Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, 16 August 2022

Life thus far: An Overview

I HAVE SLACKED!.. on my blog. Sincere apologies. I did not realise how long it has been since my last post; that is really bad. What I find astonishing is that I remember writing the last post quite vividly, so time really is somewhat of an illusion. I know we universally say, time has flown this year, but this one certain is!! As midsummer was a couple of months ago, Autumn is not far away- We've had some heatwaves in the UK & it's quite the stir across Britain (of course) The humidity is something else though for sure. Still, it’ll be nice to have some more light evenings until the Autumn equinox comes soon. 
       I'll explain the reasons for my lack time which led to lack of writing: -

Main positive; A new relationship :-) I have been happily carving a loving partnership since January of this year. After the weirdest 2.5 years, actually coming across someone who I can see in my long-term future is a bit of a weight off my shoulders if I’m perfectly honest. I've tried to live very much in the moment with him, we went away at Easter in April. I think I had more or less given up on finding the right guy for me, but maybe there is such a thing as divine timing/ fate. I don't know. But he ticks the boxes- and there's a few to tick! My younger brother had said he thought I have high expectations, I don't feel I do. I've just gone through enough rubbish with men that I know what, who I'm looking for & what I want from life. I don't want to discuss lots of details about the b/f but for all the reasons above, it was a slow burn for me (and I already expressed this to him, too brutally honest yep) and that is not to sound horrible, I think I just had to be sure. It took a min or two for me to figure him out I think but my feelings came through pretty fast once I gave the prospect, faith LOL. In fact, I had got him wrong from the 1st date in reality. He was respectful, kind & attentive and I probably was just used to it. Ladies, think Aidan from Sex and the City, the episode where they're dating and she's upset because he wouldn't spend the night; he explains he wants to romance her. I mean, I still wonder why we never went for an evening meal in the beginning but that's a drawback I can live with, if the man I am with reminds me of Aidan! Warm, masculine, funny, won't lie or hide emotions and openly wants to settle down and start a family <3 

 

Another positive to note would be my successful promotion at work & the end of my study work. That said, it has only meant I have my main work to contend with, leaving me with a fair bit of catch-up! :/ Plus, my manager would like me to do further study for the next Level, not to mention my CPD for my Social Work registration... Did I just manage to turn a positive into a negative? Haha. Ok, well, my dad had his belated 70th birthday gift on Sunday, a flying lesson- So fun, and I'm off to Greece in September.  

Main negative; The world's narrative! Honestly, I would love to be optimistic with how life goes on around us, but I can only be realistic and things just seem worse than 2020 when we had covid kicking off (by the way, is that still a thing, I saw something about vaccines again?) The divide of society still feels too big. We are post-Covid era and society is nowhere near perfect. War, increase of cost of living (or "imposed poverty" for many as should be the correct term) food shortages, taxes, fuel, bill prices, strikes. Our broken economy of those years has obvs had massive repercussions & it has a ripple effect. It’s pretty tough for us all right now. Mass hysteria seems to lurk around the corner too. 
       The big one seems to be gender ideology. We seem to be over sexualising and informing opinions on assigning gender onto our children. It's pretty bad in the US with drag queens entering the curriculum, and 3 year olds being asked by a doctor (as their first question may I add) "Are you identifying as a boy or girl." The fear is it seeping into the UK & I'm not sure if it's my maternal instinct that kicks in or that I have twin nephews but I would be displeased if my 4 year old child was taught at school "how to be sexual, safely." I've no issue with people being conflicted by their gender and making informed actions to challenge roles but young children, I think the topic is complex so parents/ teachers should not push their thoughts on a child. If it becomes something the child talks about often, that's different & requires conversation & listening. If a boy plays with a doll for a week it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be a girl. Gender can also be fluid & be expressed differently. Please can we let kids be kids. 
       I sort've feel like we have to accommodate every person's whim, or change even factual, historical information to suit a person's needs or identity. Also, why do we still promote things that are unhealthy or false, eager to please much. Am I just being close-minded ?!

Another negative might be that (this isn't really a negative at all, you'll see) I had saved up £ to purchase a house of my own, thinking I was going to be a single, independent woman for longer than I now am. Thinking that maybe I'd have to have and raise a child on my own some how. However, b/f has his own house and in the town I wished to find a home. Me being me though, I saw an issue. Buying my own house suddenly felt obsolete. I'd hoped that once I met someone, I'd have my own mortgage. The upside is I can invest and help him or put some of my £ into another place I can rent out. See, positive really! 
       Valid negative, I've trapped my finger and thumb in a car door this year, separate occasions. Bloody ouch and sad! I have natural, long nails so they're a bugger to not let the original nail fall off whilst the new one grows- Be less Lucy ha. 


Let me know how your year has been so far, good, bad or in-between!

Sunday, 5 January 2020

My 2020 New Year musings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy 2020. I hope that you've enjoyed the festivities and that the new year gives you everything you desire. I cannot believe another decade has zoomed by. I feel good about the '20s I think. She says. I felt bloated & sluggish on NYD so I exercised and went for a winter walk. Then it was back to work, reality. I have shed loads of things to attain and achieve and this did give me some panic- but with some great pep talks from my family and friends over the Christmas period, I am determined to get what I desire.

