Lets talk resilience

It's been a good two months since my last post..It's been a tumultuous 2 months. Definitely a significant year in our contemporary history!

2020 certainly is the year of an (ongoing) global pandemic of not only COVID, but also of worldwide protests against racism and police violence. Now, I want to make it clear that indeed, I feel empathy towards those who've suffered a loss of friends or relatives due to the virus, and also understand the huge plight of the world taking a stand against structural racism. However, we all have thoughts, feelings and opinions that differ to other people and all emotions are valid. I want to discuss how I've been dealing with my own resilience recently, and offer some skills/tips, because I don't know about you, but I've found life tricky- Particularly in the last month. On the whole, my resilience is very good. I've been through such struggles, that I can tolerate a lot. For ex. Having spent a month in a hospital, you feel institutionalised. Adjusting to "normality" can be tough, but I've begun to have that sensation again; feeling caged in...
       Do you remember the #bekind campaign that was floating around before the virus came alone? Yeah, me neither! I've observed so much over these months that make me think how fickle humans are. The hatred that comes spewing out of people's mouths. It's mind boggling. People say everything is for "justice reasons," but honestly, it's looks like anger and fear to me. What message does this send ? I witness judgement of others, probably of myself also; who knows. What are people lacking in their lives when they have supported in developing division during this lockdown.
       Non mask wearers vs those that do; people who 'Tut' at you if you accidentally don't follow the marked arrows in supermarkets; or the multiple people who glared at me and snarkily looked at my 87 year old grandmother whom I took out for the first time in three months of her shielding indoors. [It has been difficult for my grandmother to compute all of the mass media, and she doesn't wholly understand the need for the imposed regulations etc- So imagine how bewildering places are now for her] What a dire manner to act around an elderly lady. I honestly don't know how people have the emotional energy to hold on to such strong opinions that they then deem as factual; a lot of the time, it's unsubstantiated. What's happened to alternative thinking. The human race has become too carefree and irresponsible with their actions & thoughts.

The pandemic has clearly offered an opportunity for us to use this reset to be more conscious and to think about how we can improve, as individuals and collective. For ex, I do think a huge positive has been that the lockdown has provided a lifeline for rough sleepers. Thousands have been given shelter, security & help- fantastic. Although, what happens next & also, why did it take a pandemic to sort this out? Social issues like this really highlight how the Tory Gov. have had important issues directed in their faces! We’re living in extraordinary times.

Stay with me...The above has developed in to somewhat of a prologue.

The last three months has triggered increased anxiety for many. The virus outbreak has had such heightened media attention, which has sparked feelings that some people are not accustomed to. I have found that this last month has been my hardest. I was feeling self-doubt and lacking in self love. Feeling an amount of distress that was affecting my emotional wellbeing. Now, I know that adapting to life's changes hasn't been difficult at all for some, which is totally fine but I can't say I've enjoyed the "new norm." I've been in regular contact with friends (online), working & more recently, had a walk with friends (separate occasions) and visited family. It had been three months that I'd not seen my nephews- This is tough for us all, yes. However, it got me to thinking why do I feel low, so non-resilient.
       I've been missing things. The things that give me pleasure. If I didn't think I was a person who needs human interaction or a social butterfly, I know now! People watching hasn't felt the same either haha. Work has helped; seeing colleagues. Generally it's "normal", but the added stress of staff shortage never helps haha. The buzz of a chaotic city is a distant memory.

I‘ve always had an ability to be happy and productive alone & I've evolved enough to be content in losing myself in tasks but I genuinely miss it all: restaurants, theatre, country houses, cinema, camping, shopping, pubs, dating. At least we've been able to walk around country parks, but dating, boy oh boy...that's a biggie for me. I miss men. Period.

       This may come across as 'moan & groan,' apologies, but it leads me nicely to resilience. If we define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity/trauma, it is fair to say my positive adaptation and ability to maintain MH has fallen in recent times. Resilience involves, bouncing back, remaining flexible, keeping going & staying well. 
       I may or may not be alone with the feeling of lacking in this strength right now, but if I’m not, you can at least now have knowledge that you are not alone! 

So, I looked back on my peer work training, and had a good read through my ‘first aid kit’ and resilience tools. It’s been extremely helpful at regaining insight in to my own behaviours. Those of us who suffer from MH issues will understand what’s knocks us off balance. My ‘off day signs’ had become to blur into the week, so I knew I had to pick myself up again.

My toolkit includes a combination of aspects: -
physical: sleep, exercise, breathing exercises, good diet, medication
mental: recognise triggers, seek help or access online groups, impulse control, reflection, acceptance
spiritual: lighting incense/candles, meditation, being around nature, positive quotes
emotional: be around animals, social support, clean and declutter, laughter, podcasts

This first aid kit is not exhaustive. It could include other simple acts such as, watch a new drama series, practice gratitude, cook and so forth..

