A Springtime update

Hey All- It appears that I've neglected my little space in the blogosphere, yet again :( That's on me. Life has been very busy and I've been meaning to reconnect but it's finding time and momentum. Within the chaos, there's likely been some writer's block.

28/04: I began writing this on a day where I'd banked overtime hours at work and taking the day off.. Finally! I could discuss every event of the past eight months, but I can shelve that for now. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet; she says. I want it to give me some impetuous to get writing some more beefy contents (again, she says..Life forever gets in my way!) I need to remedy the writers block by writing a little journal update for now :-)

I attended a wedding during the Easter weekend; my partner's sister. The weather was brilliant, the sun was shining (which made a change from the wind & rain we'd had) The day went really well. Nick (boyf) and I had a week off work last week and sadly, the sun shone twice. Wonderful. Those signs of spring really do make me feel so happy. The older I've gotten, I do feel like I suffer from S.A.D.. Anyone else? Everything improves for me when sunshine is around; my health certainly improves; Vit D helps my skin, my mental health, energy levels, optimism, lowers irritability. The UK doesn't see enough sunshine in my opinion (I'm sure some would disagree..) Beltane and May Day is approaching and going by past posts, it's a time of year I love Retrograde release & Spring is springing! May is on its way and the Taurus energy always brings good things I feel, weather warms up, flowers bloom, the desire to connect with nature beckons! 

      With the year just flying by, the beginning of spring is a nice way to wind down & think about what's important to you and what matters. Of course, going to a wedding is a nice event but it can make you consider your own internal goal posts. I'm 35. We all have hopes & dreams through life. That said, things change. Over the last few years, I've done lots of soul searching and opened my eyes to lots of things. Marriage is a lovely thing sure, but now I'm older, it doesn't take away from a partnership and love, without the ring and paper. 09/05: We bumped into some folks that Nick knew at the weekend who asked if we were engaged (HAHA! Boyf must've panicked) Why do people feel they should ask that? I don't mind though, people are curious beings. Of course it's been spoken of. But it's not high on the agenda. Other things are. Things that are just as stressful & emotionally/ mentally draining- I hope to discuss this one day in much more depth, but for now, it's a personal experience.

Luckily, I have a partner that is on the same page as me (He says so anyhow...!) We have some more renovation work in the home; We sorted a new driveway out in February- Can't believe it was that long ago. There's lots more we need to work on, but it's expense and time. We'll get there I'm sure, if we stay focused.

I had a nightmare few months with my car, since December of last year. At the fault of others obviously. It was absolute chaos and made Christmas a difficult time for me, emotionally to be honest. Not to mention, financially. Nick surprised me with a trip to Disneyland Paris for November- I'm so thankful for that. That'll be our holiday I think. A few days away. I'm very excited. I feel it's really important to have things to look forward to in life, no matter how small. Look up happiful.com for interesting tips and articles for a happy life.

09/05: It is now post-Coronation too. Less I say about that the better. I cannot believe people would cheer such grotesque wealth when we have the cost of living crisis. It honestly baffles me. I may likely discuss this in more detail due to the social injustice and inequality of it all. 

      On that note, I'll say adieu but if there's any topics you'd like me to talk about, by all means, get in touch with me :-)

2020+1 Self-care

Hello, fellow humans! Happy new 2020+1 haha. (Yes, cause basically I think 2020 was a sneak preview..) What do you guys think ? Should I be more optimistic or am I on the money?! I'm a realist, what can I say...

Really though, Happy NY! I honestly hope that 2021 brings with it happiness, success and good health. I think it's needed, huh. On a global scale. We've had chaos, disaster, restrictions & I have no doubt that many of us feel stressed, confused or in need of a pick me up. For those who have suffered loss, I understand the tragedy of this, and I hope time helps to heal somewhat. 

       Perhaps you enjoyed the compact Christmas or was the lack of festive cheer something you missed. Lets face it, it's felt different for sure. Personally, it's been the 'build up' that I missed, no Christmas markets or carol singing with mulled wine at one of my favourite pubs. I've never been OTT with spending and so on, so that was normal (although, high streets are failing currently. V. sad) Tree and house decorated; again, normal traditions. London usually has their annual fireworks display but alas, it was cancelled. For any reader of mine, NYE is nothing too fancy for me: See New years day banter I do however like New Year's Day- which is what I will focus on here for you!

