Hands up masochists!!

Emotional Masochism.

Now there's a opening statement for you! I was having a read through my blog and how I wish to enhance it to its full potential {because it really needs it!} Anyway, I was thinking to myself, "What would my readers like to read; articles about beauty, fashion, adventures...which I do love. Or real life? Some insights into my soul, my personal issues or just my everyday life"-- And from this, I discovered that my readers get the most satisfaction from reading about how I get through life with the added pressures that may come about, due to internal struggles that have occurred from time to time.
       So I'm sticking with that! If you feel differently or think of anything I could improve upon, let me know..I'm just a message away guys!

In my last post [sorry, how long ago Luce?] we were in the depths of Spring, well now we have here our Summer Solstice, yay :-) Offering us some flighty, warm feels, hope and fiery energy. Yes? Well not for everyone. I'm doing well but not everyone has those sunny, light emotions and it can be an isolating, confusing time for some. We have also endured, as a Universe, some horrific Terror attacks, natural disasters and fires. The list is endless and devastating, but this in itself can make may a person quite fearful.

For those who suffer from an invisible/mental illness, just because there is a lightness or warmth in the air, it doesn't mean that their troubles just disappear, and unfortunately not everyone has the skill of empathy to understand that fact. For some people, getting out of bed in the morning is a huge task; they may torment themselves for not being happy*, be on the verge of tears.   *never feel bad about that
       For example, we're half way through the year which can flood us with some tricky astro alignments that can cause the worry about your next steps in life's next cycle. Do you ever feel like this? It can seem like one step forward & two back, and in the past six months I've definitely had feelings of…'what have I learned, am I fitter, why haven't I dated, have I saved enough ££' This kind of masochism makes you feel as though you're on a rollercoaster 100% of the time. Perhaps flip those thoughts and consider the rollercoaster as a practice run: Life is a journey!
       There can be pressure during the longer, brighter days to not emotionally hibernate or get stuck in a loop. This surely is tough going if your 'get up & go' has flown. I say it alll the time, but as it is summer, get yourself out in nature, exercise, listen to birdsong, bring colourful, aromatic flowers indoors. Trust that it'll improve your wellbeing, even if it's just a smidge.

Carrie Bradshaw proclaims "I must be some sort of masochist or something" - SATC.

Why do we do this. Go round in circles. We know it's bad, we know it's insane but still, there's a lingering self-flagellation going on…the subconsious want of experiencing pain and ache, even though it does you no good. La Douleur Exquise. It's a pretty sadomasochism point of view but it's true. It's pain that becomes more intense, psychosomatic. A flood of worry and uncertainty can consume a person so quickly, even when life has been improving. Enough-Don't do it-Don't destroy the good elixir! Find that helpful resource and focus on that; be it a friend, parent, an animal or therapist. I recently heard that the most evolved people are the most broken. Who knows if that is true, but that colourful past you have, embrace it. Emotionally torturing oneself over & over will only lead to heartache. Think of law of attraction, you've done the work so the world will do the rest- we need to learn to let things shift for the better by themselves...

If you can take any tips from me, which I hope someone can, remember that the year is not over. Life is not over for you. Perhaps an open heart can lead to an open mind & anything can happen. Good, bad, sometimes we never know but 2017 in particular is all about new beginnings and manifestation. Use that to your advantage; live those days, don't question why you're doing so well and then revert back to type in a state of emotional chaos. Is it worth it? 

Respect. Seek only respect!

Well hi Guys! And hi June! Where did that spring from soo quickly then eh ? 6 months into the year and I already feel like I need a "do-over" haha. 

So, where have I been…what have I been doing. A month & no post. I can't excuse it can I!? My apologies. I've been all over the shop. May was a good month. How was yours?
        Sun came out to greet the UK (sparingly!) but it wasn't without its up&downs. Is my life ever - she says. Haha. I'm cool with that! Being made aware I need to have my wisdom teeth out & that I'm pretty much as blind as a bat was a big annoyance (not my greatest tradeoff to have from my b.tumour!) 

