Life thus far: An Overview

I HAVE SLACKED!.. on my blog. Sincere apologies. I did not realise how long it has been since my last post; that is really bad. What I find astonishing is that I remember writing the last post quite vividly, so time really is somewhat of an illusion. I know we universally say, time has flown this year, but this one certain is!! As midsummer was a couple of months ago, Autumn is not far away- We've had some heatwaves in the UK & it's quite the stir across Britain (of course) The humidity is something else though for sure. Still, it’ll be nice to have some more light evenings until the Autumn equinox comes soon. 

       I'll explain the reasons for my lack time which led to lack of writing: -

Main positive; A new relationship :-) I have been happily carving a loving partnership since January of this year. After the weirdest 2.5 years, actually coming across someone who I can see in my long-term future is a bit of a weight off my shoulders if I’m perfectly honest. I've tried to live very much in the moment with him, we went away at Easter in April. I think I had more or less given up on finding the right guy for me, but maybe there is such a thing as divine timing/ fate. I don't know. But he ticks the boxes- and there's a few to tick! My younger brother had said he thought I have high expectations, I don't feel I do. I've just gone through enough rubbish with men that I know what, who I'm looking for & what I want from life. I don't want to discuss lots of details about the b/f but for all the reasons above, it was a slow burn for me (and I already expressed this to him, too brutally honest yep) and that is not to sound horrible, I think I just had to be sure. It took a min or two for me to figure him out I think but my feelings came through pretty fast once I gave the prospect, faith LOL. In fact, I had got him wrong from the 1st date in reality. He was respectful, kind & attentive and I probably was just used to it. Ladies, think Aidan from Sex and the City, the episode where they're dating and she's upset because he wouldn't spend the night; he explains he wants to romance her. I mean, I still wonder why we never went for an evening meal in the beginning but that's a drawback I can live with, if the man I am with reminds me of Aidan! Warm, masculine, funny, won't lie or hide emotions and openly wants to settle down and start a family <3 

 

Another positive to note would be my successful promotion at work & the end of my study work. That said, it has only meant I have my main work to contend with, leaving me with a fair bit of catch-up! :/ Plus, my manager would like me to do further study for the next Level, not to mention my CPD for my Social Work registration... Did I just manage to turn a positive into a negative? Haha. Ok, well, my dad had his belated 70th birthday gift on Sunday, a flying lesson- So fun, and I'm off to Greece in September.  

Main negative; The world's narrative! Honestly, I would love to be optimistic with how life goes on around us, but I can only be realistic and things just seem worse than 2020 when we had covid kicking off (by the way, is that still a thing, I saw something about vaccines again?) The divide of society still feels too big. We are post-Covid era and society is nowhere near perfect. War, increase of cost of living (or "imposed poverty" for many as should be the correct term) food shortages, taxes, fuel, bill prices, strikes. Our broken economy of those years has obvs had massive repercussions & it has a ripple effect. It’s pretty tough for us all right now. Mass hysteria seems to lurk around the corner too. 

       The big one seems to be gender ideology. We seem to be over sexualising and informing opinions on assigning gender onto our children. It's pretty bad in the US with drag queens entering the curriculum, and 3 year olds being asked by a doctor (as their first question may I add) "Are you identifying as a boy or girl." The fear is it seeping into the UK & I'm not sure if it's my maternal instinct that kicks in or that I have twin nephews but I would be displeased if my 4 year old child was taught at school "how to be sexual, safely." I've no issue with people being conflicted by their gender and making informed actions to challenge roles but young children, I think the topic is complex so parents/ teachers should not push their thoughts on a child. If it becomes something the child talks about often, that's different & requires conversation & listening. If a boy plays with a doll for a week it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be a girl. Gender can also be fluid & be expressed differently. Please can we let kids be kids. 

       I sort've feel like we have to accommodate every person's whim, or change even factual, historical information to suit a person's needs or identity. Also, why do we still promote things that are unhealthy or false, eager to please much. Am I just being close-minded ?!

Another negative might be that (this isn't really a negative at all, you'll see) I had saved up £ to purchase a house of my own, thinking I was going to be a single, independent woman for longer than I now am. Thinking that maybe I'd have to have and raise a child on my own some how. However, b/f has his own house and in the town I wished to find a home. Me being me though, I saw an issue. Buying my own house suddenly felt obsolete. I'd hoped that once I met someone, I'd have my own mortgage. The upside is I can invest and help him or put some of my £ into another place I can rent out. See, positive really! 

       Valid negative, I've trapped my finger and thumb in a car door this year, separate occasions. Bloody ouch and sad! I have natural, long nails so they're a bugger to not let the original nail fall off whilst the new one grows- Be less Lucy ha. 

Let me know how your year has been so far, good, bad or in-between!

Life thus far: An overview

Soo I kind've feel like this will be a bit of a rant, so I figured I haven't got a theme, hence my LTS! I woke up Sunday with a low energy vibration to be honest which has continued, then I realised it's a new moon in taurus on the 11th. My little spiritual heart felt slightly more settled I guess! Taurus is about healing through a grounding process, so we're thinking earthy nature ofc. It allows us to re-fuel & fill your cup with self love. Definitely not a time to beat yourself up that’s for sure! I need to take heed of that fixed Earth, grounded energy to steer me in a good direction; especially during this Mental Health Week

      My younger brother turned 30 on Saturday; he's a Taurus. He's more pragmatic than me certainly and I can learn a lot from that nature. We had a little family get-together at his house which was needed. I baked Nutella cupcakes which I'll deffo be making again. My brother likes his board games and trivia, but Cards Against Humanity, I'm all for that one. These simple pleasures of normality shouldn't be taken for granted!

