Life thus far: An overview

Soo I kind've feel like this will be a bit of a rant, so I figured I haven't got a theme, hence my LTS! I woke up Sunday with a low energy vibration to be honest which has continued, then I realised it's a new moon in taurus on the 11th. My little spiritual heart felt slightly more settled I guess! Taurus is about healing through a grounding process, so we're thinking earthy nature ofc. It allows us to re-fuel & fill your cup with self love. Definitely not a time to beat yourself up that’s for sure! I need to take heed of that fixed Earth, grounded energy to steer me in a good direction; especially during this Mental Health Week

      My younger brother turned 30 on Saturday; he's a Taurus. He's more pragmatic than me certainly and I can learn a lot from that nature. We had a little family get-together at his house which was needed. I baked Nutella cupcakes which I'll deffo be making again. My brother likes his board games and trivia, but Cards Against Humanity, I'm all for that one. These simple pleasures of normality shouldn't be taken for granted!

My weeks have been so busy at work and even though it's still working from home, I've had the odd visit and meeting in direct contact. That's felt normal-ish...I feel overwhelmed though. Work + academic work + a never empty house + an ailing grandmother- Makes me feel like I have limited time. I need to manage time better currently & curb that imposter feeling :/ 

I've spoken about karma before on here and even though I know that nothing is black and white, nor easy, I still wonder how those that really do seek true happiness, are not given it quickly or simply. Life doesn't reward goodness but honestly, I try, my family try, so hard but something always crops up to steer us off track! Are things sent to test us, if so, why continuously ha. I have fought a lot in my life, jumped through hoops and obstacles & although I'm young (33) I feel tired, tired of doing all the right things but not having what I truly want. I've settled for less recently- I don't want to do that anymore. I know deep down that I am worthy of what I wish to manifest, so why settle, 

I know that I do need to use the taurean energy to let go and let God. We can’t control everything can we…Have faith, keep going and let the chips fall where they may..

I'm sure many people look at life (now that we have some freedoms back) and feel that life is hunky dory, no issues. But there's an underbelly. When you go down that rabbit hole, I'm telling you, if you already feel a niggle, you'll get it trust me! (Not that I believe every theory) When the country makes out it is so progressive & liberal, that is when I want to scream. We’re not. It’s going backwards in my opinion and people are blinkered to see it. Can you honestly say that you feel you are empowered to have a different point of view to someone else; whether a person is right or wrong need not matter, we are supposed to live in a society where different perspectives are encouraged, are we not? 

It's even ridiculous things like, an ex once suggested I was 'the sensible one; straightlaced...' Considering he knew full well what my temperament is, it angered me so much. Still does. Cause when you know something is unjust, you want to set records straight. I'm realistic, logical, reasonable. 

Sensible and straightlaced? Sure, I don't act like a ten year old the majority of the time- I guess I need to let some things lie eh!! 

I guess it's those realisations that make me think, wow that person couldn't be arsed to really get to know me at all! I like social justice, liberty and the human right to an opinion. When they listened to my thoughts on the Pandemic sitch, they were surprised, so it makes you wonder what people class as radical after all doesn't it ?

      This ever happen to you?

This has been a rant eh. Ooh I'm sorry. I love a rant and moan at the best of times, but this past year, oh boy its been something else!! I mean, I wholly hope that restrictions are lifted in June, as suggested, but I have my niggling suspicions that life will not look quite the same as 2019 for example. Is this making any sense? Hm, I hope so. Anyway, if anyone at all is feeling even a smidgen bit sceptical or has some thoughts that don't quite fit in with "the norm," look up the WTAF Podcast with Richard Willett & Gareth Icke, and Pandemic Podcast with Dan Astin-Gregory- both on Youtube. You'll feel less alone as they speak sense, and look up your local Stand in the Park...although, lets hope that by June, this will all be a distant dream !

Idle hands, busy mind!

Happy Easter! it's been a while; I haven't had much to report. I mean who has had, when STILL living in a pandemic existence! I have had a week off work but it's gone by soo quickly and I've been most unproductive. In fairness to me, there's not exactly anything eventful to do; it's like a never-ending loop of madness, ha. The restrictions in "Stalin Britain," as I so fondly like to term it now, slightly lifted on Monday...not that it makes a blind bit of difference, in terms of my thought processes over the whole situation.

Anyway, we had a *few* sunny days so I caught up on reading, went for a walk in the woods, booked well-needed appointments, spent time with some family and started some academic work (this took a while to muster motivation to be fair) Oh, I made an Easter cake too- Obvs. 

In all honesty, I felt drained af. My head has felt flooded, and I feel guilty for doing "not a lot." This angered me, losing my temper with others angry, hmph. I feel a tad unbalanced; my equilibrium is askew. I have so many things to do that I don't think my mind has known where to turn. Perhaps it has felt too busy that my body has kind've shut down, so I've certainly caught up on sleep! 

      Hmm, maybe sometimes we need a week like that. Ideally, I'd be on a beach relaxing, but these days, that's illegal- unless you wear a face mask. Go figure. I've felt sensitive to life in general, hence the busy mind likely. I fear we're heading in such a divisive and discriminatory direction, it's not pretty. (Anyone agree? Ah, I digress....)

I know that I'm going to give myself flack for not doing enough academic work, but hopefully I'll get there in the end. We always tend do, don't we? You think you'll never get to that finish line, but somehow, the Universe takes you there. I'm banking on it anyway. We are too hard on ourselves, when in reality, our body usually lets us know what it is we need in that moment. I have found this working from home ALLL the time tricky. Starting a new role, new work's operating system, new field of work in Nov and then jumping to solely helping myself from Jan has been no picnic. I went in the once but there was no-one else there soo, waste of petrol much!? Quitting on myself hasn't been an option, but having no office space at home, and never alone in the house has been frustrating as hell. 

What is lovely though, is that Spring/Ostara is here, hurrah! It's a great season; Aries season has arrived and growth and abundance is upon us...I'm clinging to this hugely. Aries is fiery energy and urges us to transform, be grateful for the blessings we have & be clear about what we wish to attract. Manifestation and setting intentions is ideal in Aries season and maybe down time enabled me to reevaluate my busy mind- Is it possible I've been more productive than I thought ??

A week ago, I drew the Hermit card which was an invitation to retreat and travel deep into the recesses of spirit and soul. I guess I need to trust the process & realise I needed quiet time. I suppose there is value in spending time in silence, in nature and in not engaging in constant external stimulation. Being mindful; yeah, maybe I needed that. Cognitive fatigue can creep up and at times, it's better to give in to the inner voice that says "Do it all right now" Sometimes we need courage to take a break.

I overthink on a daily basis. I reign it in when I put my mind to something as soon as I'm awake- and then somehow, I get through the day with less worry. 

      If this week has taught me anything, bad days or weeks will happen; some days will be great and some may be wretched. However, please know that if you can get out of bed daily, you're doing well!

2 eggs for 2 special guys!