So now the gloom is out the way. Ha. (sorry, my water energy likes to kick in!) You may already be jumping to conclusions, myself included but lets put aside uncertainty and look back at what has gone right for you- What achievements have had, no matter how large or small? 

Before you let this new year fog up your vision, give your emotional state some extra care & attention. January has always been a tad blue-sy, with its dark mornings etc, so lets see if we can celebrate with gusto eh! 2021 is all about Aquarian energy..Divination, authenticity, creation, philanthropy. All we need to focus on this year is being great versions of ourselves; do that self-care so to strengthen wellbeing, relationships/work. I'm talking: -

Trust intuition, your gut- sometimes it knows best

See beyond the narratives, push through the circus of life! 

Embrace fresh air& the beauty of natures- it revitalises energy

Prioritise self and set boundaries with those around. Ex. If you want to read a chapter of a book on a Sunday morning, make it your target! & perhaps stay offline then too..

For instance, my brother and I both got new jobs last year. Mine has been particularly difficult as due to the nature of lockdowns etc, a lot of colleagues were/are working from home, leaving me feeling like a lost lamb quite often! But I've persevered, seen it as a challenge and opportunity to train, learn on my own and think hard about what I want for this year, aside from continue with this new role: -

• Aim to purchase a house or apartment
• Continue to decrease eating meat- and dairy, as neither help my gut tolerance. Love me some cheese though.
• Never settle for a man that I don't feel is worth my energy, no matter how potent the addiction!
• Travel as much as I can (time, money permitting)
• Be around like-minded people as much as poss.

These are not resolutions and I hope to expand on these but this past year has taught me that I need to find people I truly vibe with. This year I zoned in on intuition and what my core morals are, what I wish to fight for in life & who with- It's been thoroughly interesting.

What is your soul now desiring, maybe it is now different to what you originally thought? Hold those dreams close and aim to get them- Don't let a pandemic get in your way, please! 

I wanted this to be short and sweet. I’m spending the day spring cleaning so here above are my NY cupcakes. Until next time, I honestly wish a calm, courageous and fun year to you all :-) 

My 2020 New Year musings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy 2020. I hope that you've enjoyed the festivities and that the new year gives you everything you desire. I cannot believe another decade has zoomed by. I feel good about the '20s I think. She says. I felt bloated & sluggish on NYD so I exercised and went for a winter walk. Then it was back to work, reality. I have shed loads of things to attain and achieve and this did give me some panic- but with some great pep talks from my family and friends over the Christmas period, I am determined to get what I desire.

I wanted to get rid of a horrid situation (so many things about it angered me, that I thought I'd share it with you!) But nahh, I'm not going to air too much dirty laundry; this is not Dear Diary haha. It's unfair so I'll remove most of the narrative but the gist is >>
      So, if you look back on my previous post, I had been dating someone for a while: Decent, interesting person I thought; a few red flags I chose to ignore because I felt an emotional connection that seemed compelling. Meh. Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that someone is cheating- But apparently guys, he wasn't, because we'd ended [I, however wasn't aware of the fact.] Not to worry though, as no hurt was intended (!) Yada yada. Whilst they were going through some struggles, whilst I was constantly trying to check up on how he was...I got told "I need space" They saw fit to give someone else the opportunity to support & care for them. Wow, huh.
      You know when you look back and know exactly where you went wrong yourself, apologised & would have happily talked it over, but cannot fathom why the other person could never understand your point of view? That is disappointing stuff right there! head over to my Insta to see a more insightful post. With this said, my door is always kindly open to unfinished business. 

The aggravating thing is that I think when you put two opposite people together, there are many differences to work through of course, but in my opinion, the intimacy is off the scale.. And maybe, I value that a whole lot more than other people.
Destruction follows, chaos follows. We all make mistakes; no-one's perfect, but I know that whatever move I make, I take accountability of it. Own up. I do at least like people to understand my logic! You have to accept that the energies are for your highest good. Toxic energy leaves for a reason- and I'm not talking about just relationships.

Thing is, when these things happen, I instantly think, oh it's my fault. What's wrong with me, I'm the denominator. What has someone else got that I haven't. My thoughts become obsessive and negative. NO LUCY NO
This was not good. Horrendous whilst I was keeping up appearances at work etc. Then my birthday came in Nov and I thought, screw it, if someone who I cared about could go behind my back like that, I deserve a respectful man; not someone who made me doubt myself. Someone who appreciates you, wants to understand you and your idiocracies. We need solid don't we, no silly games. 2020 is a time you gain that, even if that means being your own soulmate.