I think it is fair to say that everyone is struggling in some capacity, and we need to consistently prepare ourselves. Stress can make it difficult to make even the smallest decisions about life. In order to approach new tasks and situations optimistically, developing a wellness plan helps us to develop resilience and helps you intervene quickly when you spot early warning signs. Mindfulness aids us to enjoy the present moment, task or event at a time, taking that pressure away

I really hope someone can take something from my scribing and it’s urged them to look at their own resilience. Remember what resilience also is not- We all have vulnerabilities and weakness at times. This is not failure. We can get back on that horse and ride again, once more and feel excited for life being "normal" again..

   

January Realisations.

So the dreaded January has vanished...and I for one am thrilled! I do hope 2018 was a productive one for all ? The new year is definitely in full swing and on paper, my month has been good, but in theory, I've hit some hurdles and it's affected my month. Thankfully, I'm a resilient character & have drowned thoughts out during the days {however, when you have had sinusitis for a week after not being ill in years, and feel ready for your next B12 shot, you know you need to do some cathartic writing!} 

For my own sanity/mental health and protection of a close family member, I don't wish to delve too much into the finer details, but dealing with negative events that occur within your own household are not topics you like to broadcast but lately, I am feeling particularly reflective and wish to discuss some serious matters...In the hope of reaching out to someone who perhaps deals with a Jekyll & hyde character. Or use it as you will!

No-one, especially someone close, should make you feel inadequate and doubt your own skills. For instance, empathy is very different to sympathy- 'feeling sorry' for a person or thinking about how you would feel in their situation, doesn't quite cut it. If you find that you're not getting the sufficient support you may need, I say...swim to another path, change direction. I always think of myself as family-oriented. I love all of my family; my brothers are everything, my nephews whom I adore, every single person, but you sometimes become aware of bad vibes that make you second guess yourself, why? Why should any-one make you feel discouraged or dampen your spirit

Sometimes, you realise who is true to you and who isn't. I find it really tough if said people are actually 'family'. In my opinion, the definition of the word means support, security, someone who shares your problems:: Many nurturing connotations right!?

Now surely, family (or friends) shape our personalities- we learn from one another through our lives; they boost self-confidence, speak truths, grow from mistakes, own responsibility....
       If you suddenly find the opposite happening, what do you do? Cut ties, remove the toxicity, resume routines, accept unwarranted opinions? Unfortunately, it's happened to me previously with someone, and it's a horrible feeling. Eventually, you confront it head on, you talk, argue even, agree to disagree, forgive but never forget, explain your reasoning for removal. Thankfully, it all worked out, talking and listening in a non-judgmental manner was hugely advantageous!! I just hope my latest situation sorts out just the same...

If you've followed my blog or looked back at my previous posts, you will have read that I've had a tad of a rollercoaster ride since I was 16. Now I can't stress enough that I have never made an excuse of anything in my life due to the fact of having brain surgery- but due this fact, I was changed as a person but I'm pretty proud of how far I've come. I may have hit a bad patch some time ago, but I work hard at being me & haters aren't wanted! I won't tolerate negative verbal diatribe headed towards either my mother, or me. When you have the biggest fan who happens to be your mum, anyone knows how strong that bond is.
     
       So, is any of this familiar to you !? I'd love to hear some stories or tips on how you respond...
For now, happy February ❤️

Recharging those batteries

Do you know that feeling where things seem to be going well, and then for some reason things take a bit of a dive downhill ?! This is me for a couple of weeks now on and off - and I've been putting off this post for like, a month. Terrible right? As if my lack of postage wasn't poor enough HA. If I was doing this as a full time job, I'd give it everything but I've not felt like that..not ideal.

Now, I don't like to be a fraud, and I hope that if you are a reader, you can sense my honesty so anyway, I've been reading back through my posts from this time last year & I'm sensing a pattern emerging; I could call it a rut but I shan't. It's more like that lady Universe is just testing testing.
       Nothing is awful, but my father has been poorly again, and me personally, I'm just not taking my own advice, and I do feel kind've shit about that. We should practice what we preach! It's my birthday at the end of Nov- the BIG 3.0! and I planned to write a post just before that so I need to get my act together.
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I don't know about you guys, but I always find that November has become 'pre Christmas' month. Like it may as well not exist. Well I dislike that; it's the depths of Autumn and should be embraced! Talking about Christmas, our society is so go-go-go all the time.. Always on countdown to something. Does it make you want to restart or recharge? It sure does me!! Autumn brings us an understanding of our own personal changes within the seasons that are life and that's pretty magical.

