Let's just boss babe this year!

Hi everyone! And hi 2018...I feel kind of freaked out at how quickly the years are flying by if I'm honest. Are you ?

It has also got me to thinking/re-evaluating what is best for me in the route I'm taking in life. Every January I get rather nostalgic and whimsical thinking about goals and past achievements. (I spent last week feeling rotten with a cold so this week can count as my new beginning!)
       This said, this isn't a New Year, New me. No. I want us to continue...continue growing. Resolutions are not needed IMO as they often get broken, ie. I will cut out carbs. Not happening !!

What we can do is: Resolve to try something new. Resolve to be bold. Resolve to grow.
This is the perfect time to get a fresh perspective on your life in the new year and think about what went right in the previous year & work on that. My Instagram & blog have been important to me and it's recently given me insight into what to invest in more. Since reading my January '17 post, I can see some good changes but also some more goals I can focus on. A big dose of self-expansion is my aim and I would love for certain loves of mine to prosper; such as mental health, social work and brain tumour awareness..

I feel like I need to invest in my mind every day to really engage with my true self. I will be the first to admit that last year I still had a subconscious thread of self-doubt that reared its head occasionally. I've had a few years where I've had to work on that (with some huge backup from my mum whom I regard as my truest, best friend a girl can have!) Self-doubt causes so many crappy things to form..anger, unfair comparisons, fear, intrusive thoughts, low mood, procrastination.

So what have I learnt in 2017 and what should change? What wisdom can I spread to one and all!? (..sense my sarcasm please. I'm not the oracle) I will try though: - 

When I read posts from say, a couple of years ago, I can see how my writing style has evolved and blossomed. My posting is not consistent, I know, and I don't really know why but my life just gets in the way and I forget. Bizarre as I love writing; it's therapeutic. I used to keep diaries as a teen but then switched to a daily *to-do diary*. I don't want to look back at this post next year and to not have progressed, so by March I would like to publish my brain tumour story and perhaps begin a book as such - if the interest arises of course. 

I really enjoy the spiritual path I've been on & it's helped to understand myself more. However, I have lots I want to learn and as much as I like to learn through trial & error, I could do with some guidance and teaching so more books perhaps, witchy tools, affirmations or a Buddhist course. I want to heighten my energetic vibrations and align with the Universe.

No more excuses or procrastination. This really is my demon sometimes. I have a lot of thoughts that whirl around my head a lot of the time so I certainly need to re-centre myself and gain focus and energy from something very positive such as meditation or alternative therapies.  

I wish to pay attention to matters of wellness. I'm 30 years old now {blimey.} and my health is important- I also want to be in the best shape I can, for me. Be mindful of my diet and exercise self-discipline when it comes to naughty foods that disagree with IBS symptoms! When I do work out, I never regret it but my problem is staying on track for sure. 

Last year, I felt like a lot of misguided judgements were pointed at me. I'm fairly intuitive and definitely felt like every time I tried to date, for instance, a barrier was put in the way {not by me!} I don't know if that's down to the society we live in, or that men just don't get my fairly dark humour. I mean, come-on it's 2018, let's not be so serious yeh!? No-one likes a wet fish. It's not just that though, as a fiery person, I'm also empathetic so it's hard to shake things off. My mum has felt pretty burned by last year; she's what people call a very friendly, lovely, helpful person but that can have its burdens. I won't go further but this year needs to be about balance of character; learning to develop on positive characteristics, let things go but staying true to self ultimately. 

A positive mindset generally begins with self-care I think. Never feel guilty for nurturing yourself. When you take care of you, there’s more of you to go around other people. Make time to relax, whether that's enjoying a warm bath or getting outdoors. I'm making it my mission to take up new hobbies..I love to walk in Wales or the Lake District, so more of that please. But extend it further, tick off the travel list, join a dance club. What I'm saying is, do more of what you love this year. No excuses and no apologies. Claim what you desire!