Anywayyy, here's to the summer lovely ones, and my topic of said here post. My gorgeous dear friend Fénian used to say I thrive on stress. This is true, some of us are wired up in a highly strung way, but we all have a breaking point don't we. 
        In the midst and angst of my months hairodramas, theatre trips, planegeeking, meltdowns, social work wonderments and {hashtag}singlelife gloom, I thought a few things over… Now, when I have good days, I consider myself to be a somewhat smart, friendly, lively, kind and loyal human being. I know when to be confident; not arrogant, not cocky, but I can use ego when need be. I like to see myself as someone who is determined, has had setbacks and desires to inspire others. 

My mum, for instance, is the strongest woman I know. She's loving & caring but goes about life in a subtle way, not seeking praise. That to me, deserves respect and I definitely would love to be more like her. 

To get back to the point, all the negative things that you may feel, about life or self, they must be turned into a positive. Now, it's hard; I know it more than most. If you have a bad month; week; day, think about how you would like to be perceived. Do you ever feel like people have high (or low) expectations of you? I do. Feeling judgement from others can make you feel a whole lot worse. However, you can use it. Use it as an action to better yourself; for you, not them. Screw judgement!

In my opinion, the society we live in now is a disposable one, full of narcissism, instant attention and false lives. People are far too nosey about other people's lives; that I feel those mental health issues, can dwell. Don't do it!! 
To me, the main person to seek any attention from is yourself. Shower yourself with love. Use the good days to work on making yourself the best person you wish to be. If you act with integrity in life for your own benefit and self-worth, respect is earned, and any attention will be gained through your use of positivity.

Considering the tips above, I have to digress. I don't need a do-over, and nor do you guys. What we go through is for a reason. You could be pushing yourself too much that your brain needs to recoup. Ya see, we're all so hard on ourselves, especially us lot who may have anxiety issues…
        You have to understand, our brains are funny little things. If you're anything like me, you can find it difficult to not give in to the little guy on your shoulder telling you, 'Nope, today is not gonna be your day, it's a fail, face it already, go and wallow, take it out on those you love'. I dislike that person, the Lucy that people could have genuine hate for. The girl that lost her way. The girl that has to hide that little, pesky devil on the shoulder constantly. Tough to do, right ??

As I've written above, feeling worried that your best is just not enough to please other's will get you nowhere. Go through life at your own pace. The trouble is, when you may appear like you have yourself together, people are quick to judge when you fall, but as the quote says, don't think about it. It is really tough but try writing a small to-do list each day. I'm in no way saying you must 'be positive' 24/7 but write a post-it note to yourself every night…in the busy days of work, family, friends, leisure, pets, life (!) try and give yourself a positive or pro-active task or quote. Put effort into making yourself feel better. Life is too chaotic to live in the past or seek perfection in order to please others. Live in the moment, pay attention to your own happiness…

Here's someone who definitely deserves attention !!

So, maybe take heed of this: try & not spend time in bed on a sunny day, don't dwell on the things that you really cannot change. Sing out your positives and sing them to yourself. Be proud of the little (or humungous) achievements and remember, you want to be remembered for your talents, not noticed for daily attention seeking! 

Hope this helps a tad. Ps. Had a font change, I quite like it :-)

Putting up a Fight.

I've been quiet again haven't I guys !? I suck. Haha. Seriously though, I keep meaning to sit and write my posts but I want to steer clear of any of my negative thoughts and provide some positivity and advice. That said, whilst reading back, I think what I do write is honest and true to myself & I should stick to that… So, today I am "out of sorts! My enthusiasm for doing things is a bit low {I'm blaming the autumnal weather & toothache that has emerged} but whilst I'm feeling a bit unproductive with my free day, I've made it my priority to get you back to speed! :-)

Soo, a month on and we've found ourselves in the depths of autumn. Since my last post, I definitely feel like karma has been on my side a teeny bit more- which is great! {she says, whilst touching wood} I'm just hoping and trying to build myself up even more since I'm now in my favourite season..Halloween, bonfires, fireworks, my birthday(!), christmas. love love love.             
       When I've had the time, spending so much more time with friends & family has helped over the past few weeks. I've also focused my energies on other peoples' troubles. It's kind've deviated from mine haha. It really is true that even in the darkest of places, the truest and most loyal of people will stick by you. I've been pretty lucky there…and for all of you, look and you'll see those people who surround you. Never let them go. They are there to help. Keep fighting.

