Laying one's cards on the table.

Well, hey. What a crazy a few months huh! (and by that, I'm talking about current society quite frankly.) Anyone else feeling that way ?? Bar the millions that protest around the globe but lets pretend we don't see that shall we.. 

So, I like to speak honestly on this outlet but I need to get more honest because my thoughts are screaming to get out. If you check out my Insta, there's a few snippets but yeah, I am so sick of this smear campaign against people who go against the narrative of everyone around us. 

I find it fascinating that people wish to become an increasingly non-binary world but opinions, ooh no there’s either correct or incorrect, as if opinions are an indication to what tribe you belong to. Opinions like these make others uneasy, like having an alternative point of view is an assault on someone else’s moral character. Can we not extend the courtesy of tolerance to listening to those with whom we disagree rather than shutting them down? The hot topic has, indeed, been Covid. Here goes nothing:

I have been missing my friend Fénian so very much and have conversations with him in my head as to how he'd feel about society right now. He was a libertarian. Much much more politically minded than me but he was all for freedom of choice, justice, fairness, integrity. I feel like he'd wish to stand up for individual rights. It pains me that he is not here to share opinions... 

Personally, if I didn't listen to all perspectives of a person's views and take them on board, I'd be a lousy Social Worker. I may not agree but a carefully considered and researched opinion is valid nonetheless.  

       I have faith in informed consent & decisions. For example, if a person understands/is aware of all risks and benefits yet they still make what you think is an unwise decision, that person owns that decision; whatever may happen after, is on them. If said person has the capacity to do that, so be it. 

I'm seeing division created, discrimination, hatred, coercion. It's terrible. Anti-vaxx versus. vaxxed. I'm sorry, since when does saying 'no or undecided' to a C vaccination mean you're against vaccinations? Pigeonholing people, calling them unhygienic or selfish for not taking it up or ditching friendships- What world is this. Residents in care homes are still being denied visitors causing immeasurable damage to their wellbeing. Breaching Human Rights, no?

I'm sympathetic to those who've lost their life or dealing with side effects from the illness (I know a couple of people who've suffered & I empathise) but I also worry for those who've experienced an adverse reaction to this vaccine. I dislike that they get zero news coverage. Do their voices or needs not matter then?

The vaccine rollout has been very successful. Those who are vulnerable, work in the caring roles or those with co-morbidities/respiratory issues were in greater need of it. We know full well that transmission is still likely, albeit symptoms are reduced (not 98% effective then..) There is public health & protection of others yes but we all have personal responsibility to look after our bodies too. The finer details are complex IMO and people need to be having educated discussions, not berating others & I mean on any side here

       Goal posts have been moved time and time again. In July, restrictions were largely removed for England- Should have been 21st June. Covid's ruined enough lives; lets not ruin life more with vaccine passports & continued pcr testing. Again, am I isolated in these thoughts?

I just wish people would stop being angry or offended about the opinions of others. It should be ok to have a different opinion and make our own choices regarding our bodies and minds.

You don't agree with me? Well cool, why don't we have an intellectual conversation about it to understand each other's opinions then! I mean, christ, when did this go out of fashion.

Don't get me wrong, on a positive note, it's been bloody great to go out & about as "normal" and socialise, go to attractions, events. I do respect that there are still people who are tentative due to their own personal reasons/medical history, those who have every right to be cautious if they're immunocompromised (pre-Covid,) but my intuition tells me that normal may be something of the past- I hope I'm wrong and we fully go back to circa 2019, but yeah I don't know. Rant over! Have a great month!

Edit: I wrote this towards the end of August but was unsure whether to post or not, but I since went away for a week to Yorkshire (beautiful Dales I'll add) and lets just say, I felt like I'd gone back a year. 

     I have also been demanded to get a C vaccination. If I don't comply, I lose my job. Ick. Making the vacs mandatory is a choice that doesn't sit well with me; it feels odd that in a job that encourages choice & independence, I'm being forced even though I follow PPE guidelines at work. 

So yeah, I'm posting. At work, I keep quiet, I don't share my thoughts on this but then a colleague bravely shared their thoughts in a Teams meeting so I guess I felt encouraged to share this. 

Life thus far: An overview

Soo I kind've feel like this will be a bit of a rant, so I figured I haven't got a theme, hence my LTS! I woke up Sunday with a low energy vibration to be honest which has continued, then I realised it's a new moon in taurus on the 11th. My little spiritual heart felt slightly more settled I guess! Taurus is about healing through a grounding process, so we're thinking earthy nature ofc. It allows us to re-fuel & fill your cup with self love. Definitely not a time to beat yourself up that’s for sure! I need to take heed of that fixed Earth, grounded energy to steer me in a good direction; especially during this Mental Health Week

      My younger brother turned 30 on Saturday; he's a Taurus. He's more pragmatic than me certainly and I can learn a lot from that nature. We had a little family get-together at his house which was needed. I baked Nutella cupcakes which I'll deffo be making again. My brother likes his board games and trivia, but Cards Against Humanity, I'm all for that one. These simple pleasures of normality shouldn't be taken for granted!