So..girls (& guys), be the biggest #bossbabe you can this this 2018. Take your dreams, and pursue them by the balls...

All that glitters is not gold?

Dear August, You used to be so hot when I was a youngster. Now, you're a burnt out soul…

It's raining here in England. It's dull and I feel miserable and procrastination has set in. I feel unproductive. Sometimes, you need to surrender to your physical feelings and slow the hell down. 

I can feel this cosmic tug that's trying to drag me under, and that, I won't allow. I've learned now that my body will let me know when I need to "just be" but I also have some quite life-altering things coming up very soon so my Positive, proactive, speedy hat needs to be firmly on. 
          This sounds so negative I know but it's simply honesty. I don't enjoy fakeness. What I'm saying is, say yes and give way to the energy you're feeling. That fire in your little belly yearns for some reflection. Recharge those batteries in a day & see what's on your mind: - 

- Is it a vacation you need ?
- A new career plan ?
- A pet ?
- A tech detox ?
- An afternoon of spontaneous adventure ?
- A date ?
- A new outfit ?

These quick fire thoughts are the things you truly crave and will bring new joy or possibility to your life. A lot of the time, they are the simple things...like indulging in a hot, bubble bath with a glass of wine; sweet, relaxing sounds and scents surrounding you.
     Think of it like story writing, write down little gems of wisdom. This is your bit of glitter, be it however small. Life is about seeing beauty in the little things around us and sometimes, overwhelming, differing thoughts can leave you reviewing your whole life, but take a day to forget about the practicalities of how to figure out those loud thoughts- focus on something small…All that glitters is not gold.

A lot of problems occur these days due to comparison, and because I've had a few days of feeling like I'm stagnant {check out my Insta for more chat on this!} or my life's just trucking along, it got me to thinking how quickly you can lose your logical sense. Perfection really does not exist, everything is trial & error. Society has become obsessed with attaining the impossible ideal at all levels and the trouble is, some people get sucked into the realm but in fact, the glitzy, perfect perceptions people have are often not that precious at all or indicative of ones' true nature! Authenticity looks like it's gone out of the window with carefully orchestrated individual's walking around instead, thus leaving the minority of real people who recognise that 'All that glitters is not gold', feeling their own anxieties even more intensely which is ridiculous because knowing ones' flaws & strengths is the key to higher potential! A great phrase I heard is "So many selflies, so little knowledge of self."
     So please know, the muddy water will disperse when you just sit still for a while and be true to yourself. Recognise all the sentimental feels but know that the logic will return in due course!

Key pointers
Know thyself. Decipher what's held you back from your opportunities.. Mindful introspection on the past & present you can help your gain clarity on your divine life purpose
Stay humble and know that success happens in its own time.. Don't distract yourself with conventional thinking; ground yourself back with the spiritual realm, breathe out the perfectionist ideals and be true to you!
Don't put value on things that is not true beauty; those that put too much emphasis on narcissism or materialism reflects fool's gold-- It's not real!!!

Here's to a productive, feisty month, hopefully full of our own bit of sparkle, happiness and fulfilment! 

New Year's Day Banter!

So folks… It's New Year's Day. My love to you all! 

That snuck up quickly on us eh guys!? These last few of months have been, lets say, emotional. As I sit here with my glass of Shiraz and a good ole mince pie, I'm wondering how to word this post. I could sit here like every other human and discuss all of those gleeful resolutions that go in through one year and out the other, or I could boast about what wonderful things have happened.
       I could do that, my life is never without its positives or fun times, as is documented in previous posts, but I wish to get to the nitty gritty. I'm not a person who seeks for attention or sugar coats my life with fanciful, idealistic sentiments; that quite honestly, is not often true but the festive season craves it. I just want to lay bear the truth. Honesty is all I seek (although, I fear I sound cynical!) so here we go.
     