This weekend, I plan to recharge my batteries, hopefully within a day! I have a pre-birthday theatre event on Sunday, but I definitely feel the need to reflect and rejuvenate. Spiritualists say that everything we need is within us. That's probably true but you definitely need inner peace to find it. To address stagnation and manifest, you have to nurture a passion and bring it to life; especially if you're feeling somewhat unsatisfied- Self exploration helps! I find that this time of year can make many feel drenched in stress, despair or 'winter blues' but a refresh can significantly improve your mood.

Putting yourself in The Hermit position can aid introspection. In the Tarot spread, Hermit can signify loneliness, hibernation, truth seeker, guidance. Using it as a positive resource means solitude, gaining wisdom, enlightenment, fearlessness. For ex: we recharge our phones but rarely ourselves..
       So lets take some contemplative action: -

1. Unplug from tech. A day off from e-mails, media and endless scrolling means you can actually read that book that's been sitting on the shelf for months. This'll helps us feel more mindful and aware of our surroundings. Being present leads to a sense of control and empowerment.

2. Walking. Possibly the simplest and most cost-free solution to relaxation. Taking in fresh air and our surrounding completely enhances serotonin levels. Embrace quietness in the woods. Mind and body work in tandem so perhaps take on a home workout; yoga or cardio, whatever you fancy!

3. Heavy energies can induce some challenges and mood shifts; guided meditation involving water can ease and purify heaviness. Take a long soak in the bath with aromatherapy oils, soothing music, a hair/skin mask- your bathroom is your spa.

4. Give yourself a DIY mani/pedi (for the boys too!). I do this a lot. Buy yourself a new colour. Winter= berry season and treat yourself like a queen. Use some coconut oil and bathe your tired hands & feet! Pampering works wonders, and you look pretty too.

5. Feeling burnt out will essentially mean you cannot help others as you're neglecting yourself. Go within yourself and nourish your inner thoughts. Journalling for an hour can energise you into thinking about future ideas, memories or plans. A sense of order can be liberating & afterwards you can watch a movie whilst snuggled up in bed!

6. Bake or cook. I love baking. Whether it be mouthwatering cakes or pies. There's something so satisfying about cooking a new recipe, and it's very mindful. So many positives- and it'll make your house smell divine.

Now we have spent some time healing ourselves, the mysticism of the season should be enough now to replenish and balance our souls. Until next time.. <3

New Year's Day Banter!

So folks… It's New Year's Day. My love to you all! 

That snuck up quickly on us eh guys!? These last few of months have been, lets say, emotional. As I sit here with my glass of Shiraz and a good ole mince pie, I'm wondering how to word this post. I could sit here like every other human and discuss all of those gleeful resolutions that go in through one year and out the other, or I could boast about what wonderful things have happened.
       I could do that, my life is never without its positives or fun times, as is documented in previous posts, but I wish to get to the nitty gritty. I'm not a person who seeks for attention or sugar coats my life with fanciful, idealistic sentiments; that quite honestly, is not often true but the festive season craves it. I just want to lay bear the truth. Honesty is all I seek (although, I fear I sound cynical!) so here we go.
     
This NY I wish to celebrate every single person who suffers with any kind of hardship; and most importantly the big C. Cancer. I have endured my own illness and all the joys (haha..) that it brought about, but I could handle that because it was my own suffering. However, I've found it so much more overwhelming lately to see my father be so poorly and rundown due to his maintenance treatment; that has caused significant side effects {for bladder CIS cancer}. Thus, Christmas and New Year has felt, for want of a better word, difficult! It's been bloody hard to feel a) festive and b) joyous. I managed and we coped and all in all, it was lovely to be amongst family and friends. Optimism was on my side :-)

People forget so easily the many hardships that people can endure and especially at seasonal holidays. In just a blink of an eye, people can feel a sense of expectation to provide anecdotes of their achievements, right!? Well-intentioned but often heightened cheer and well-wishes, that all too often seem to disappear when January is in full swing. I'm all for celebration and love Christmas but it can prove tricky when you think of the millions of people who are suffering…just like my dad.
       This new year does however provide a chance to get rid of that; cancel toxicity, clear greed/vanity & delete comparisons. As I've noted, so many people are going through some real difficulty at present and this has really anchored deep into my soul recently. All I can offer is the opportunity forthwith to create new memories and moments. In illness for example, battle on and have strength. Have faith in you. I do. You can do it!