I hereby apologise for the above filthy use of language in said quote..but it cannot be helped. I know also that some judgy people may oppose to soo many quotes but sometimes, you can't think of the words that really are in your mind. You know I'm right !! 

It definitely does bother me somewhat, the lack of fight that people have. Gone are the days where people don't throw things away instantly. That said, I suppose people have their reasons, I'd just love to hear them is all… 

       As aforementioned, I've focused on other people and helped them with their pain. My dad is still going through his C treatment, but the C cells have lessoned, thus he will soon be in a state of remission. We hope. However, my mum had her own recent breast cancer scare having had a lot of pain in that area, so I supported her at a scan. Results were negative. Thank bloody god! I couldn't cope with more illness :-(

My mum. La belle. What a star!

  

So yes, onwards & upwards, this post is. It can be frustrating to explain how your feelings are an ever changing roller coaster but I had a lovely summer really, all things considered; visited plenty of new places & FINALLY saw the RAF Red Arrows perform. Despite the fact that satan [the ex] was/is a pilot, I wasn't going to let him take my enjoyment of planes away. I loved them long before I met his sorry ass haha. I probably should upload all my photos but in fairness, I haven't gotten around to sorting them all out.

Speaking of men, or lack of- My want of a nice date is going on my to-do list. I am so sick of my non interest in any guy. It's completely absurd. I'm fighting my need for a man in my life [[for mostly sexual reasons if I'm being honest]] with the fact that many repulse me (sorry!).. Sucky, sucky brain of mine!

Honestly, if anyone has any tips in fighting this single status, bring them my way. How was your Summer ??

Spring in my step!

Hello hello :-)

So, I've found myself in the depths of March & it's officially Spring! It is still a bit gloomy and chilly here in the UK but it's occasionally picking up and the sun has been shining. I cannot WAIT for all the lighter evenings and warm weather, sitting in a pub garden with a cider and friends...adorned by a light, summery maxi dress! 

I know that, again, my post uploads are severely lacking, but I think I just get wrapped up in life and get a case of writer's block :-/ As you will find in my previous posts since last summer (Life thus Far: an overview), life has thrown some right curveballs at me, but I think since the start of 2015, I started to see the light and gradually picked myself up; I still get dark days, why wouldn't I, I'm human after all? 
       I mean, my dear friend is still no longer here on Earth, my father still has cancer and a guy whom I trusted with every fibre of my being, still left me….but these are things I cannot change. But I've learnt that when you have the support of family and friends (my mum is a saviour in human form) and can feel their unconditional love, you realise that life is just testing you..yet again haha.  We all suffer from pain and it's not so bad, that's just how the cookie crumbles, right??!

What you may or may not realise is that it is Brain tumour awareness month (Brain Tumour Survival) So close to my heart, yet at times I feel I am not doing enough to raise such awareness. Since my brain tumours in '04, I do suffer from fatigue, balance issues, (occasional) anxiety and (sometimes) severe tension headaches/migraines. This is caused mostly by unwanted stress, that quite often, I stupidly bring on myself. I think that's why last year felt so difficult. I don't think people can easily understand something that is quite complex..Akin to depression, you may look very normal, but deep down, you're a complicated individual who requires lots of emotional support. Hmm.

What does help me at the moment is both exercise and taking the correct medication. Exercise is such a great focus. It's just a pity I'm not always great with consistency and healthy eating HA. But this workout gear helps, check them out at Fabletics….

Camacan Capri; Sintra Bra

Now, in the spirit of my desire for summer to hurry up, here's something amazing to listen to….imagine that mojito please ;-)