This NY I wish to celebrate every single person who suffers with any kind of hardship; and most importantly the big C. Cancer. I have endured my own illness and all the joys (haha..) that it brought about, but I could handle that because it was my own suffering. However, I've found it so much more overwhelming lately to see my father be so poorly and rundown due to his maintenance treatment; that has caused significant side effects {for bladder CIS cancer}. Thus, Christmas and New Year has felt, for want of a better word, difficult! It's been bloody hard to feel a) festive and b) joyous. I managed and we coped and all in all, it was lovely to be amongst family and friends. Optimism was on my side :-)

People forget so easily the many hardships that people can endure and especially at seasonal holidays. In just a blink of an eye, people can feel a sense of expectation to provide anecdotes of their achievements, right!? Well-intentioned but often heightened cheer and well-wishes, that all too often seem to disappear when January is in full swing. I'm all for celebration and love Christmas but it can prove tricky when you think of the millions of people who are suffering…just like my dad.
       This new year does however provide a chance to get rid of that; cancel toxicity, clear greed/vanity & delete comparisons. As I've noted, so many people are going through some real difficulty at present and this has really anchored deep into my soul recently. All I can offer is the opportunity forthwith to create new memories and moments. In illness for example, battle on and have strength. Have faith in you. I do. You can do it!

Lets face it, 2016 has had many issues on a personal & global scale. What with the mass of celebrity deaths and the terrors of war and terrorism, 2017 can only leave you with one feeling: Hope. Sweet friends, today marks the beginning of a brand new chapter. If you are reading this and perhaps going through some difficulties, know that all it takes is to put one step in front of the other. You see, goals are something that can be set or re-set all throughout the year. So take time in January to map out your hopes and desires. Understand why you want to achieve them and maybe share them with others so you get the accountability you need to not give up. It's an invitation to become present and mindful. That infinite potential that you see before you doesn't need to weigh heavy. Forget about everybody else and give your life a chance. Dig deep to find your determination and focus on that well-being!

So for me it's very simple. It's goodbye and good riddance to 2016. It's been a tumultuous year for our world as a whole & particularly for my family. So I wish us all health, happiness and success; but please bear this quote in mind and lets smash 2017!

Does this resonate or help?? I'd love to hear your Christmas & NY stories- good or bad! 

Take care guys. Love & light <3

What Is Love?

Hi Lovely Ones! 

In this instance, I'm going to show you something I added on my Insta {right hand side} in which is something I feel very strongly about right now… 

In the aftermath of the absolutely barbaric attacks of terrorism [or lets be realistic..declaration of War] upon our World, I feel somewhat in limbo within myself. Firstly, with how utterly incomprehensible & tragic these attacks are and also how much we need to cherish love. 
        I'm surrounded by a caring family & friends and realise how much I can take it for granted. Life is short and this quote..I want this. {back/again in life ?} Soulmates are rare to find. Grab love with both hands.

The end of the year is nigh and I don't know whether it's a shift in the treacherous weather making getting out of bed a whole lot harder or a shift in my emotional state, but I'm going from philosophical-loving-gloomy-good humoured-angry in about 5 seconds flat these days. 
       Being that it is exactly ONE month until Christmas and TWO days until my 28th birthday, my stress/anxiety levels could be heightened. Or so one of my friends reckons. Thing is, when I think about the above, I think of all the horrors of the world and then think of me, and how I possibly have thrived on stress for so many years that it somehow all toppled down onto me, and then I feel guilty. Like I'm a fraud, ya know?
      Because I am loved, I'm a lucky person but yet, I still compromise the position I am in. It can be tiring to continue to beat yourself up for things that you can't control. Even more tiring when you still have to function in life as normal & almost lie about how you feel/who you are…[1] 
       Then I figured, it's rejection I fear. Rejection of that kind've soulmate intimacy; that I miss, that I want again, that I can't find yet. Despite the fact that I've now been single over a year (Blimey. That's whizzed by), I have to be honest, if the guys I've been left with are anything to go by, I realllly don't want them in my bed ha! Call me picky but I'm old enough to know what I like & where I'm heading. Yes, I have a type I suppose. Look how that worked out for me. Life, you kill me….!! 