My weeks have been so busy at work and even though it's still working from home, I've had the odd visit and meeting in direct contact. That's felt normal-ish...I feel overwhelmed though. Work + academic work + a never empty house + an ailing grandmother- Makes me feel like I have limited time. I need to manage time better currently & curb that imposter feeling :/ 

I've spoken about karma before on here and even though I know that nothing is black and white, nor easy, I still wonder how those that really do seek true happiness, are not given it quickly or simply. Life doesn't reward goodness but honestly, I try, my family try, so hard but something always crops up to steer us off track! Are things sent to test us, if so, why continuously ha. I have fought a lot in my life, jumped through hoops and obstacles & although I'm young (33) I feel tired, tired of doing all the right things but not having what I truly want. I've settled for less recently- I don't want to do that anymore. I know deep down that I am worthy of what I wish to manifest, so why settle, 

I know that I do need to use the taurean energy to let go and let God. We can’t control everything can we…Have faith, keep going and let the chips fall where they may..

I'm sure many people look at life (now that we have some freedoms back) and feel that life is hunky dory, no issues. But there's an underbelly. When you go down that rabbit hole, I'm telling you, if you already feel a niggle, you'll get it trust me! (Not that I believe every theory) When the country makes out it is so progressive & liberal, that is when I want to scream. We’re not. It’s going backwards in my opinion and people are blinkered to see it. Can you honestly say that you feel you are empowered to have a different point of view to someone else; whether a person is right or wrong need not matter, we are supposed to live in a society where different perspectives are encouraged, are we not? 

It's even ridiculous things like, an ex once suggested I was 'the sensible one; straightlaced...' Considering he knew full well what my temperament is, it angered me so much. Still does. Cause when you know something is unjust, you want to set records straight. I'm realistic, logical, reasonable. 

Sensible and straightlaced? Sure, I don't act like a ten year old the majority of the time- I guess I need to let some things lie eh!! 

I guess it's those realisations that make me think, wow that person couldn't be arsed to really get to know me at all! I like social justice, liberty and the human right to an opinion. When they listened to my thoughts on the Pandemic sitch, they were surprised, so it makes you wonder what people class as radical after all doesn't it ?

      This ever happen to you?

This has been a rant eh. Ooh I'm sorry. I love a rant and moan at the best of times, but this past year, oh boy its been something else!! I mean, I wholly hope that restrictions are lifted in June, as suggested, but I have my niggling suspicions that life will not look quite the same as 2019 for example. Is this making any sense? Hm, I hope so. Anyway, if anyone at all is feeling even a smidgen bit sceptical or has some thoughts that don't quite fit in with "the norm," look up the WTAF Podcast with Richard Willett & Gareth Icke, and Pandemic Podcast with Dan Astin-Gregory- both on Youtube. You'll feel less alone as they speak sense, and look up your local Stand in the Park...although, lets hope that by June, this will all be a distant dream !

Lets talk resilience

It's been a good two months since my last post..It's been a tumultuous 2 months. Definitely a significant year in our contemporary history!

2020 certainly is the year of an (ongoing) global pandemic of not only COVID, but also of worldwide protests against racism and police violence. Now, I want to make it clear that indeed, I feel empathy towards those who've suffered a loss of friends or relatives due to the virus, and also understand the huge plight of the world taking a stand against structural racism. However, we all have thoughts, feelings and opinions that differ to other people and all emotions are valid. I want to discuss how I've been dealing with my own resilience recently, and offer some skills/tips, because I don't know about you, but I've found life tricky- Particularly in the last month. On the whole, my resilience is very good. I've been through such struggles, that I can tolerate a lot. For ex. Having spent a month in a hospital, you feel institutionalised. Adjusting to "normality" can be tough, but I've begun to have that sensation again; feeling caged in...
       Do you remember the #bekind campaign that was floating around before the virus came alone? Yeah, me neither! I've observed so much over these months that make me think how fickle humans are. The hatred that comes spewing out of people's mouths. It's mind boggling. People say everything is for "justice reasons," but honestly, it's looks like anger and fear to me. What message does this send ? I witness judgement of others, probably of myself also; who knows. What are people lacking in their lives when they have supported in developing division during this lockdown.
       Non mask wearers vs those that do; people who 'Tut' at you if you accidentally don't follow the marked arrows in supermarkets; or the multiple people who glared at me and snarkily looked at my 87 year old grandmother whom I took out for the first time in three months of her shielding indoors. [It has been difficult for my grandmother to compute all of the mass media, and she doesn't wholly understand the need for the imposed regulations etc- So imagine how bewildering places are now for her] What a dire manner to act around an elderly lady. I honestly don't know how people have the emotional energy to hold on to such strong opinions that they then deem as factual; a lot of the time, it's unsubstantiated. What's happened to alternative thinking. The human race has become too carefree and irresponsible with their actions & thoughts.

