The dating underbelly for the emotional snowballer

This may just be one of my most emotionally charged posts to date. It's late again, yes...I know, I know, but to be honest with you, where's this year flying off to!? I mean, it's July, excuse me? Sloowww down, life. Haha.

Ahem, tangents Lucy, tangents. Where was I...okay, so, by definition, I can be a bit of a chameleon by persona. I reckon we all are, to suit different occasions. Anyway, after a recent date I had back in May, I thought 'Oh, I may have a game changer here, we actually seem to suit each other!'.
      So anyway, we get to another date and I figured, I'm gonna wear my heart on my sleeve, show a lot more of the "real me", see where it gets me. Well boy could I be more wrong!! Soon after, he bolted. I determined that I was too much, put too much emotion into it. Or maybe my personality is crap HA. (No big up but it's not.) But here's the thing.. I'm 30 years of age. I entered back into the world of single, dating life at a time when society was getting a bit grim. We've got this era of Instagram, comparisons, too much choice, self-obsession..that people just think that there's always something better around the corner; they may be happy but think they can be happier, you know?    
     When will people learn that often, the grass isn't always greener?!

I've come to terms with being single, but when I date, it's actually then that I realise I dislike being 'alone'- for the record, I'm not alone, I have my family and friends but you catch my drift.. Dating is hard these days. You've got no idea what anyone truly wants and that surely must be because no-one is putting any emotion into it and that's so bloody annoying. As a person who know's what they want in a significant person, I don't mind making my feelings clear through action; I have no time to waste, people! When it's reciprocated, you figure you're both on the same page, but when they then disappear, you reallly start questioning not only yourself, but life too. {I am referring to the above fella yes, the pr*ck.}

I'm sure that to many I probably don't appear that emotional & it's true, often I can hide those feelings or thoughts we bottle up from onlookers, but whilst I can appear clear-headed, in the last few years I have also done some soul-searching.. A lot has gone on that has made me self-analyse. Do you find that once you get to your late twenties, you're much more reflective? As much as I like to think that I don't take things personally, I can tend to, especially when I care about something [although, maybe sometimes I care about the idea of something more]. That's a passionate nature though, thus, I can criticise my own persona but at the end of the day, we are our own identity, right? No excuses.

Don't apologise for being a person who's not afraid to show others their feelings, whether that be through action or vocally. There's nothing wrong with being a sensitive soul, but it is important to learn how to control the feelings, so they don't overwhelm you...or potentially, others.
       Take the above dating fiasco. I let my guard down, maybe too soon. Who knows. I was honest, I liked him but who's to say the other person truly is. You take the cues from others but then they change their mind. Perhaps that is just their prerogative ? What I'm saying is, be careful with baring all, but don't feel bad for being true to yourself.

The world is an overstimulated place, and I honestly think that one thing that can ground you and place you in the present moment is making solid connections. For a while now, for me, it's been in the hope of finding a partner I guess. It gets me thinking that maybe a lot of people have an overpowering chatter in their mind or a barrage of emotions which makes them overanalyse dating and the technicalities or "correct etiquette" that it brings...

Expressing yourself has many cognitive, emotional and social benefits and can lead to a more connected, fulfilled life with others, however, when in the company of people who may have a hidden agenda (whether they appear to be on the same page as you or not), it would be best to exercise caution - Something I need to follow myself as clearly, people take more advantage than I originally thought! Take your time when getting to know them–don’t give them too much of yourself too fast

Are you a sensitive person; a sharer; a slave to your emotions ? Here are some tips that can help to control or counteract said emotions: -

Give yourself a break: Those who are empaths/emotional people yearn for the closeness of deep, personal relationships & intimacy but as you may know, that can make dating tricky. You're probably intuitive and likely to pick up on subtle clues that most people won’t see. You may delve into something quickly, letting your feelings run wild. We struggle to let things go and crave downtime. We feel deeply.. but you know what, if a person you're considering dating is making you feel anxious about any of this, don't let them. Uniqueness should be accepted!

Self care: Making space for spiritual connection is a huge part of daily routine for the empath. So much energy is used that you need to make room for silence... Whether that be through meditation, exercise, walking in nature etc. Continue being open and honest and talk about any struggles without hesitation or fear. If you're having a bad day, week or month, don't feel ashamed or guilty..tell someone, but also understand that often, giving yourself quiet time to recharge is key.