My weeks have been so busy at work and even though it's still working from home, I've had the odd visit and meeting in direct contact. That's felt normal-ish...I feel overwhelmed though. Work + academic work + a never empty house + an ailing grandmother- Makes me feel like I have limited time. I need to manage time better currently & curb that imposter feeling :/ 

I've spoken about karma before on here and even though I know that nothing is black and white, nor easy, I still wonder how those that really do seek true happiness, are not given it quickly or simply. Life doesn't reward goodness but honestly, I try, my family try, so hard but something always crops up to steer us off track! Are things sent to test us, if so, why continuously ha. I have fought a lot in my life, jumped through hoops and obstacles & although I'm young (33) I feel tired, tired of doing all the right things but not having what I truly want. I've settled for less recently- I don't want to do that anymore. I know deep down that I am worthy of what I wish to manifest, so why settle, 

I know that I do need to use the taurean energy to let go and let God. We can’t control everything can we…Have faith, keep going and let the chips fall where they may..

I'm sure many people look at life (now that we have some freedoms back) and feel that life is hunky dory, no issues. But there's an underbelly. When you go down that rabbit hole, I'm telling you, if you already feel a niggle, you'll get it trust me! (Not that I believe every theory) When the country makes out it is so progressive & liberal, that is when I want to scream. We’re not. It’s going backwards in my opinion and people are blinkered to see it. Can you honestly say that you feel you are empowered to have a different point of view to someone else; whether a person is right or wrong need not matter, we are supposed to live in a society where different perspectives are encouraged, are we not? 

It's even ridiculous things like, an ex once suggested I was 'the sensible one; straightlaced...' Considering he knew full well what my temperament is, it angered me so much. Still does. Cause when you know something is unjust, you want to set records straight. I'm realistic, logical, reasonable. 

Sensible and straightlaced? Sure, I don't act like a ten year old the majority of the time- I guess I need to let some things lie eh!! 

I guess it's those realisations that make me think, wow that person couldn't be arsed to really get to know me at all! I like social justice, liberty and the human right to an opinion. When they listened to my thoughts on the Pandemic sitch, they were surprised, so it makes you wonder what people class as radical after all doesn't it ?

      This ever happen to you?

This has been a rant eh. Ooh I'm sorry. I love a rant and moan at the best of times, but this past year, oh boy its been something else!! I mean, I wholly hope that restrictions are lifted in June, as suggested, but I have my niggling suspicions that life will not look quite the same as 2019 for example. Is this making any sense? Hm, I hope so. Anyway, if anyone at all is feeling even a smidgen bit sceptical or has some thoughts that don't quite fit in with "the norm," look up the WTAF Podcast with Richard Willett & Gareth Icke, and Pandemic Podcast with Dan Astin-Gregory- both on Youtube. You'll feel less alone as they speak sense, and look up your local Stand in the Park...although, lets hope that by June, this will all be a distant dream !

Idle hands, busy mind!

Happy Easter! it's been a while; I haven't had much to report. I mean who has had, when STILL living in a pandemic existence! I have had a week off work but it's gone by soo quickly and I've been most unproductive. In fairness to me, there's not exactly anything eventful to do; it's like a never-ending loop of madness, ha. The restrictions in "Stalin Britain," as I so fondly like to term it now, slightly lifted on Monday...not that it makes a blind bit of difference, in terms of my thought processes over the whole situation.

Anyway, we had a *few* sunny days so I caught up on reading, went for a walk in the woods, booked well-needed appointments, spent time with some family and started some academic work (this took a while to muster motivation to be fair) Oh, I made an Easter cake too- Obvs. 

In all honesty, I felt drained af. My head has felt flooded, and I feel guilty for doing "not a lot." This angered me, losing my temper with others angry, hmph. I feel a tad unbalanced; my equilibrium is askew. I have so many things to do that I don't think my mind has known where to turn. Perhaps it has felt too busy that my body has kind've shut down, so I've certainly caught up on sleep! 

      Hmm, maybe sometimes we need a week like that. Ideally, I'd be on a beach relaxing, but these days, that's illegal- unless you wear a face mask. Go figure. I've felt sensitive to life in general, hence the busy mind likely. I fear we're heading in such a divisive and discriminatory direction, it's not pretty. (Anyone agree? Ah, I digress....)