The pandemic has clearly offered an opportunity for us to use this reset to be more conscious and to think about how we can improve, as individuals and collective. For ex, I do think a huge positive has been that the lockdown has provided a lifeline for rough sleepers. Thousands have been given shelter, security & help- fantastic. Although, what happens next & also, why did it take a pandemic to sort this out? Social issues like this really highlight how the Tory Gov. have had important issues directed in their faces! We’re living in extraordinary times.

Stay with me...The above has developed in to somewhat of a prologue.

The last three months has triggered increased anxiety for many. The virus outbreak has had such heightened media attention, which has sparked feelings that some people are not accustomed to. I have found that this last month has been my hardest. I was feeling self-doubt and lacking in self love. Feeling an amount of distress that was affecting my emotional wellbeing. Now, I know that adapting to life's changes hasn't been difficult at all for some, which is totally fine but I can't say I've enjoyed the "new norm." I've been in regular contact with friends (online), working & more recently, had a walk with friends (separate occasions) and visited family. It had been three months that I'd not seen my nephews- This is tough for us all, yes. However, it got me to thinking why do I feel low, so non-resilient.
       I've been missing things. The things that give me pleasure. If I didn't think I was a person who needs human interaction or a social butterfly, I know now! People watching hasn't felt the same either haha. Work has helped; seeing colleagues. Generally it's "normal", but the added stress of staff shortage never helps haha. The buzz of a chaotic city is a distant memory.

I‘ve always had an ability to be happy and productive alone & I've evolved enough to be content in losing myself in tasks but I genuinely miss it all: restaurants, theatre, country houses, cinema, camping, shopping, pubs, dating. At least we've been able to walk around country parks, but dating, boy oh boy...that's a biggie for me. I miss men. Period.

       This may come across as 'moan & groan,' apologies, but it leads me nicely to resilience. If we define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity/trauma, it is fair to say my positive adaptation and ability to maintain MH has fallen in recent times. Resilience involves, bouncing back, remaining flexible, keeping going & staying well. 
       I may or may not be alone with the feeling of lacking in this strength right now, but if I’m not, you can at least now have knowledge that you are not alone! 

So, I looked back on my peer work training, and had a good read through my ‘first aid kit’ and resilience tools. It’s been extremely helpful at regaining insight in to my own behaviours. Those of us who suffer from MH issues will understand what’s knocks us off balance. My ‘off day signs’ had become to blur into the week, so I knew I had to pick myself up again.

My toolkit includes a combination of aspects: -
physical: sleep, exercise, breathing exercises, good diet, medication
mental: recognise triggers, seek help or access online groups, impulse control, reflection, acceptance
spiritual: lighting incense/candles, meditation, being around nature, positive quotes
emotional: be around animals, social support, clean and declutter, laughter, podcasts

This first aid kit is not exhaustive. It could include other simple acts such as, watch a new drama series, practice gratitude, cook and so forth..

I think it is fair to say that everyone is struggling in some capacity, and we need to consistently prepare ourselves. Stress can make it difficult to make even the smallest decisions about life. In order to approach new tasks and situations optimistically, developing a wellness plan helps us to develop resilience and helps you intervene quickly when you spot early warning signs. Mindfulness aids us to enjoy the present moment, task or event at a time, taking that pressure away

I really hope someone can take something from my scribing and it’s urged them to look at their own resilience. Remember what resilience also is not- We all have vulnerabilities and weakness at times. This is not failure. We can get back on that horse and ride again, once more and feel excited for life being "normal" again..

   

Pandemic Opportunities

Hey, hi, hello
Salut, ciao, shalom

My goodness. What a time it is on Earth right now, huh. So with life on a global lockdown, I thought I'd shed some light into how I'm handling things/interpreting life (or COVID-19 as we now recognise our life, as is)

The UK has entered its fourth week of lockdown & it is feeling bloody tough, and this is coming from someone who is comfortable with and enjoys their own company! I am "semi-isolating," meaning I'm working most of the week. My ward has four positive cases, so went into isolation, which meant PPE, indeed. I work with the elderly community for some of my time, so I'm aware of their vulnerability & risk. The coinciding Easter/annual leave has meant I've had nearly a week at home..and I have to admit, it has sent me almost insane. It's so very easy to get lost in worry and stress in these times of uncertainly, and that's what's been getting me into a panic- mostly about the future (not a rarity for me but I'm hyper attuned to it) and not just my future, but as a collective. This pandemic is a tragedy, in terms of both the loss of lives and collateral damage.

Lets be honest here, the position we're in is potentially risky for mental health, depending on how you approach it. Somehow, we have to stay connected to the big picture, stay centred and grounded.
So how can we thrive during the ongoing time? How can we gain and learn something, rather than dwelling on the losses- I'll be honest, I'm beginning to struggle. This has all been necessary of course, but for many, it's a big adjustment & worry, in terms of the wider economic impact. I'm empathetic towards every person on the frontline, but I'm also feeling much compassion towards the substantial uncertainty about the impact on people’s lives and livelihoods (which covers a wide range of issues)