Lets face it, 2016 has had many issues on a personal & global scale. What with the mass of celebrity deaths and the terrors of war and terrorism, 2017 can only leave you with one feeling: Hope. Sweet friends, today marks the beginning of a brand new chapter. If you are reading this and perhaps going through some difficulties, know that all it takes is to put one step in front of the other. You see, goals are something that can be set or re-set all throughout the year. So take time in January to map out your hopes and desires. Understand why you want to achieve them and maybe share them with others so you get the accountability you need to not give up. It's an invitation to become present and mindful. That infinite potential that you see before you doesn't need to weigh heavy. Forget about everybody else and give your life a chance. Dig deep to find your determination and focus on that well-being!

So for me it's very simple. It's goodbye and good riddance to 2016. It's been a tumultuous year for our world as a whole & particularly for my family. So I wish us all health, happiness and success; but please bear this quote in mind and lets smash 2017!

Does this resonate or help?? I'd love to hear your Christmas & NY stories- good or bad! 

Take care guys. Love & light <3

Respect. Seek only respect!

Well hi Guys! And hi June! Where did that spring from soo quickly then eh ? 6 months into the year and I already feel like I need a "do-over" haha. 

So, where have I been…what have I been doing. A month & no post. I can't excuse it can I!? My apologies. I've been all over the shop. May was a good month. How was yours?
        Sun came out to greet the UK (sparingly!) but it wasn't without its up&downs. Is my life ever - she says. Haha. I'm cool with that! Being made aware I need to have my wisdom teeth out & that I'm pretty much as blind as a bat was a big annoyance (not my greatest tradeoff to have from my b.tumour!) 

Anywayyy, here's to the summer lovely ones, and my topic of said here post. My gorgeous dear friend Fénian used to say I thrive on stress. This is true, some of us are wired up in a highly strung way, but we all have a breaking point don't we. 
        In the midst and angst of my months hairodramas, theatre trips, planegeeking, meltdowns, social work wonderments and {hashtag}singlelife gloom, I thought a few things over… Now, when I have good days, I consider myself to be a somewhat smart, friendly, lively, kind and loyal human being. I know when to be confident; not arrogant, not cocky, but I can use ego when need be. I like to see myself as someone who is determined, has had setbacks and desires to inspire others. 

My mum, for instance, is the strongest woman I know. She's loving & caring but goes about life in a subtle way, not seeking praise. That to me, deserves respect and I definitely would love to be more like her. 

To get back to the point, all the negative things that you may feel, about life or self, they must be turned into a positive. Now, it's hard; I know it more than most. If you have a bad month; week; day, think about how you would like to be perceived. Do you ever feel like people have high (or low) expectations of you? I do. Feeling judgement from others can make you feel a whole lot worse. However, you can use it. Use it as an action to better yourself; for you, not them. Screw judgement!

In my opinion, the society we live in now is a disposable one, full of narcissism, instant attention and false lives. People are far too nosey about other people's lives; that I feel those mental health issues, can dwell. Don't do it!! 
To me, the main person to seek any attention from is yourself. Shower yourself with love. Use the good days to work on making yourself the best person you wish to be. If you act with integrity in life for your own benefit and self-worth, respect is earned, and any attention will be gained through your use of positivity.

Considering the tips above, I have to digress. I don't need a do-over, and nor do you guys. What we go through is for a reason. You could be pushing yourself too much that your brain needs to recoup. Ya see, we're all so hard on ourselves, especially us lot who may have anxiety issues…
        You have to understand, our brains are funny little things. If you're anything like me, you can find it difficult to not give in to the little guy on your shoulder telling you, 'Nope, today is not gonna be your day, it's a fail, face it already, go and wallow, take it out on those you love'. I dislike that person, the Lucy that people could have genuine hate for. The girl that lost her way. The girl that has to hide that little, pesky devil on the shoulder constantly. Tough to do, right ??

As I've written above, feeling worried that your best is just not enough to please other's will get you nowhere. Go through life at your own pace. The trouble is, when you may appear like you have yourself together, people are quick to judge when you fall, but as the quote says, don't think about it. It is really tough but try writing a small to-do list each day. I'm in no way saying you must 'be positive' 24/7 but write a post-it note to yourself every night…in the busy days of work, family, friends, leisure, pets, life (!) try and give yourself a positive or pro-active task or quote. Put effort into making yourself feel better. Life is too chaotic to live in the past or seek perfection in order to please others. Live in the moment, pay attention to your own happiness…

Here's someone who definitely deserves attention !!

So, maybe take heed of this: try & not spend time in bed on a sunny day, don't dwell on the things that you really cannot change. Sing out your positives and sing them to yourself. Be proud of the little (or humungous) achievements and remember, you want to be remembered for your talents, not noticed for daily attention seeking! 