[1] There it is, in typical Luce style, I have backtracked. A month ago I wanted to "Put up a fight" You know the saying "one step forwards, two steps back". It's almost like I am not heeding my own advice. I know exactly what triggers negativity/anxieties for me, yet I still push at it. I also am not liking some peoples' opinions towards mental health; the comments they make that make me think 'Am I being fake?' 
It's those "what ifs and defences"  that are my demon. I'm a passionate person, I over-think things because I care but sometimes I think it can get confused by intensity & can then easily form arguments which get miscommunicated which most definitely ended things for my last relationship. I realise that the fretting that I was feeling back then was probably because I felt I was losing (him). That scared me. But I also scared (him). So I'm glad I know that now. I'm a bit crazy ya know ;-)

After a recent discussion with my neuropsychologist, I definitely felt that I am going to do further research into 'alternative' support- as if I'm being perfectly honest, and as anyone is aware I'm a straightforward kinda girl- I don't gel very well with her. I just think we know ourselves the best and I know what I'm doing. Does that sound inconsiderate or make sense!?

Moving swiftly on to some less, intense chit-chat (!)..my Halloween was lovely. Seemed a pretty fitting holiday this year, considering what emotions whirl through my little head! After that, I got ill for a week or so; struck down with the lurgy- I personally blame the flu jab (taken for my low immune system). So no Fireworks this year….
I've been to the theatre a lot recently, there's nothing more magical than the theatre. Bloody love it! 
       The world knows how to struck us when we're hot eh? ;-) Ha.

Exercise has been fabulous; but half a stone takes BLOODY forever to leave!

Just Keep Going; You are Strong

  

Putting up a Fight.

I've been quiet again haven't I guys !? I suck. Haha. Seriously though, I keep meaning to sit and write my posts but I want to steer clear of any of my negative thoughts and provide some positivity and advice. That said, whilst reading back, I think what I do write is honest and true to myself & I should stick to that… So, today I am "out of sorts! My enthusiasm for doing things is a bit low {I'm blaming the autumnal weather & toothache that has emerged} but whilst I'm feeling a bit unproductive with my free day, I've made it my priority to get you back to speed! :-)

Soo, a month on and we've found ourselves in the depths of autumn. Since my last post, I definitely feel like karma has been on my side a teeny bit more- which is great! {she says, whilst touching wood} I'm just hoping and trying to build myself up even more since I'm now in my favourite season..Halloween, bonfires, fireworks, my birthday(!), christmas. love love love.             
       When I've had the time, spending so much more time with friends & family has helped over the past few weeks. I've also focused my energies on other peoples' troubles. It's kind've deviated from mine haha. It really is true that even in the darkest of places, the truest and most loyal of people will stick by you. I've been pretty lucky there…and for all of you, look and you'll see those people who surround you. Never let them go. They are there to help. Keep fighting.

I hereby apologise for the above filthy use of language in said quote..but it cannot be helped. I know also that some judgy people may oppose to soo many quotes but sometimes, you can't think of the words that really are in your mind. You know I'm right !! 

It definitely does bother me somewhat, the lack of fight that people have. Gone are the days where people don't throw things away instantly. That said, I suppose people have their reasons, I'd just love to hear them is all… 

       As aforementioned, I've focused on other people and helped them with their pain. My dad is still going through his C treatment, but the C cells have lessoned, thus he will soon be in a state of remission. We hope. However, my mum had her own recent breast cancer scare having had a lot of pain in that area, so I supported her at a scan. Results were negative. Thank bloody god! I couldn't cope with more illness :-(

My mum. La belle. What a star!

  

So yes, onwards & upwards, this post is. It can be frustrating to explain how your feelings are an ever changing roller coaster but I had a lovely summer really, all things considered; visited plenty of new places & FINALLY saw the RAF Red Arrows perform. Despite the fact that satan [the ex] was/is a pilot, I wasn't going to let him take my enjoyment of planes away. I loved them long before I met his sorry ass haha. I probably should upload all my photos but in fairness, I haven't gotten around to sorting them all out.