As it has just been Easter, we have had to celebrate indoors. We've had glorious sunshine, which I took advantage of, but on the Sunday, I believe, I felt somewhat deflated. No energy to do a fat lot. Made use of the garden, but tv too*
    I did talk to friends in the evening, but productivity levels were loooww. So going back to above paragraph, I know that my anxiety is triggered big time. We have to give ourselves a lot of love. I've found going to the supermarket difficult if I'm honest; I understand the protocol, the reasoning, physical distancing my words, but I am impatient. If you know me, you know. So yeah, I've had to learn to slow things down.
What is the new paradigm here? Will we have a revived appreciation of the outdoors and life's simple pleasures? Will we realise the benefits to human connection and camaraderie...I hope so. April is calling for us to look within; shake up your routine and look at new ways of thinking. Consider what your personal roadmap looks like & what needs to change or stay exactly as is- relationship, career, dynamics etc. Are there people in your life that you could do without, platforms that no longer serve you. Perhaps there is a missed opportunity you could seek back ? Now is the time to think about what is the world ready for, what do we wish to change..collectively and individually.

Having this "time off" is definitely not a vacation. No-one takes a holiday quarantined in their house, right!? People of the more introverted personality still value time outdoors, hugely, to protect their MH. So, set an intent, a goal, objective and use time & structure to think about progress and get that to-do list done! We need to look forward as human beings. When we stay stuck in the mud, that's where depression seeps in.

Having our freedom, liberties, the outdoors and general activities taken away certainly opens your eyes to the precious time we do have. Take away the distractions..technology/social media. This time we have demands structure [I AM AIMING THIS AT MYSELF TOO] Consider a dopamine detox for a few days a week. Abstain from those enjoyable, yet addictive habits. For many of us these days, that'll be social media, tv, alcohol, overeating. Let your brain rewire and take time to concentrate on responsibilities, reading, studying, exercise. You'll find that you'll be far more motivated when you teach yourself that before you get that hit of dopamine, you need to work for it first. Associate the work with the reward and you'll be more likely to repeat the work so you know you can get the dopamine rush!

If we actively engage with reality with discipline, we can commit to pushing outside of our comfort zones occasionally. For example, complete tasks you've been putting off doing around the house or level up on personal development. It can be tricky to stick to a routine currently, so free online courses maintain a good structure at weekends perhaps, particularly if you're interested in gaining a new job or new skills to apply in your field

Finally, lets face it, we can't be "in the zone" 24/7, and our wellbeing isn't a marathon. It shifts and improves all the time. Now more than ever, we need to feel calm, so think of the little things...For me, de-cluttering/spring cleaning, meditation/soothing ASMR, light lavender incense, have an "in house salon" [bath, nails, shave, blowdry hair]

Woah, I apologise if this got a bit heavy. I just want my readers to have the knowledge that there is definitely more than Netflix to do during this really confusing, sad, odd time. Not that I'm saying it's bad; we all binge watch as it's often needed, but it will drain you like an energy vampire- we don't need added toxicity! *as noted
This said, I don't have Netflix so I don't get to see Tiger King. Spare a thought for me, ha. Re-runs of True Blood is my chosen vice ;-)

I hope Easter has been a joyous one, even with the difficulties we are all faced with. Remember, when we get back to some normality, we must seek to continue some kind've path to enlightenment to connection and becoming present. Really present.

My 2020 New Year musings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy 2020. I hope that you've enjoyed the festivities and that the new year gives you everything you desire. I cannot believe another decade has zoomed by. I feel good about the '20s I think. She says. I felt bloated & sluggish on NYD so I exercised and went for a winter walk. Then it was back to work, reality. I have shed loads of things to attain and achieve and this did give me some panic- but with some great pep talks from my family and friends over the Christmas period, I am determined to get what I desire.

I wanted to get rid of a horrid situation (so many things about it angered me, that I thought I'd share it with you!) But nahh, I'm not going to air too much dirty laundry; this is not Dear Diary haha. It's unfair so I'll remove most of the narrative but the gist is >>
      So, if you look back on my previous post, I had been dating someone for a while: Decent, interesting person I thought; a few red flags I chose to ignore because I felt an emotional connection that seemed compelling. Meh. Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that someone is cheating- But apparently guys, he wasn't, because we'd ended [I, however wasn't aware of the fact.] Not to worry though, as no hurt was intended (!) Yada yada. Whilst they were going through some struggles, whilst I was constantly trying to check up on how he was...I got told "I need space" They saw fit to give someone else the opportunity to support & care for them. Wow, huh.
      You know when you look back and know exactly where you went wrong yourself, apologised & would have happily talked it over, but cannot fathom why the other person could never understand your point of view? That is disappointing stuff right there! head over to my Insta to see a more insightful post. With this said, my door is always kindly open to unfinished business. 

The aggravating thing is that I think when you put two opposite people together, there are many differences to work through of course, but in my opinion, the intimacy is off the scale.. And maybe, I value that a whole lot more than other people.
Destruction follows, chaos follows. We all make mistakes; no-one's perfect, but I know that whatever move I make, I take accountability of it. Own up. I do at least like people to understand my logic! You have to accept that the energies are for your highest good. Toxic energy leaves for a reason- and I'm not talking about just relationships.