Hope this helps a tad. Ps. Had a font change, I quite like it :-)

Wear your crown with pride!

Hii Guys! 

It's been a while I know. No-one's more apologetic than me… but I have good reason. Over the past couple of busy months, I've really took some time to look after myself; soul searching if you will. 

That said, it is not without its ups & downs. Such is life, for me. Today is no exception. I have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster all day. I'm blaming hormones (Yep. I'm passing the blame ha!) I'm also having a bit of a "hair-mare" so that's driving me round the bend- more on that another day!

The trouble with me, as my nearest & dearest know, the slightest thing can trigger me. I can get exceedingly angry if I'm passionate about something, you know? I'm working on that though. It's not pretty at all…. I wrote a post on my Instagram about a week ago discussing just this; so it's apt I share! 
        In the UK, we are now around a month in to Spring, which also brought the International Day of Happiness 😍🌾🌼 falling on the same day. It got me to thinking about the links of our differing seasons and how we can try and utilise them to help mental health issues but also understand how and why season changes can affect us in problematic ways. What do you think??

I certainly think that we all feel so much better when springtime arrives. Nature blooms and the time of growth, renewal and new life surfaces. I definitely aim to use the season to continue developing myself in positive ways. It's a great time for energy & exuberance and beneficial for those who suffer mental health issues; but as I noted above, we aren't superheroes and we don't always feel great but please do not feel inferior if you still suffer from low mood. It's very understandable. Take things one step at a time & seek support from whom ever you feel comfortable around. 

So, my main focus for today is about providing some tips really- let me know if they help and please do share this on! If you'd like to, you can also follow me on bloglovin'…Just click on the icon to your right :-) 

You may or may not be aware of the Facebook page: Action for Happiness. Check it out. It's quite useful for promoting a positive mindset to everyone & I came across this below image that struck a chord with me. Here's my top 5 thoughts: -

1) Inspire and motivate others: Lots of us face problems that can be very well hidden. It's a mask that can be used. So be aware that you never know what a person is facing every day. Put a smile on someone's face for no reason- make them smile or laugh, be kind or pay them a compliment. You'll find that the more you do this, you will feel better yourself.

2) Take time to be just you: In my previous post, I talked about my vow of becoming more spiritual; I stuck with this as much as possible & it's working. Even if it's an hour a day, take time to enjoy living in the moment. Try out some mindfulness, read a book, get out in nature..anything where you have time to reflect & rejuvenate. Give it a go! 

3) Drop the negativity: This is something that can be easier said than done and I need to follow my own advice. If anything or anyone is dragging you down then drop it. Let it go. Life's too short. Instead, surround yourself with what and who you love- any anger will slowly fade away.

4) Acceptance: We can all worry but it can be super intense when you may suffer from depression or anxiety. If you feel as if you've suffered setbacks or failed then please try to stop beating yourself up. We make mistakes but we learn from them. Accept that you can learn from any problem & actually use them to formulate a new direction. When you realise this & practice (1)(2)(3), your fears will be flooded by love.

5) Break the boundaries: You're here on Earth for a purpose; should you not feel that way, look harder & deeper. Sometimes we feel life's a struggle and you want to give up but stop right there; find a meaning. YOU are worthy! Try to stretch yourself and learn something new, fun and creative. This can be a challenge, I know; start small but think big. Every day you'll push yourself more & remember.. every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Know this!  

For now, I'll leave you with this cute, positive little quote; We may not always feel 100% o.k. with our day or progress, but try and wear your crown on top of your head at all times and you'll feel like a Queen/King/Boss…Leader!!

Destination Unknown!

Tuesday evening. The nights are still not showing much sign of getting lighter just yet.. so time for a serving of a catch up whilst cooking up a steak dinner! 

I don't know about anybody else but January is never one of my favourite months; it's miserable weather, long winded & you're usually quite penniless :-/ My month was definitely no different so I've been glad to see Feb! All the mundanities and responsibilities seem to hit you hard, but I always think it's best to get all of it out the way. Do you agree? 
       I tend to have vets bills to think about also around this time of year so I've been saving a stash for my two little sweethearts haha [cannot forget their needs!] 

