trapped my finger and thumb in a car door this year, separate occasions. Bloody ouch and sad! I have natural, long nails so they're a bugger to not let the original nail fall off whilst the new one grows- Be less Lucy ha. 

Let me know how your year has been so far, good, bad or in-between!

January Realisations.

So the dreaded January has vanished...and I for one am thrilled! I do hope 2018 was a productive one for all ? The new year is definitely in full swing and on paper, my month has been good, but in theory, I've hit some hurdles and it's affected my month. Thankfully, I'm a resilient character & have drowned thoughts out during the days {however, when you have had sinusitis for a week after not being ill in years, and feel ready for your next B12 shot, you know you need to do some cathartic writing!} 

For my own sanity/mental health and protection of a close family member, I don't wish to delve too much into the finer details, but dealing with negative events that occur within your own household are not topics you like to broadcast but lately, I am feeling particularly reflective and wish to discuss some serious matters...In the hope of reaching out to someone who perhaps deals with a Jekyll & hyde character. Or use it as you will!

No-one, especially someone close, should make you feel inadequate and doubt your own skills. For instance, empathy is very different to sympathy- 'feeling sorry' for a person or thinking about how you would feel in their situation, doesn't quite cut it. If you find that you're not getting the sufficient support you may need, I say...swim to another path, change direction. I always think of myself as family-oriented. I love all of my family; my brothers are everything, my nephews whom I adore, every single person, but you sometimes become aware of bad vibes that make you second guess yourself, why? Why should any-one make you feel discouraged or dampen your spirit

Sometimes, you realise who is true to you and who isn't. I find it really tough if said people are actually 'family'. In my opinion, the definition of the word means support, security, someone who shares your problems:: Many nurturing connotations right!?

Now surely, family (or friends) shape our personalities- we learn from one another through our lives; they boost self-confidence, speak truths, grow from mistakes, own responsibility....
       If you suddenly find the opposite happening, what do you do? Cut ties, remove the toxicity, resume routines, accept unwarranted opinions? Unfortunately, it's happened to me previously with someone, and it's a horrible feeling. Eventually, you confront it head on, you talk, argue even, agree to disagree, forgive but never forget, explain your reasoning for removal. Thankfully, it all worked out, talking and listening in a non-judgmental manner was hugely advantageous!! I just hope my latest situation sorts out just the same...

If you've followed my blog or looked back at my previous posts, you will have read that I've had a tad of a rollercoaster ride since I was 16. Now I can't stress enough that I have never made an excuse of anything in my life due to the fact of having brain surgery- but due this fact, I was changed as a person but I'm pretty proud of how far I've come. I may have hit a bad patch some time ago, but I work hard at being me & haters aren't wanted! I won't tolerate negative verbal diatribe headed towards either my mother, or me. When you have the biggest fan who happens to be your mum, anyone knows how strong that bond is.
     
       So, is any of this familiar to you !? I'd love to hear some stories or tips on how you respond...
For now, happy February ❤️

What Is Love?

Hi Lovely Ones! 

In this instance, I'm going to show you something I added on my Insta {right hand side} in which is something I feel very strongly about right now… 

In the aftermath of the absolutely barbaric attacks of terrorism [or lets be realistic..declaration of War] upon our World, I feel somewhat in limbo within myself. Firstly, with how utterly incomprehensible & tragic these attacks are and also how much we need to cherish love. 
        I'm surrounded by a caring family & friends and realise how much I can take it for granted. Life is short and this quote..I want this. {back/again in life ?} Soulmates are rare to find. Grab love with both hands.

The end of the year is nigh and I don't know whether it's a shift in the treacherous weather making getting out of bed a whole lot harder or a shift in my emotional state, but I'm going from philosophical-loving-gloomy-good humoured-angry in about 5 seconds flat these days. 
       Being that it is exactly ONE month until Christmas and TWO days until my 28th birthday, my stress/anxiety levels could be heightened. Or so one of my friends reckons. Thing is, when I think about the above, I think of all the horrors of the world and then think of me, and how I possibly have thrived on stress for so many years that it somehow all toppled down onto me, and then I feel guilty. Like I'm a fraud, ya know?
      Because I am loved, I'm a lucky person but yet, I still compromise the position I am in. It can be tiring to continue to beat yourself up for things that you can't control. Even more tiring when you still have to function in life as normal & almost lie about how you feel/who you are…[1] 
       Then I figured, it's rejection I fear. Rejection of that kind've soulmate intimacy; that I miss, that I want again, that I can't find yet. Despite the fact that I've now been single over a year (Blimey. That's whizzed by), I have to be honest, if the guys I've been left with are anything to go by, I realllly don't want them in my bed ha! Call me picky but I'm old enough to know what I like & where I'm heading. Yes, I have a type I suppose. Look how that worked out for me. Life, you kill me….!! 

[1] There it is, in typical Luce style, I have backtracked. A month ago I wanted to "Put up a fight" You know the saying "one step forwards, two steps back". It's almost like I am not heeding my own advice. I know exactly what triggers negativity/anxieties for me, yet I still push at it. I also am not liking some peoples' opinions towards mental health; the comments they make that make me think 'Am I being fake?' 
It's those "what ifs and defences"  that are my demon. I'm a passionate person, I over-think things because I care but sometimes I think it can get confused by intensity & can then easily form arguments which get miscommunicated which most definitely ended things for my last relationship. I realise that the fretting that I was feeling back then was probably because I felt I was losing (him). That scared me. But I also scared (him). So I'm glad I know that now. I'm a bit crazy ya know ;-)

After a recent discussion with my neuropsychologist, I definitely felt that I am going to do further research into 'alternative' support- as if I'm being perfectly honest, and as anyone is aware I'm a straightforward kinda girl- I don't gel very well with her. I just think we know ourselves the best and I know what I'm doing. Does that sound inconsiderate or make sense!?