Thing is, when these things happen, I instantly think, oh it's my fault. What's wrong with me, I'm the denominator. What has someone else got that I haven't. My thoughts become obsessive and negative. NO LUCY NO
This was not good. Horrendous whilst I was keeping up appearances at work etc. Then my birthday came in Nov and I thought, screw it, if someone who I cared about could go behind my back like that, I deserve a respectful man; not someone who made me doubt myself. Someone who appreciates you, wants to understand you and your idiocracies. We need solid don't we, no silly games. 2020 is a time you gain that, even if that means being your own soulmate.

The power is our own. Our choices are our own. I put lots of things in motion last year yet it still didn't feel right. I need to trust my own choices and instincts more, but also take risks this year. I know that I can easily hold back on things that I particularly want but it equally scares me. So I sabotage it - or do I? I certainly don't deserve to be discarded. I have an appreciation of people with mental health issues. I work in MH. I always wish to support, but I won't tolerate anyone adding to my own stresses unless they take responsibility for their own actions. You reap what you sow. Hi Karma!

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Soo I'm taking inspiration from a previous post of mine: Boss babe Spiritually, 2020 will be a big, powerful year of change and reward. I'm hoping for physical manifestation. If you see the number 4 flying around, take that as a very positive sign from the Universe :-) 4 is power, foundation, elemental. I want to take heed of my above post and embrace self care & wellness. Consider healthy new habits and routines to get into better shape: reading more often, go for long walks, take up that hobby that should have happened in 2019...

So what will be on your Self Care List? Maybe try writing a small goal could be set for relationships, career, interests, physical/mental health, personal growth. Whatcha reckon, fancy joining me on a quest to let go of habits that hold you back, cope with stressful situations with more ease, plan fun things to do in advance, find a beautiful love, heal from grief ?? 

 

Recharging those batteries

Do you know that feeling where things seem to be going well, and then for some reason things take a bit of a dive downhill ?! This is me for a couple of weeks now on and off - and I've been putting off this post for like, a month. Terrible right? As if my lack of postage wasn't poor enough HA. If I was doing this as a full time job, I'd give it everything but I've not felt like that..not ideal.

Now, I don't like to be a fraud, and I hope that if you are a reader, you can sense my honesty so anyway, I've been reading back through my posts from this time last year & I'm sensing a pattern emerging; I could call it a rut but I shan't. It's more like that lady Universe is just testing testing.
       Nothing is awful, but my father has been poorly again, and me personally, I'm just not taking my own advice, and I do feel kind've shit about that. We should practice what we preach! It's my birthday at the end of Nov- the BIG 3.0! and I planned to write a post just before that so I need to get my act together.
​
I don't know about you guys, but I always find that November has become 'pre Christmas' month. Like it may as well not exist. Well I dislike that; it's the depths of Autumn and should be embraced! Talking about Christmas, our society is so go-go-go all the time.. Always on countdown to something. Does it make you want to restart or recharge? It sure does me!! Autumn brings us an understanding of our own personal changes within the seasons that are life and that's pretty magical.

This weekend, I plan to recharge my batteries, hopefully within a day! I have a pre-birthday theatre event on Sunday, but I definitely feel the need to reflect and rejuvenate. Spiritualists say that everything we need is within us. That's probably true but you definitely need inner peace to find it. To address stagnation and manifest, you have to nurture a passion and bring it to life; especially if you're feeling somewhat unsatisfied- Self exploration helps! I find that this time of year can make many feel drenched in stress, despair or 'winter blues' but a refresh can significantly improve your mood.

Putting yourself in The Hermit position can aid introspection. In the Tarot spread, Hermit can signify loneliness, hibernation, truth seeker, guidance. Using it as a positive resource means solitude, gaining wisdom, enlightenment, fearlessness. For ex: we recharge our phones but rarely ourselves..
       So lets take some contemplative action: -

1. Unplug from tech. A day off from e-mails, media and endless scrolling means you can actually read that book that's been sitting on the shelf for months. This'll helps us feel more mindful and aware of our surroundings. Being present leads to a sense of control and empowerment.

2. Walking. Possibly the simplest and most cost-free solution to relaxation. Taking in fresh air and our surrounding completely enhances serotonin levels. Embrace quietness in the woods. Mind and body work in tandem so perhaps take on a home workout; yoga or cardio, whatever you fancy!

3. Heavy energies can induce some challenges and mood shifts; guided meditation involving water can ease and purify heaviness. Take a long soak in the bath with aromatherapy oils, soothing music, a hair/skin mask- your bathroom is your spa.

4. Give yourself a DIY mani/pedi (for the boys too!). I do this a lot. Buy yourself a new colour. Winter= berry season and treat yourself like a queen. Use some coconut oil and bathe your tired hands & feet! Pampering works wonders, and you look pretty too.

5. Feeling burnt out will essentially mean you cannot help others as you're neglecting yourself. Go within yourself and nourish your inner thoughts. Journalling for an hour can energise you into thinking about future ideas, memories or plans. A sense of order can be liberating & afterwards you can watch a movie whilst snuggled up in bed!

6. Bake or cook. I love baking. Whether it be mouthwatering cakes or pies. There's something so satisfying about cooking a new recipe, and it's very mindful. So many positives- and it'll make your house smell divine.