Breathe, recite and laugh: Life is a constant wax & wane of good and bad days. If, like me, you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the latter, we're not alone. Sensitive people feel the tidal waves of many emotion, thus, slowing down is really important when you feel triggered.
For ex. Focus on consciously exhaling out tension [take 5 mins every hour to close your eyes & take your mind to a happy, calm space].
I'd also suggest tons of self-compassion. I bet you're an excellent chameleon but I also bet you're also self critical? Mantras are great to keep a daily focus of desire in mind: simply reciting "this too shall pass| I am worthy & strong| if I accomplish one thing, that is still progress." is helpful.
I also find that listening to happy music is one of the best cures to stop emotional snowballing. My go-to is usually some Deep house Ibiza mixes. They lift my mood instantly. Another is watching comedic films, or films that make me ponder: It's good to have a list of some so you can watch straight away. I watched It's Kind of a Funny Story the other week when I felt negative; definitely recommend.

Any other singletons go through this emotional pressure cooker? Or does anyone in general feel your emotional nature is beneficial or negative to your mental health ? Share your tips!

Autumnal Life for the Single Girl

IT'S AUTUMMMNN and a New Moon! It comes as no surprise as to how much I love this season. Just take a look at this for example haha: The Joy of Animals This season has everything... The crisp, amber, crackling sounds of falling leaves, the ever-changing moods of our landscapes, the purchasing of beautiful boots, the glowing heat of a roaring fire, the soft murmurs of our animals as they snuggle up to our cuddly jumpers! I love it! What I am lacking however, is a {human companion}. Yep, still single. I mean, I adore my feline loves but I couldn't half do with a manly man to hold on to on these chiller, shorter and darker nights….

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy single life. Always have. But it has been harder this time round, as you can see clearly documented!! The trouble with me last year (as I have now figured out) is that due to sooo many of the negative things that crescendoed around me, I didn't really take the time to enjoy getting to know ME again…to see how much I've grown, how much older and wiser I have become & I'm not going to apologise for now understanding this about myself, and I urge you all to do some soul-searching too :-) 

So, here's my little dating update. Ok, so first off, I can't even remember when my last date was. Seriously. That long ago. To be honest, I think the bloke just put me off. He was a teacher (good start, no names mentioned ha) but I soon realised that it was a wham-bam-thankyou-mam that the little mister was after, so no thanks. A shame, the fella was cute. Anyways, after a year and a bit of the same scenario, different guy, I've come to figure that dating in 2016 is alll about the quick gains. 

       I just can't seem to find anyone that I feel ANYTHING for. It's a totally disconnect…as Miss Carrie Bradshaw would say. Perhaps my heart isn't in it, perhaps I enjoy single me too much, maybe my complexities[?] are a shade too much.

I'm not after a full on relationship; it just would be nice though to find 1 person with whom I can share my life a little- someone who has shared interests. Take this for instance, I was sort've getting to know this guy who was slightly older than me. Anyway, I asked one day whether he'd like to go the Red Bull Air Races. I got a grunt and "What's that then?" To be fair, I thought the name was a dead give away paha. He had zilch interest. After that, I couldn't really see us going very far together. I'm beginning to think my dating processing in 2017 shall have to be a tad more selective and insular. Ar man. Tell me I'm not alone in this??

I don't really foresee me dating anyone in the months leading up Christmas. This is the realist me talking now. I don't even mind this, but what about a handy mini guide eh for what us single gals' can do to ease us nicely into the New Year, whilst relishing in the fact that we have no ties or drama {YAY!?!?}

• Use your time wisely. Most of my friends are domesticated (coupled up, in my language), thus I need to make sure I'm being productive with free time when no-one's available for get-togethers! Cliché but gain a new hobby. You never know, you might meet that special someone with similar interests to you…I'll be taking my own advice here; note to self Luce.
• Get outside!! This is so important even if you're in a relationship, but when single, just go out in the fresh, open air and get exercise on your lonesome. For me, I'm connecting more with my spiritual self & to absorb nature and its goodness, as seen below. It supports in de-clogging your mind. Mine is a chatter brain- so guys, just go and take yourselves out. Be active!