I wanted to get rid of a horrid situation (so many things about it angered me, that I thought I'd share it with you!) But nahh, I'm not going to air too much dirty laundry; this is not Dear Diary haha. It's unfair so I'll remove most of the narrative but the gist is >>
      So, if you look back on my previous post, I had been dating someone for a while: Decent, interesting person I thought; a few red flags I chose to ignore because I felt an emotional connection that seemed compelling. Meh. Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that someone is cheating- But apparently guys, he wasn't, because we'd ended [I, however wasn't aware of the fact.] Not to worry though, as no hurt was intended (!) Yada yada. Whilst they were going through some struggles, whilst I was constantly trying to check up on how he was...I got told "I need space" They saw fit to give someone else the opportunity to support & care for them. Wow, huh.
      You know when you look back and know exactly where you went wrong yourself, apologised & would have happily talked it over, but cannot fathom why the other person could never understand your point of view? That is disappointing stuff right there! head over to my Insta to see a more insightful post. With this said, my door is always kindly open to unfinished business. 

The aggravating thing is that I think when you put two opposite people together, there are many differences to work through of course, but in my opinion, the intimacy is off the scale.. And maybe, I value that a whole lot more than other people.
Destruction follows, chaos follows. We all make mistakes; no-one's perfect, but I know that whatever move I make, I take accountability of it. Own up. I do at least like people to understand my logic! You have to accept that the energies are for your highest good. Toxic energy leaves for a reason- and I'm not talking about just relationships.

Thing is, when these things happen, I instantly think, oh it's my fault. What's wrong with me, I'm the denominator. What has someone else got that I haven't. My thoughts become obsessive and negative. NO LUCY NO
This was not good. Horrendous whilst I was keeping up appearances at work etc. Then my birthday came in Nov and I thought, screw it, if someone who I cared about could go behind my back like that, I deserve a respectful man; not someone who made me doubt myself. Someone who appreciates you, wants to understand you and your idiocracies. We need solid don't we, no silly games. 2020 is a time you gain that, even if that means being your own soulmate.

The power is our own. Our choices are our own. I put lots of things in motion last year yet it still didn't feel right. I need to trust my own choices and instincts more, but also take risks this year. I know that I can easily hold back on things that I particularly want but it equally scares me. So I sabotage it - or do I? I certainly don't deserve to be discarded. I have an appreciation of people with mental health issues. I work in MH. I always wish to support, but I won't tolerate anyone adding to my own stresses unless they take responsibility for their own actions. You reap what you sow. Hi Karma!

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Soo I'm taking inspiration from a previous post of mine: Boss babe Spiritually, 2020 will be a big, powerful year of change and reward. I'm hoping for physical manifestation. If you see the number 4 flying around, take that as a very positive sign from the Universe :-) 4 is power, foundation, elemental. I want to take heed of my above post and embrace self care & wellness. Consider healthy new habits and routines to get into better shape: reading more often, go for long walks, take up that hobby that should have happened in 2019...

So what will be on your Self Care List? Maybe try writing a small goal could be set for relationships, career, interests, physical/mental health, personal growth. Whatcha reckon, fancy joining me on a quest to let go of habits that hold you back, cope with stressful situations with more ease, plan fun things to do in advance, find a beautiful love, heal from grief ?? 



 

Saturday, 31 August 2013

Life Thus Far: an overview

This post will certainly be a snapshot of my life of late. What a bad, bad blogger I am! I have decided to have "Life thus far" as a little chapter series for when chaos kicks in :-) My consistency is shocking and I apologise as it's not great form, however, this hiatus is not out of want or intention as these last couple of months have featured a fair few events and I'll hone in on a couple!

Number One
I celebrated my degree finale with my graduation ball and ceremony.. Doing a social work degree has been one of the toughest things I've done (there's been a few!) and I'm so relieved it's over, yet wish I still hard more time to find the perfect career choices. I don't know if anyone can off some insight, but from doing such an intensive degree, it's difficult to adjust to "reality"- the whole looking for the best job possible, it's easy to lose hope in life sometimes. Social work is competitive. Some people are lucky and get something quickly; me, well I'm getting there bit by bit. I guess I'm not alone...





Number Two
This is my saddest event. One of my close friends, who've I've known for eight years, devastatingly passed away. I attended Fénian's funeral a week ago, and I'm still in grieving mode. I may or may not do an entire post about this tragedy, but it's still raw. Due to his young age, I've never had to endure such pain. We didn't always have time to see each other often as we were busy and lived in different areas..but I know I was one of his few friends who understood him. I'm definitely not sure on the correct way to grieve but I've put him in a little box in my head. But tears aren't far away; rest in peace.





















Number Three
Due to my anxieties over relationships, it's been a while since I've had a fully fledged relationship (be it, flings here or there, as mentioned!), but my dating guy is now officially mine. Since March in fact. The strange thing is, coupledom doesn't feel like odd territory, I think when something is right, you feel content very quickly :-). I'm 26 in three months and have certainly been wanting commitment for a long time!  He's a year & 1/2 younger which is different :-) It's strange how many coupley things we've experienced. He must really like my company ha! We went camping in the English Riviera a few weeks ago- Torquay. So beautiful..
             So yes, I'm adjusting to this new happiness nicely; me being me, I can find a worry every so often..you know, a niggle or annoyance that Mr KB has etcetc, but this contentment enhances every emotion and I love that! 

In a somewhat follow up from a previous post, I am beginning to feel certain of destiny/fate. I feel we forge our own direction/purpose in life, but I believe our paths are somewhat "written in the stars". Mr KB and I fit well, I can't fathom how similar our wavelengths are are; seven months ago, I was unaware that he even existed! It almost is like there's a fixed order in the universe, like you are meant to meet someone. Furthermore, an individual can decide their fate through freewill, but there could be some things that are predetermined. Ahh I don't know, I could be talking crazy! But share some thoughts please if you have a belief on this said subject.  I shall love you and leave you with this picturesque picture, enjoy!

Brixham, Torquay