Now we have spent some time healing ourselves, the mysticism of the season should be enough now to replenish and balance our souls. Until next time.. <3

Life Thus Far: an overview

Oh my oh my, sweet friends. I am SO delayed!! If there was an award for procrastination that would definitely go to me; the master {not that I condone procrastinating!}… I have also realised that I haven't posted a LTF series in an exceedingly long time so, without further ado…

The weather here in Britain has been particularly unpredictable which is kind've wreaking havoc with my moods (and head; my shunt reacts to weather!), so I've not felt I've had the chance to really sit and write up about what's been going on lately, so I'm sitting here with my incense on whilst my cat pesters me for attention; it's as best a time as any eh!! 
       Do you ever sense a surge of overwhelment coming your way, like me?? I tell you, I was all guns blazing in January; I really wanted to kick start 2017 with a bang and "let that sh*t go" but by February, things starting going haywire again. Not in a bad way but things starting going wrong. I don't know if it's the fact that I've become a tad more in tune with spirituality or if it's just life being a bitch, ha….Anyway, today I'm focused on the affirmation found in Katie Piper's book Start Your Day With Katie: 365 Affirmations for a Year of Positive Thinking which I've used religiously: - 

'Seek harmony in your soul and kindness in the people close to you; happiness found in material things will not bring you lasting joy.'

I think that is such a comforting statement! When I think of this, what I consider is that I've definitely spent the last few months clearing out what doesn't serve me. I mean, as you may have read, my persona can flip a lot and as much as I can feel overwhelming, there's also so much oomph within me. My father, as I noted in my last post, had been poorly on&off since November; he's been feeling better for a couple of months so that's lifted some heavy clouds that were lingering!!

With a tendency to over-think and rethink, I decided to take advantage of the Spring Equinox & re-align and balance those scales, so to speak…it can be easy for some of us to jump from decision to decision and feel like you're 'all over the place', but that's where Spring can help to ease us into a sense of harmony, renewal & reassess some priorities. 
        So I took the opportunity to look for some volunteer work, on the side. I started some training in Feb/March at a homeless emergency nightshelter so yep, loving my shifts there. I've done plenty of volunteering in my time but working with the homeless is something I've wanted to pursue for a long time! I still feel like my journey is ongoing; my dreams are still there to attain but I'm always off on a tangent! However, you have to trust that the universe will offer you great changes in divine timing :)

The purpose you aspire to is always there so I continue going forward, and if it helps anyone, my advice is to get out in nature if you need help in cleansing and expanding your soul. Nature is breathtaking with its untouched beauty and there really is something so purifying about being around it (even if you bring it indoors- note my precious cactus above). A New Moon is coming up this Wednesday that's heading into the sign of Taurus so that calls for bullish energy that'll keep us grounded and fuel newfound wisdom, so take hold of reliable and earthly feels!

Stowe, National Trust, Buckingham

I adore this capture I snapped; it's as if the heavens are breaking through with our angels. Enchanted. So, lovely folks, I'll leave you with that. I intend to carry on keeping my dreams in sight, continue learning & doing new things and steer clear of negative emotional entanglements - has the year started off how you intended? Or perhaps your desires or intentions have changed? Let me know, I'd love to hear and trade stories…

…and ps. our moon cycles can offer us so much subconscious information, so listen to your intuition always, and if you're a deep thinker who follows the watery fluidity of your many thoughts, just think, you're probably a mermaid ;-) Take care guys!

A "28 & a half shock to the system" sort of day.

   Hi there Guys!

Blogging. My blog.. Something I've clearly forgotten existed. Wellll, you know me, life gets in the way and my writer's block takes over…To be honest, I will not engulf you with my self pity and actually give the blogosphere/my readers some actual continual material, yes!?

      Back in June, I received an e-mail from one of my fave restaurants; TGI Fridays. They gave me a voucher as it's halfway through the year until my birthday. Anyway, I've now given it some thought..Halfway you see, until I'm 29. Celebrating 29 years of age..Gulp! I nearly chocked on my coffee.

This year is going by so fast, and if you've read my blog, you'll see what a roller coaster of a life I'm living. In recent months, nothing is new there. In fact, I've gone through so many differing emotions and ups and downs- broken record, right? Thus said, this summer has been different for me. I've been a little bit more seclusive I suppose. Elusive & selective to whom I choose to spent time with.
      These past two years have been weird and so very unexpected! But when you sit back and breathe in the world, you see that life is very odd. Weather is crazy, people are strange and media (social&beyond) is downright soul-destroying. It makes you understand more how the select group of us who do not follow the crowd or "be a certain way to please others" or flaunt yourself in a Dorian-Gray-style (as I now refer to it!), are susceptible to suffer from, emotional issues, for instance.

I am a type A human. Yep, I over-analyse, over-think, I write lists [tons of lists], I think about long-term plans, I'm impatient; so sometimes, living in the present and concentrating on something you really enjoy- such as writing, can be difficult to master, ya know? I'm someone who can see the value of work and sacrifice, and the need to look a few steps ahead, but we cannot always control it can we? It's something that anxiety sufferers can probably relate to. I dislike feeling like my life isn't sailing along tickety boo, ever since my illness. So, over these past few months, I've been determined to remain in the present more and more.

A new motto perhaps lovely ones….

Simple but effective. Life is a tricky little lady but here's what I'm taking from this.. Be a shepherd in life. Assert yourself powerfully in order to achieve your goals. There's nothing wrong with exuding your self-worth, but do it in a humble way to help others, not to please or to feel validated [we need no song and dance] Do it all on the quiet and it'll be the positivity that shines!