Speaking of men, or lack of- My want of a nice date is going on my to-do list. I am so sick of my non interest in any guy. It's completely absurd. I'm fighting my need for a man in my life [[for mostly sexual reasons if I'm being honest]] with the fact that many repulse me (sorry!).. Sucky, sucky brain of mine!

Honestly, if anyone has any tips in fighting this single status, bring them my way. How was your Summer ??

What lies within us...

Do you ever feel like nothing goes the way you intend, like karma and kismet are just not on your side ???

I definitely do! I don't know what it is about this year for me, but I'm pretty sure I've hit a mental blockage of sorts. One that I can hide particularly well!! Which is wrong isn't it? I don't want to hide anymore from who I am. Yes, I do feel like my identity has vanished somewhat in the past few months but gradually, I'm picking up the pieces, and we can all do that despite the fact that we can be our own worst enemy. I know it seems difficult for those of us who seem to hit a brick wall so often, but believe me…we are the strong ones! 

For these past few months [?] I've been over-analysing my life tenfold and got myself to the point of illness, struggling to receive any answers or support. Doctors only see things from a medical perspective I believe. I think they struggle to see a (psycho)social model of people's behaviour. However, in my case at the moment, I do wonder if they are right. If I put my professional hat on, yes I can see the Social Work aspects of my life that have gone wrong & I can understand why my brain still struggles to comprehend why certain things are incorrect…but the only way that's being modified at the moment is via medication. Which I have always needed anyways due to my former surgeries & the side effects that occurred [migraines etc], but I have to agree with Doctors in this case, that medication does work. However, it only masks symptoms, not cure. 

Well let me tell you, if you are going through some life difficulties, never think you are worthless. We all deserve so much joy, but that needs to come from within. I've been trying to condition my mind through force..like literally, psycho cray cray talking myself into doing things that used to be a doodle for me!! It's working for now people :-) 

I'm sure that many people can relate to the "feeling fine, looking fine" ideology, whereby, people are so stereotypical to think that because someone appears ok on the outside, they must be feeling alright. This is where the problems begins right? It's tiring to justify oneself and almost backup why you actually feel like crap. I mean, since my last post, things have gone pretty well for me; give or take a few "black" days, but does that make things better all round? Life is just a performance after all!!
        Looking back at when I was 16/17, whilst all of my friends were leading jovial, simple lives, I was going through sheer hell, and from then on, I can pinpoint exactly why life has felt like a hamster wheel. Then boom, everything goes right, I finished my education, I found the man of my dreams; then he left me. Life has a vendetta against me. Or does it? They do say everything happens for a reason, but that's when the problems start forming…the obsession to find out why things happen to us. 

The complexities of existence is so vast that nothing can be as simple as good karma or bad karma. I think it's a social conditioning that we've manifested to control what life throws but there is that niggling thing of why the cards that are delt do not always "even out the goodness" and that's what pisses me off. It's something you cannot control…

Do you feel like it's as if negative energies are filling up around your soul, and you find it more & more tiring to break free, even though you desperately want to fulfil your passions and feel as you once did..? I know that feeling too well and that's where I get frustrated with karma. Where it's almost like you're the one getting dished bad luck and inequality- that cannot be ones' destiny, right?

I know that we cannot look at other people's lives & conduct comparisons, but it's human nature isn't it, to do so. I try my hardest not to wonder but lately I've been pondering why some of us end up leading somewhat stressful lives, and other people sail through. I think it's almost like your mind has conditioned yourself to think that you are worthless and deserve nothing, thus, you don't act on getting what you desire. 
       So I ask myself- and you- what can we do to stop the panic, stop the anxieties, the modern pressures, the OCD etcetc? Why have we [the chosen ones!] been given such hardships in life, while other's get everything they desire in life; who at times, I feel don't deserve it ??  