Bobby & Tilda <3

[ More on them when I devise a next post as this is just an update; I don't wish to go off on a tangent! I have so many ideas whirling around my head, that I need to put pen to paper again. Just need to find me a fancy new journal to jot my ideas down on to- buying something else new surely helps writers' block, right!? Hehe. ]

Hm. With the above all said though, I've kept a smile on and feeling more determined than ever to continue fulfilling my dreams; even though some were trampled on, as you may well know! 
       I have a lot of birthdays to think about in Jan & Feb, but thankfully I love an excuse for a fair few beverages with the birthday boys and girls haha. Love gift shopping too- generosity is such a positive action.
I've fitted in two theatre events so far this year {Giselle; ballet & Jersey Boys; for my dad's 65th birthday} - If anyone has seen either, I'd love to hear your thoughts on both, since I'm a keen theatre goer :-)

Top & Jeans: Topshop Petite
Biker boots: Clarks 

With it being Ash Wednesday the other day, I figured I may give up a sinful behaviour for lent, such as the stress I give myself unnecessarily- hard when I can't control this much but I'm giving it a go. Now, for anyone that may have read this post: A question of faith, you'll see I class myself as agnostic & I remain so, but since my break-up a while back, I've tried very hard to become more spiritual as a person. More in tune with my being. Due to the happenings of the past year, I am now considering being confirmed; which I feel pretty content about is I feel it will aid my spiritual journey in some way…

At the beginning of the year I made a vow to myself to gain more knowledge about spirituality. So far so good. I have so much more to learn though! This jewellery is remaining quite a permanent fixture: A crescent moon enveloped by a citrine healing crystal:
it is said that citrine associated with good luck and abundance. It is a boost to your wellbeing & promotes positive energy, light and clarity thus, dispels feelings of unworthiness & bring relief to those with anxiety, destructive tendencies etc.
The lady at the wiccan retailer picked it out especially for me- she clearly sensed some vibes going on. I'm still unsure on the validity of such practices but you know what, for anyone whom is struggling in any way [or has an interest, of course], give it a go :-D

The above is a powerful photo courtesy of a series of art; 'My anxious heart' by Katie Joy Crawford. Link as follows: http://www.katiejoycrawford.com/myanxiousheart
I have only just come across it but it's a great representation of how debilitating anxiety disorders can be. Worth a look!!
       All mental health issues as a collective need to be discussed more and not dismissed, thus leaving sufferers battling an invisible illness. If I think back upon my own recent issues, for me, the best way to describe my mind is akin to "a million thoughts whizzing inside my head, colliding into each other & vying for my attention". Quite tiresome, but much more stable & much more me. 

I definitely hope that my blog has begun to carry some hope for people who may have similar issues to myself and I certainly wish to showcase it off a tad more, so by all means, share any posts if you would like! The BBC (UK) are broadcasting a documentary season currently, called #inthemind. It is in the aim to explore mental health so to challenge the stigma and heighten the conversation. The key thing to remember is that so many people forget that the mind can get sick, just as the physical body does. This needs to change. The brain is our foundation of our body/soul.

I understand that on paper, you may think there’s no hope but there’s no absolutely hopeless situation. I’m not idealistic; sometimes it might not work but sometimes showing faith in yourself and persevering does make a difference. When you have 100% faith in yourself, everything can be achievable, but you also need to realise that mistakes can happen, but that’s just letting you know you’re human. Just remember to confide in someone.

On a final note, one massive annoyance for me at the moment is how utterly single I feel ha…it was my second Valentine's Day alone. I mean, I've never been someone who's 'into' the holiday per se- but I'm sure fellow singletons will see where I'm coming from!! It has made me miss what I previously had & wonder what on earth I did to suffer such hurt; but then I remember I am be better off how I am as I am with people who love me :-)
       Thus said, I'm beginning to think I'm either extremely picky of my choice of a male (!) or I'm just destined to be on the shelf, as it were. Neither fill me with joy. I'm definitely out of luck though. Honestly, if I get one more person saying they're after a, ahem, ménage à trios shall we say, I may possibly end up serving a sentence…Ok. Perhaps I wouldn't go that far but seriously, being SO out of options is not my thing. I didn't sign up for this hahaha. I need to have a hard think about what & who I want. Big decisions ahead people, big decisions.

Until next time.. 

What Is Love?

Hi Lovely Ones! 

In this instance, I'm going to show you something I added on my Insta {right hand side} in which is something I feel very strongly about right now… 

In the aftermath of the absolutely barbaric attacks of terrorism [or lets be realistic..declaration of War] upon our World, I feel somewhat in limbo within myself. Firstly, with how utterly incomprehensible & tragic these attacks are and also how much we need to cherish love. 
        I'm surrounded by a caring family & friends and realise how much I can take it for granted. Life is short and this quote..I want this. {back/again in life ?} Soulmates are rare to find. Grab love with both hands.