• Revitalise & reevaluate. In every sense of the word! Simply enjoy the fact that you can invest a little more time into figuring out your hopes and dreams. Use this opportunity to take fate into your hands..think hard about which principles are important to you in a person. It would be ideal to share similar interests with a partner indeed, but it's not top priority; it is key though that they don't dismiss your likes (as above for me!) Compromise is good- don't go searching for them though. Revel in this autumnal season but keep your heart and eyes wide open for potential soulmates: new or old!!
• Pamper yourself! This is self-explanatory. You may be single & we all have wants and needs but remember to cherish yourself first. It's vital in keeping yourself positive. You may think "oh forget the shaving and looking good, it's nearly halloween/thanksgiving/christmas, I'll eat my weight in cakes". Sure, do that, but I'll guarantee you'll be more miserable in January! Keep yourself fuzz-free and treat yourself to plenty of relaxing bubble baths with candles, wine & a book…festive candles, hello? That art exhibition you wanted to see- take yourself. Wear that little red number with that sultry perfume ;-)

So please guys, is it just me feeling this!? Or maybe some of you are in relationships where your other half doesn't quite understand you? What other single girl behaviours do you do during this season?? I'd love to hear from you…

A tale of a two month slump!

It appears to me that two months seems to be my "go-to" number in regards to the length of my post hiatus'. That must change. Now!

This, my blogsphere folk, is going to be an honest overview. To be fair, I'm always pretty open right?! However, I have no qualms in saying I have endured a wretched couple of months...personally. I'd love to put a positive spin on things but that isn't always me and I can't pretend that it is. Life, for some of us, is not always smelling of roses; I've mentioned before about how my identity can differ and how I can change facades and adapt. Well, that got tiring… 

For a while I think I have felt like I've lost my identity somewhat. Physically, mentally, sexually, soulfully, sensually. Ever felt like that? It doesn't half suck! 
      I know why the feelings are lingering, but I just haven't known how to handle it of late. I've felt a bit disconnected from my friends (even though they are GREAT supportive listeners & it's my fault) but they don't need to be bogged down with my crap when everyone has their own issues to contend with.
      I do reckon I've turned a corner, I hope through the use of a new understanding of how your brain really can be affected years later after brain surgeries and new medication, I can be less temperamental, for want of a better word.  It's all trial and error. I'm also back exercising as I lost that focus too and I'm seeing that as a positive stage as I must be feeling more stable. Thank god though because I've put on a fair few pounds and feel whale-esque :-/ 

Ya see, I come from a pretty highly strung family. I'm close to my grandmother but we can clash SO much, maybe because we're alike in the worst ways. Achievers, stubborn, obsessive, worriers. These can be good traits but lately they have been my downfall. I'm very aware that I most be one of the most stubborn women in the world but that has turned into skyrocketing anxiety levels :-( Some days it's like my head is literally going to explode haha. Not the easiest or prettiest thing to hide from people!!

Inside my brain..probably!!

Anyyyways, it does feel kind've tricky these days to be me. Or to just be. I don't know, I suppose life seemed so exact a year ago. I was so certain on where life was going. Ever since I was 16 & being diagnosed with the tumour, life never really gave me what I wanted; I always worked hard for things…which is fine and all, but it can be bloody frustrating when you see others' getting EVERYTHING! I'm not particularly an envious person..we're all rich in differing ways, but for the last couple of months, I've been so jealous of couples. You know the awful feeling when they are just everywhere you look, acting all perfect and precious. Bleurgh! Screw them! 

      Thing is, I want that. I had that. And some days, dare I say, I want that back. But alas, ancient history sadly. F*ck him ha. As morbid as sounds, I've treated these last 11 months like grief. I grieved for my friend passing on, so why not a failed relationship right?! Probably not the greatest advise to give but when you give something up that you love what else can you do. 

However, all I'm lumbered with is bad dates with mediocre, 2-a-penny men! I seem to be on a roll with them. I mean my god, do blokes really think you can win a girls' heart with arrogance, a bottle of wine [that they wish for you to drink alone- Yeah because I'll fall for that!] and chauvinistic humour- Where are the intelligent, beautiful men at?!! So for now, I'm not fishing for dates, there's definitely no point looking for "the one", not when you're 27 yo and have a "type". I suppose I should be more flexible, but I have tried that within my [almost]year of being single & it's not worked...To be fair, I'd rather date my cat. And being fancy-free & single is enjoyable at times ha.