So, what I've been looking at doing, since I had my mini heart attack at the realisation of my 20s coming to an ever nearer close, is defining some achievable goals that I can use a benchmark. They are the destination yes, but focusing on the journey is far more important. Worrying about future goals are one of the main issues for those with mental health issues, I feel. So try & rewire your brain to see goals as interesting challenges that are in reach: realistic. I'm all over that realism!

1) Pursing more knowledge & development within social work career. I like knowing what path I'm on and having all my chickens in the basket, but right now, living in the moment and seeking adventure is much less pressure for me..so having fun goals is very important. However, knowing that where I'd like to be career-wise is essential but I won't be conforming to deadlines; my past self is gone and I still aim to improve!

2) Upping the fitness regime. Working out makes you look good and feel good ^^ I want to eventually have an overhaul on my working out, improving my overall health and well being with physical fitness,  which in turn, maintains my pretty unnoticeable left-sided weakness & coordination probs. All of this makes you walk around with an abundance of kindness.

3) Owning my own home. I don't want to set myself up to fail, so I'm giving no timeframe. The ebb & flow of life will get me to where I wish to be. Destiny, people, destiny. The main thing to bear in mind is that whether or not you achieve your dreams, “It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it”. Focus on your growth.

4) Adopt another pet. I'm a huge animal lover and if anything, they de-stress me. My overall personality is of warmth but due that pesky type A and my own internal pressures, I can lash out and obviously, I'd prefer not to!

5) FUN goals. As mentioned above, adventure is important, so there a fair few here that I'd love to accomplish..One step at a time remember. They are as follows, take some horse riding & flying lessons, join dance and fitness classes, and learn to play an instrument. These are all basically life long wishes for me but they also involve ££ which takes me to numero uno! All goals flow nicely! 

Bring on the 30s I say haha.

These are termed as SMART goals: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-based. Meaning, they can be broken down so you don't tackle too much, too soon. 

What accomplishments do you wish you have??

Take care guys. Love & Light :-)

PS: Any quotes/images that I provide are from Google images or good ole' Facebook. Any other photos are brought to you by myself. Thought I'd just let that be known so to not aid confusion! 

Wear your crown with pride!

Hii Guys! 

It's been a while I know. No-one's more apologetic than me… but I have good reason. Over the past couple of busy months, I've really took some time to look after myself; soul searching if you will. 

That said, it is not without its ups & downs. Such is life, for me. Today is no exception. I have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster all day. I'm blaming hormones (Yep. I'm passing the blame ha!) I'm also having a bit of a "hair-mare" so that's driving me round the bend- more on that another day!

The trouble with me, as my nearest & dearest know, the slightest thing can trigger me. I can get exceedingly angry if I'm passionate about something, you know? I'm working on that though. It's not pretty at all…. I wrote a post on my Instagram about a week ago discussing just this; so it's apt I share! 
        In the UK, we are now around a month in to Spring, which also brought the International Day of Happiness 😍🌾🌼 falling on the same day. It got me to thinking about the links of our differing seasons and how we can try and utilise them to help mental health issues but also understand how and why season changes can affect us in problematic ways. What do you think??

I certainly think that we all feel so much better when springtime arrives. Nature blooms and the time of growth, renewal and new life surfaces. I definitely aim to use the season to continue developing myself in positive ways. It's a great time for energy & exuberance and beneficial for those who suffer mental health issues; but as I noted above, we aren't superheroes and we don't always feel great but please do not feel inferior if you still suffer from low mood. It's very understandable. Take things one step at a time & seek support from whom ever you feel comfortable around. 

So, my main focus for today is about providing some tips really- let me know if they help and please do share this on! If you'd like to, you can also follow me on bloglovin'…Just click on the icon to your right :-) 

You may or may not be aware of the Facebook page: Action for Happiness. Check it out. It's quite useful for promoting a positive mindset to everyone & I came across this below image that struck a chord with me. Here's my top 5 thoughts: -

1) Inspire and motivate others: Lots of us face problems that can be very well hidden. It's a mask that can be used. So be aware that you never know what a person is facing every day. Put a smile on someone's face for no reason- make them smile or laugh, be kind or pay them a compliment. You'll find that the more you do this, you will feel better yourself.

2) Take time to be just you: In my previous post, I talked about my vow of becoming more spiritual; I stuck with this as much as possible & it's working. Even if it's an hour a day, take time to enjoy living in the moment. Try out some mindfulness, read a book, get out in nature..anything where you have time to reflect & rejuvenate. Give it a go! 

3) Drop the negativity: This is something that can be easier said than done and I need to follow my own advice. If anything or anyone is dragging you down then drop it. Let it go. Life's too short. Instead, surround yourself with what and who you love- any anger will slowly fade away.

4) Acceptance: We can all worry but it can be super intense when you may suffer from depression or anxiety. If you feel as if you've suffered setbacks or failed then please try to stop beating yourself up. We make mistakes but we learn from them. Accept that you can learn from any problem & actually use them to formulate a new direction. When you realise this & practice (1)(2)(3), your fears will be flooded by love.