The end of the year is nigh and I don't know whether it's a shift in the treacherous weather making getting out of bed a whole lot harder or a shift in my emotional state, but I'm going from philosophical-loving-gloomy-good humoured-angry in about 5 seconds flat these days. 
       Being that it is exactly ONE month until Christmas and TWO days until my 28th birthday, my stress/anxiety levels could be heightened. Or so one of my friends reckons. Thing is, when I think about the above, I think of all the horrors of the world and then think of me, and how I possibly have thrived on stress for so many years that it somehow all toppled down onto me, and then I feel guilty. Like I'm a fraud, ya know?
      Because I am loved, I'm a lucky person but yet, I still compromise the position I am in. It can be tiring to continue to beat yourself up for things that you can't control. Even more tiring when you still have to function in life as normal & almost lie about how you feel/who you are…[1] 
       Then I figured, it's rejection I fear. Rejection of that kind've soulmate intimacy; that I miss, that I want again, that I can't find yet. Despite the fact that I've now been single over a year (Blimey. That's whizzed by), I have to be honest, if the guys I've been left with are anything to go by, I realllly don't want them in my bed ha! Call me picky but I'm old enough to know what I like & where I'm heading. Yes, I have a type I suppose. Look how that worked out for me. Life, you kill me….!! 

[1] There it is, in typical Luce style, I have backtracked. A month ago I wanted to "Put up a fight" You know the saying "one step forwards, two steps back". It's almost like I am not heeding my own advice. I know exactly what triggers negativity/anxieties for me, yet I still push at it. I also am not liking some peoples' opinions towards mental health; the comments they make that make me think 'Am I being fake?' 
It's those "what ifs and defences"  that are my demon. I'm a passionate person, I over-think things because I care but sometimes I think it can get confused by intensity & can then easily form arguments which get miscommunicated which most definitely ended things for my last relationship. I realise that the fretting that I was feeling back then was probably because I felt I was losing (him). That scared me. But I also scared (him). So I'm glad I know that now. I'm a bit crazy ya know ;-)

After a recent discussion with my neuropsychologist, I definitely felt that I am going to do further research into 'alternative' support- as if I'm being perfectly honest, and as anyone is aware I'm a straightforward kinda girl- I don't gel very well with her. I just think we know ourselves the best and I know what I'm doing. Does that sound inconsiderate or make sense!?

Moving swiftly on to some less, intense chit-chat (!)..my Halloween was lovely. Seemed a pretty fitting holiday this year, considering what emotions whirl through my little head! After that, I got ill for a week or so; struck down with the lurgy- I personally blame the flu jab (taken for my low immune system). So no Fireworks this year….
I've been to the theatre a lot recently, there's nothing more magical than the theatre. Bloody love it! 
       The world knows how to struck us when we're hot eh? ;-) Ha.

Exercise has been fabulous; but half a stone takes BLOODY forever to leave!

Just Keep Going; You are Strong

  

Optimism on a dull, grey day.

Hello lovely ones!! 

I wanted to take this opportunity to offer my thanks. I have had some very lovely comments and feedback from people about my Instagram, blog and the content. It feels so good to hear that people appreciate my words and that I may have helped them in some small way, inspired or cheered them up. So thank you; and keep the comments and messages coming! Let me know how I can help out :-) Insta link: Personal Instagram

It is exactly the direction I wish to take with this here blog. I would love to branch out more in to the blogosphere, as writing really does give me some cathartic clarification [So if anyone would like to offer some tips, please do…] 

I have found 2015 to be a pretty tough year for me, which to be honest, I wasn't expecting. It's funny isn't it, how life springs negative things on us eh?! As they say, life's a bitch…
       I ended 2014 hoping to begin a new chapter in life, after my relationship [[and potential future]] ended so abruptly, and in fairness, I felt optimistic and my job provided a lot of that. However, like at many other points in my life thus far, "God" or "someone" felt that I needed another pitfall!! Ha. Give me strength. I'd begun some new medication back in November '14 and it was going great until my new GP decided to use me as his guinea pig. Eurgh. To cut a long story short, it screwed with my brain big time and somehow I think some post traumatic stress was sprung upon me. Lovely stuff!!

I'm Agnostic if anyone is wondering! See: A question of Faith 

Working through all of this has been difficult, but sort've enlightening. Keeping up those ol' facades of mine has been an effort though I can tell you that! It has hugely frustrated me recently how some folk exclaim that they never get what they want, yet from what I can see, they clearly do. Yet those of us who, dare I say, deserve some luck, get nothing. Where is Karma - show yourself!
       Now that we are in August - Hang on, August, where does the time fly to!?!, I'm gradually beginning to feel better within myself, and I'm actually more or less content with my single status. I have days where I think I should just settle for someone so I can have all those slushy, couply stuff that humans crave [HA] but there's no way I'm doing that. I'm waiting for my man..prince..soulmate. He's out there somewhere. She says :-/          

For all of you out there who suffers with personal issues, whether that be mental, physical etc, please know that speaking out is the first step to recovery. There are always going to be triggers, but there is always help. So many people are empathetic and understanding to your needs. I really hope that I myself embody that. We sometimes may feel worthless, hard work or temperamental, but please do remember that inner strength is usually within you in spades! I came across these fantastic images recently, so I'll share them….