       Where is the justice and what are we doing so wrong?

The thing here is, it is so difficult for those with mental health/emotional/cognitive issues to feel like it's not your fault things are as they are {Illness is not your fault; there are some things we can't control}. I believe in being the architects of our fate. I really do think that good karma will come around to those of us who need it, but you can't wait for that to happen. You need to chase it. Don't allow other people to have what you're dreaming of. 
       Easier said than done I know as it's illness' that can stop people from venturing into the unknown or out to our favourite places..but things do catch up with us and suddenly things change through the choices we make. I do feel that our lives are mapped out for us in some ways, to use to either improve upon or dampen..but some things are just meant to happen. Yes, some of us get a lot of "bad luck"- do we deserve it? Hell no. Can we handle it? Hell yes. 

I'm sure that some may think of this is a jealous or bitter question, but I am not that at all. In fact, I am fully aware that some people have very little in life in comparison to me. What I'm talking about is luck. Kismet, if you will. After delving deep inside my thoughts, I think it is apparent that some of us just need extra support, unconditional love. Including from ourselves; from within. I really do believe that those of us have have suffered & survived traumas are exceedingly strong. Like an old, noble soul on a young vessel. 

         Keep that in mind and breathe in this flawless quote…

 














Final note.. I'm sure anyone from the UK may have heard of Jonny Benjamin, featured in his documentary: The stranger on the Bridge. For those in the US, his story can be found here: The stranger on the Bridge but below, I've added a video of his that may be useful if you struggle with all the different types of thoughts that can enter ones' mind.

Take care all :-) 

Optimism on a dull, grey day.

Hello lovely ones!! 

I wanted to take this opportunity to offer my thanks. I have had some very lovely comments and feedback from people about my Instagram, blog and the content. It feels so good to hear that people appreciate my words and that I may have helped them in some small way, inspired or cheered them up. So thank you; and keep the comments and messages coming! Let me know how I can help out :-) Insta link: Personal Instagram

It is exactly the direction I wish to take with this here blog. I would love to branch out more in to the blogosphere, as writing really does give me some cathartic clarification [So if anyone would like to offer some tips, please do…] 

I have found 2015 to be a pretty tough year for me, which to be honest, I wasn't expecting. It's funny isn't it, how life springs negative things on us eh?! As they say, life's a bitch…
       I ended 2014 hoping to begin a new chapter in life, after my relationship [[and potential future]] ended so abruptly, and in fairness, I felt optimistic and my job provided a lot of that. However, like at many other points in my life thus far, "God" or "someone" felt that I needed another pitfall!! Ha. Give me strength. I'd begun some new medication back in November '14 and it was going great until my new GP decided to use me as his guinea pig. Eurgh. To cut a long story short, it screwed with my brain big time and somehow I think some post traumatic stress was sprung upon me. Lovely stuff!!

I'm Agnostic if anyone is wondering! See: A question of Faith 

Working through all of this has been difficult, but sort've enlightening. Keeping up those ol' facades of mine has been an effort though I can tell you that! It has hugely frustrated me recently how some folk exclaim that they never get what they want, yet from what I can see, they clearly do. Yet those of us who, dare I say, deserve some luck, get nothing. Where is Karma - show yourself!
       Now that we are in August - Hang on, August, where does the time fly to!?!, I'm gradually beginning to feel better within myself, and I'm actually more or less content with my single status. I have days where I think I should just settle for someone so I can have all those slushy, couply stuff that humans crave [HA] but there's no way I'm doing that. I'm waiting for my man..prince..soulmate. He's out there somewhere. She says :-/          

For all of you out there who suffers with personal issues, whether that be mental, physical etc, please know that speaking out is the first step to recovery. There are always going to be triggers, but there is always help. So many people are empathetic and understanding to your needs. I really hope that I myself embody that. We sometimes may feel worthless, hard work or temperamental, but please do remember that inner strength is usually within you in spades! I came across these fantastic images recently, so I'll share them….