On to something else entirely different, the tv series, The Affair, has begun in the UK. It is so good and feeding my missing sexuality in life, if you please! With two awesome British actors in an American drama, you can expect great suspense and storyline, adult themes and fabulous scenery. If you haven't managed to watch it, check it out! 

Until next time :-) If you have any single girl tips or bad dates to share, go right ahead.

A New Year, A New Me Maybe

Hello! And a very belated Happy New Year to all :-) 

I've been, yet again, a slacker of a blogger for a few months…my only excuse is that I spent the previous few months taking my own advice [breakup wise], focusing greatly on my friends, work and the festive season, in which I hope everyone also enjoyed!! I really enjoyed my Christmas; it was very family oriented which is lovely when you don't always get see everyone frequently, isn't it? A couple of weeks ago I was on a course of antibiotics as I was diagnosed with a chest infection and sinusitis. Nice. It made sense, I'd felt rough since Oct/Nov! I had the flu jab as well so I was pretty annoyed that I didn't get away with illness. Grr. Winter is a pain eh. Great for the clothing wardrobe though eh! 
         Oh, and to top it off, I sprained my foot afterwards, think my body clearly thought I was an accident prone one woman show :-P

If you have read my previous posts, you will see that I am certainly an animal lover. Well in November, I thought it would be nice to adopt a new companion for my Tilda, since our senior cat had passed away. My first cat, god bless him, was a little boy, so I thought it would be lovely to have another, although I did pre-determine that perhaps a boy and girl will not get along too well. Fast forward, and I am correct. Tilda is a timid, precious, little girl, and to be greeted by a boisterous Tabby boy was probably not one of my greatest ideas. It began with a lot of hissing and growling from Tilly.  She is getting slightly more tolerable but prefers to stay away from him at all costs which saddens me as I don't want her to feel she needs to hide. Any advice would be great? Research into this behaviour will continue.

On to another furry love of mine..my hamster Pippin.  He will be two years old this May, so he is getting on a bit now :( Sadly, about a week ago, I noticed that his tummy seemed enlarged. He is eating normally but I'd say he drinks quite a lot and seems to be nesting. I have come to the awful conclusion that he has a tumour. He is old but most of my childhood hammy's lived to 3. So I am quite sad that he may soon die. I will probably take him to the vets for confirmation, but I fear they'll say he needs to be euthanised. I suppose that is the kindest thing to do….? But I will miss him very much indeed.

So, since my last post, I have been on a few more dates. I have been single now for six months, there's been tears, hatred, reflection..the whole lot, and it's fair to say, I'm still yet to find my true love, but you know what, I'm now 27 years of age and even though settling down is on my agenda, I am still young; as every one keeps telling me!! Now, on to the dates HA well, they've been fun but if they are anything to go by, either I am really picky or I was just lucky with my last boyfriend! My last relationship, as many can tell, was important to me but I can see it for what it is now..somebody gave up on me & I do not like that. If somebody really loves you, they try harder; but we all have limits in relationships and the other person hit theirs :-/ I am a true believer in fate and that life has a path for you. It still confuses me as to why certain things in my life have happened, but they have, and you have to learn to cope with it. 

What I certainly haven't been doing is judging men by the standard of the boyfriend which once was. There is no point in comparisons, it gets you nowhere, but I'm not rushing into anything that's for sure. I don't think you should invest into something with someone when you aren't sure if it is right. 
        Now to be honest, I've come to the realisation that analysing & thinking everything happens for a reason is a woman's game. Men can get away without even a goodbye but some of us girls spend time searching for knowledge, but those people are usually going through some kind've self-improvement….Well that's me done. Maybe there aren't always reasons. For the last three months I've worked on myself and what I do want to do is continue having interesting dates; if love comes along, great. If not, then I'm not seeking it WHOLLY anyways! I do have criteria though but don't we all? I don't think anyone should scrimp on that :-D  

Utilising your tools is a must. Have fun with single life, it definitely doesn't need to be lonely, there's plenty of single men out their ladies!! Just think, whoever let you go it's their loss, they've now freed you to find plenty of uncomplicated, attractive singletons. Just don't confuse them all ;-)