3 Month Itch vs. 3 Month Celebration??

Hi there folks- long time no see! So I want to treat this post as a bit of an epiphany speech, yeah, lets go with that one...

Not to blow my own trumpet (but who else will?) I've never had a form of rejection and probably didn't handle that too well so I did feel lousy, sad, confused, lost, angry, betrayed, hurt….and no I'm not looking for a violin but I want people to gain some comfort or understanding that it is ok to feel these emotions after a break-up, let yourself feel them; it's perfectly normal :-) Please just see it as that and nothing more :-D 

I believe that most women would say it takes half the time you were together with some someone to truly "get over that someone"… Now, if I were to compare that to myself, I'd be waiting a jolly long time to "get over that someone"!!! To quote Carrie Bradshaw, where does the love go? Usually into the arms of another, lets not sugar-coat that! Perhaps men, particularly, spot another woman and decide they fancy that instead !?

I would never be prepared for that so I took the realistic option in order to move on to pastures new. I figured if a person meant anything to you, those feelings don't just go away or disperse. Personally, I don't understand people who move on really quickly, I've seen it happen so often; it's like being single sounds too lonely or something so chop chop, must find someone ASAP! Sure, if you're cold hearted or truly just faked/lied the love or lost it instantly, then way to go; you're free to move on to the next vict…I'm sorry, love of your life :-P 
             But not everyone feels like that and I certainly didn't. So, I thought to myself, no, I had love for the boyfriend which once was so if I want to wallow in self pity for a while I bloody well will! Might not be the best of choices but it was my way of coping. I didn't wish to move straight on to someone else but I did start dating- sadly to no avail & no-one ideal has come along [YET], it's like finding a needle in a haystack haha, but I feel like being on my own and learning to not have a man there beside me at the mo, has helped restore some identity and try some self-improvement- It has not deterred me from finding love again, sure I can be honest and say I thought I was done but it appeared that I clearly had more bad points to my personality to this person, than good, and I'm not cool with that. A guy I've been seeing actually nicely pointed out that if someone is negatively looking at the things that you do not do or have, rather than the positive- then they aren't worth your time. No-one is perfect guys, we all have faults but we should work through them with a significant other not just look at the bad times!!

Hello Short Hair!!

I have heightened emotions anyway due to having my brain surgery and due to not being given a mature explanation/apology I felt like my world was not justified; like my future was ripped away from me! Now…I was quite low for a couple of weeks, but I had to start a new job so I knew that I had to pick myself up. I'm pretty good at gaining strength from unknown places..and this is what happened: - 

• I lost a stone in weight. I lost 4lbs in 2weeks: Not the greatest advertisement (and I don't recommend it) but a broken heart spurred me to carry on. I started eating healthier food, exercising; now I just need to maintain it and tone my body up!
• Instead of wondering what I did wrong, I looked at myself and thought "Their loss" I have differences and quirks that make me, me. Facing adversity should have taught me that already :) Cheesy but be in love with yourself, don't go getting yourself depressed, withdrawn…build yourself up, buy new outfits! 
• I got new haircuts and dyed it back to my single girl dark locks. Perfecto!
• I threw myself into my job- this was tricky. It was quite draining having to put a bit of a facade on in order to do the job justice but I'm doing alright and it's a fun job 
• I accepted dates by men who previously weren't overly interested in me..pure ego boost yeah, lets be honest there. Good to know us ladies can be missed by men!
• I took time to think of my own future plans, I often see a relationship I'm in as an "us" so the "I" is now well and truly back: Studying/voluntary work, potential business ventures, personal development courses such as sign language, take a final plunge into sports that my illness stunted me from doing, much more cooking, brain tumour ambassador work…It's thrilling to have just ME to think about!
• I spent more time with friends and actively listened to their opinions and advice. I love the friends I have. Not to mention my godsend of a family :-) Be sure to let them know what you need; a film night, indulge in shopping, go out for cocktails..it will revive your spirit. Try not to dwell on painful memories; then raise your standards with new lovers & accept that your ex will move on- they're not replacing you, they probably just emotionally broke off from the relationship before it ended and fell in love with someone else (harsh but true) 
• I understood that this was obviously not the person for me, as much as I wanted them to me, they weren't good enough..they didn't love me enough…End of!

If anyone has any other advice to offer up for others or thoughts on the post, comment away :-)