I know that I'm going to give myself flack for not doing enough academic work, but hopefully I'll get there in the end. We always tend do, don't we? You think you'll never get to that finish line, but somehow, the Universe takes you there. I'm banking on it anyway. We are too hard on ourselves, when in reality, our body usually lets us know what it is we need in that moment. I have found this working from home ALLL the time tricky. Starting a new role, new work's operating system, new field of work in Nov and then jumping to solely helping myself from Jan has been no picnic. I went in the once but there was no-one else there soo, waste of petrol much!? Quitting on myself hasn't been an option, but having no office space at home, and never alone in the house has been frustrating as hell. 

What is lovely though, is that Spring/Ostara is here, hurrah! It's a great season; Aries season has arrived and growth and abundance is upon us...I'm clinging to this hugely. Aries is fiery energy and urges us to transform, be grateful for the blessings we have & be clear about what we wish to attract. Manifestation and setting intentions is ideal in Aries season and maybe down time enabled me to reevaluate my busy mind- Is it possible I've been more productive than I thought ??

A week ago, I drew the Hermit card which was an invitation to retreat and travel deep into the recesses of spirit and soul. I guess I need to trust the process & realise I needed quiet time. I suppose there is value in spending time in silence, in nature and in not engaging in constant external stimulation. Being mindful; yeah, maybe I needed that. Cognitive fatigue can creep up and at times, it's better to give in to the inner voice that says "Do it all right now" Sometimes we need courage to take a break.

I overthink on a daily basis. I reign it in when I put my mind to something as soon as I'm awake- and then somehow, I get through the day with less worry. 

      If this week has taught me anything, bad days or weeks will happen; some days will be great and some may be wretched. However, please know that if you can get out of bed daily, you're doing well!

2 eggs for 2 special guys!

2020+1 Self-care

Hello, fellow humans! Happy new 2020+1 haha. (Yes, cause basically I think 2020 was a sneak preview..) What do you guys think ? Should I be more optimistic or am I on the money?! I'm a realist, what can I say...

Really though, Happy NY! I honestly hope that 2021 brings with it happiness, success and good health. I think it's needed, huh. On a global scale. We've had chaos, disaster, restrictions & I have no doubt that many of us feel stressed, confused or in need of a pick me up. For those who have suffered loss, I understand the tragedy of this, and I hope time helps to heal somewhat. 

       Perhaps you enjoyed the compact Christmas or was the lack of festive cheer something you missed. Lets face it, it's felt different for sure. Personally, it's been the 'build up' that I missed, no Christmas markets or carol singing with mulled wine at one of my favourite pubs. I've never been OTT with spending and so on, so that was normal (although, high streets are failing currently. V. sad) Tree and house decorated; again, normal traditions. London usually has their annual fireworks display but alas, it was cancelled. For any reader of mine, NYE is nothing too fancy for me: See New years day banter I do however like New Year's Day- which is what I will focus on here for you!

So now the gloom is out the way. Ha. (sorry, my water energy likes to kick in!) You may already be jumping to conclusions, myself included but lets put aside uncertainty and look back at what has gone right for you- What achievements have had, no matter how large or small? 

Before you let this new year fog up your vision, give your emotional state some extra care & attention. January has always been a tad blue-sy, with its dark mornings etc, so lets see if we can celebrate with gusto eh! 2021 is all about Aquarian energy..Divination, authenticity, creation, philanthropy. All we need to focus on this year is being great versions of ourselves; do that self-care so to strengthen wellbeing, relationships/work. I'm talking: -

Trust intuition, your gut- sometimes it knows best

See beyond the narratives, push through the circus of life! 

Embrace fresh air& the beauty of natures- it revitalises energy

Prioritise self and set boundaries with those around. Ex. If you want to read a chapter of a book on a Sunday morning, make it your target! & perhaps stay offline then too..

For instance, my brother and I both got new jobs last year. Mine has been particularly difficult as due to the nature of lockdowns etc, a lot of colleagues were/are working from home, leaving me feeling like a lost lamb quite often! But I've persevered, seen it as a challenge and opportunity to train, learn on my own and think hard about what I want for this year, aside from continue with this new role: -

• Aim to purchase a house or apartment
• Continue to decrease eating meat- and dairy, as neither help my gut tolerance. Love me some cheese though.
• Never settle for a man that I don't feel is worth my energy, no matter how potent the addiction!
• Travel as much as I can (time, money permitting)
• Be around like-minded people as much as poss.

These are not resolutions and I hope to expand on these but this past year has taught me that I need to find people I truly vibe with. This year I zoned in on intuition and what my core morals are, what I wish to fight for in life & who with- It's been thoroughly interesting.

What is your soul now desiring, maybe it is now different to what you originally thought? Hold those dreams close and aim to get them- Don't let a pandemic get in your way, please! 

I wanted this to be short and sweet. I’m spending the day spring cleaning so here above are my NY cupcakes. Until next time, I honestly wish a calm, courageous and fun year to you all :-)