5) Break the boundaries: You're here on Earth for a purpose; should you not feel that way, look harder & deeper. Sometimes we feel life's a struggle and you want to give up but stop right there; find a meaning. YOU are worthy! Try to stretch yourself and learn something new, fun and creative. This can be a challenge, I know; start small but think big. Every day you'll push yourself more & remember.. every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Know this!  

For now, I'll leave you with this cute, positive little quote; We may not always feel 100% o.k. with our day or progress, but try and wear your crown on top of your head at all times and you'll feel like a Queen/King/Boss…Leader!!

Destination Unknown!

Tuesday evening. The nights are still not showing much sign of getting lighter just yet.. so time for a serving of a catch up whilst cooking up a steak dinner! 

I don't know about anybody else but January is never one of my favourite months; it's miserable weather, long winded & you're usually quite penniless :-/ My month was definitely no different so I've been glad to see Feb! All the mundanities and responsibilities seem to hit you hard, but I always think it's best to get all of it out the way. Do you agree? 
       I tend to have vets bills to think about also around this time of year so I've been saving a stash for my two little sweethearts haha [cannot forget their needs!] 

Bobby & Tilda <3

[ More on them when I devise a next post as this is just an update; I don't wish to go off on a tangent! I have so many ideas whirling around my head, that I need to put pen to paper again. Just need to find me a fancy new journal to jot my ideas down on to- buying something else new surely helps writers' block, right!? Hehe. ]

Hm. With the above all said though, I've kept a smile on and feeling more determined than ever to continue fulfilling my dreams; even though some were trampled on, as you may well know! 
       I have a lot of birthdays to think about in Jan & Feb, but thankfully I love an excuse for a fair few beverages with the birthday boys and girls haha. Love gift shopping too- generosity is such a positive action.
I've fitted in two theatre events so far this year {Giselle; ballet & Jersey Boys; for my dad's 65th birthday} - If anyone has seen either, I'd love to hear your thoughts on both, since I'm a keen theatre goer :-)

Top & Jeans: Topshop Petite
Biker boots: Clarks 

With it being Ash Wednesday the other day, I figured I may give up a sinful behaviour for lent, such as the stress I give myself unnecessarily- hard when I can't control this much but I'm giving it a go. Now, for anyone that may have read this post: A question of faith, you'll see I class myself as agnostic & I remain so, but since my break-up a while back, I've tried very hard to become more spiritual as a person. More in tune with my being. Due to the happenings of the past year, I am now considering being confirmed; which I feel pretty content about is I feel it will aid my spiritual journey in some way…

At the beginning of the year I made a vow to myself to gain more knowledge about spirituality. So far so good. I have so much more to learn though! This jewellery is remaining quite a permanent fixture: A crescent moon enveloped by a citrine healing crystal:
it is said that citrine associated with good luck and abundance. It is a boost to your wellbeing & promotes positive energy, light and clarity thus, dispels feelings of unworthiness & bring relief to those with anxiety, destructive tendencies etc.
The lady at the wiccan retailer picked it out especially for me- she clearly sensed some vibes going on. I'm still unsure on the validity of such practices but you know what, for anyone whom is struggling in any way [or has an interest, of course], give it a go :-D

The above is a powerful photo courtesy of a series of art; 'My anxious heart' by Katie Joy Crawford. Link as follows: http://www.katiejoycrawford.com/myanxiousheart
I have only just come across it but it's a great representation of how debilitating anxiety disorders can be. Worth a look!!
       All mental health issues as a collective need to be discussed more and not dismissed, thus leaving sufferers battling an invisible illness. If I think back upon my own recent issues, for me, the best way to describe my mind is akin to "a million thoughts whizzing inside my head, colliding into each other & vying for my attention". Quite tiresome, but much more stable & much more me. 

I definitely hope that my blog has begun to carry some hope for people who may have similar issues to myself and I certainly wish to showcase it off a tad more, so by all means, share any posts if you would like! The BBC (UK) are broadcasting a documentary season currently, called #inthemind. It is in the aim to explore mental health so to challenge the stigma and heighten the conversation. The key thing to remember is that so many people forget that the mind can get sick, just as the physical body does. This needs to change. The brain is our foundation of our body/soul.

I understand that on paper, you may think there’s no hope but there’s no absolutely hopeless situation. I’m not idealistic; sometimes it might not work but sometimes showing faith in yourself and persevering does make a difference. When you have 100% faith in yourself, everything can be achievable, but you also need to realise that mistakes can happen, but that’s just letting you know you’re human. Just remember to confide in someone.

On a final note, one massive annoyance for me at the moment is how utterly single I feel ha…it was my second Valentine's Day alone. I mean, I've never been someone who's 'into' the holiday per se- but I'm sure fellow singletons will see where I'm coming from!! It has made me miss what I previously had & wonder what on earth I did to suffer such hurt; but then I remember I am be better off how I am as I am with people who love me :-)
       Thus said, I'm beginning to think I'm either extremely picky of my choice of a male (!) or I'm just destined to be on the shelf, as it were. Neither fill me with joy. I'm definitely out of luck though. Honestly, if I get one more person saying they're after a, ahem, ménage à trios shall we say, I may possibly end up serving a sentence…Ok. Perhaps I wouldn't go that far but seriously, being SO out of options is not my thing. I didn't sign up for this hahaha. I need to have a hard think about what & who I want. Big decisions ahead people, big decisions.

Until next time..