Moving swiftly on to some less, intense chit-chat (!)..my Halloween was lovely. Seemed a pretty fitting holiday this year, considering what emotions whirl through my little head! After that, I got ill for a week or so; struck down with the lurgy- I personally blame the flu jab (taken for my low immune system). So no Fireworks this year….
I've been to the theatre a lot recently, there's nothing more magical than the theatre. Bloody love it! 
       The world knows how to struck us when we're hot eh? ;-) Ha.

Exercise has been fabulous; but half a stone takes BLOODY forever to leave!

Just Keep Going; You are Strong

  

3 Month Itch vs. 3 Month Celebration??

Hi there folks- long time no see! So I want to treat this post as a bit of an epiphany speech, yeah, lets go with that one...

Not to blow my own trumpet (but who else will?) I've never had a form of rejection and probably didn't handle that too well so I did feel lousy, sad, confused, lost, angry, betrayed, hurt….and no I'm not looking for a violin but I want people to gain some comfort or understanding that it is ok to feel these emotions after a break-up, let yourself feel them; it's perfectly normal :-) Please just see it as that and nothing more :-D 

I believe that most women would say it takes half the time you were together with some someone to truly "get over that someone"… Now, if I were to compare that to myself, I'd be waiting a jolly long time to "get over that someone"!!! To quote Carrie Bradshaw, where does the love go? Usually into the arms of another, lets not sugar-coat that! Perhaps men, particularly, spot another woman and decide they fancy that instead !?

I would never be prepared for that so I took the realistic option in order to move on to pastures new. I figured if a person meant anything to you, those feelings don't just go away or disperse. Personally, I don't understand people who move on really quickly, I've seen it happen so often; it's like being single sounds too lonely or something so chop chop, must find someone ASAP! Sure, if you're cold hearted or truly just faked/lied the love or lost it instantly, then way to go; you're free to move on to the next vict…I'm sorry, love of your life :-P 
             But not everyone feels like that and I certainly didn't. So, I thought to myself, no, I had love for the boyfriend which once was so if I want to wallow in self pity for a while I bloody well will! Might not be the best of choices but it was my way of coping. I didn't wish to move straight on to someone else but I did start dating- sadly to no avail & no-one ideal has come along [YET], it's like finding a needle in a haystack haha, but I feel like being on my own and learning to not have a man there beside me at the mo, has helped restore some identity and try some self-improvement- It has not deterred me from finding love again, sure I can be honest and say I thought I was done but it appeared that I clearly had more bad points to my personality to this person, than good, and I'm not cool with that. A guy I've been seeing actually nicely pointed out that if someone is negatively looking at the things that you do not do or have, rather than the positive- then they aren't worth your time. No-one is perfect guys, we all have faults but we should work through them with a significant other not just look at the bad times!!

Hello Short Hair!!

I have heightened emotions anyway due to having my brain surgery and due to not being given a mature explanation/apology I felt like my world was not justified; like my future was ripped away from me! Now…I was quite low for a couple of weeks, but I had to start a new job so I knew that I had to pick myself up. I'm pretty good at gaining strength from unknown places..and this is what happened: - 

• I lost a stone in weight. I lost 4lbs in 2weeks: Not the greatest advertisement (and I don't recommend it) but a broken heart spurred me to carry on. I started eating healthier food, exercising; now I just need to maintain it and tone my body up!
• Instead of wondering what I did wrong, I looked at myself and thought "Their loss" I have differences and quirks that make me, me. Facing adversity should have taught me that already :) Cheesy but be in love with yourself, don't go getting yourself depressed, withdrawn…build yourself up, buy new outfits! 
• I got new haircuts and dyed it back to my single girl dark locks. Perfecto!
• I threw myself into my job- this was tricky. It was quite draining having to put a bit of a facade on in order to do the job justice but I'm doing alright and it's a fun job 
• I accepted dates by men who previously weren't overly interested in me..pure ego boost yeah, lets be honest there. Good to know us ladies can be missed by men!
• I took time to think of my own future plans, I often see a relationship I'm in as an "us" so the "I" is now well and truly back: Studying/voluntary work, potential business ventures, personal development courses such as sign language, take a final plunge into sports that my illness stunted me from doing, much more cooking, brain tumour ambassador work…It's thrilling to have just ME to think about!
• I spent more time with friends and actively listened to their opinions and advice. I love the friends I have. Not to mention my godsend of a family :-) Be sure to let them know what you need; a film night, indulge in shopping, go out for cocktails..it will revive your spirit. Try not to dwell on painful memories; then raise your standards with new lovers & accept that your ex will move on- they're not replacing you, they probably just emotionally broke off from the relationship before it ended and fell in love with someone else (harsh but true) 
• I understood that this was obviously not the person for me, as much as I wanted them to me, they weren't good enough..they didn't love me enough…End of!

If anyone has any other advice to offer up for others or thoughts on the post, comment away :-)

Joy of Christmas!

Hello! I do hope this finds everyone well, and a fabulous Christmas has been had. I do love this time of year.. cold weather aside (that ruins your hair). However, I feel that visits us far too quickly these days. With the hustle and bustle of life, I think it just creeps up. It also leaves very quickly. I popped into town this afternoon for some appointments. What I didn't expect was the vultures of sales shoppers!! When I was a young girl, Christmas extended for days after the 25th, what's happened??

What has been lovely, is the mini break I've had from work, and time with all my family and friends :) As I grow older, I crave for things money cannot buy. However, I cannot wait for a holiday next year, a house to call my own, and perhaps a tattoo or two to go with my tragus piercing! Ahh dreams..