The power is our own. Our choices are our own. I put lots of things in motion last year yet it still didn't feel right. I need to trust my own choices and instincts more, but also take risks this year. I know that I can easily hold back on things that I particularly want but it equally scares me. So I sabotage it - or do I? I certainly don't deserve to be discarded. I have an appreciation of people with mental health issues. I work in MH. I always wish to support, but I won't tolerate anyone adding to my own stresses unless they take responsibility for their own actions. You reap what you sow. Hi Karma!

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Soo I'm taking inspiration from a previous post of mine: Boss babe Spiritually, 2020 will be a big, powerful year of change and reward. I'm hoping for physical manifestation. If you see the number 4 flying around, take that as a very positive sign from the Universe :-) 4 is power, foundation, elemental. I want to take heed of my above post and embrace self care & wellness. Consider healthy new habits and routines to get into better shape: reading more often, go for long walks, take up that hobby that should have happened in 2019...

So what will be on your Self Care List? Maybe try writing a small goal could be set for relationships, career, interests, physical/mental health, personal growth. Whatcha reckon, fancy joining me on a quest to let go of habits that hold you back, cope with stressful situations with more ease, plan fun things to do in advance, find a beautiful love, heal from grief ?? 

 

Let's just boss babe this year!

Hi everyone! And hi 2018...I feel kind of freaked out at how quickly the years are flying by if I'm honest. Are you ?

It has also got me to thinking/re-evaluating what is best for me in the route I'm taking in life. Every January I get rather nostalgic and whimsical thinking about goals and past achievements. (I spent last week feeling rotten with a cold so this week can count as my new beginning!)
       This said, this isn't a New Year, New me. No. I want us to continue...continue growing. Resolutions are not needed IMO as they often get broken, ie. I will cut out carbs. Not happening !!

What we can do is: Resolve to try something new. Resolve to be bold. Resolve to grow.
This is the perfect time to get a fresh perspective on your life in the new year and think about what went right in the previous year & work on that. My Instagram & blog have been important to me and it's recently given me insight into what to invest in more. Since reading my January '17 post, I can see some good changes but also some more goals I can focus on. A big dose of self-expansion is my aim and I would love for certain loves of mine to prosper; such as mental health, social work and brain tumour awareness..

I feel like I need to invest in my mind every day to really engage with my true self. I will be the first to admit that last year I still had a subconscious thread of self-doubt that reared its head occasionally. I've had a few years where I've had to work on that (with some huge backup from my mum whom I regard as my truest, best friend a girl can have!) Self-doubt causes so many crappy things to form..anger, unfair comparisons, fear, intrusive thoughts, low mood, procrastination.

So what have I learnt in 2017 and what should change? What wisdom can I spread to one and all!? (..sense my sarcasm please. I'm not the oracle) I will try though: - 

When I read posts from say, a couple of years ago, I can see how my writing style has evolved and blossomed. My posting is not consistent, I know, and I don't really know why but my life just gets in the way and I forget. Bizarre as I love writing; it's therapeutic. I used to keep diaries as a teen but then switched to a daily *to-do diary*. I don't want to look back at this post next year and to not have progressed, so by March I would like to publish my brain tumour story and perhaps begin a book as such - if the interest arises of course. 

I really enjoy the spiritual path I've been on & it's helped to understand myself more. However, I have lots I want to learn and as much as I like to learn through trial & error, I could do with some guidance and teaching so more books perhaps, witchy tools, affirmations or a Buddhist course. I want to heighten my energetic vibrations and align with the Universe.

No more excuses or procrastination. This really is my demon sometimes. I have a lot of thoughts that whirl around my head a lot of the time so I certainly need to re-centre myself and gain focus and energy from something very positive such as meditation or alternative therapies.  

I wish to pay attention to matters of wellness. I'm 30 years old now {blimey.} and my health is important- I also want to be in the best shape I can, for me. Be mindful of my diet and exercise self-discipline when it comes to naughty foods that disagree with IBS symptoms! When I do work out, I never regret it but my problem is staying on track for sure. 

Last year, I felt like a lot of misguided judgements were pointed at me. I'm fairly intuitive and definitely felt like every time I tried to date, for instance, a barrier was put in the way {not by me!} I don't know if that's down to the society we live in, or that men just don't get my fairly dark humour. I mean, come-on it's 2018, let's not be so serious yeh!? No-one likes a wet fish. It's not just that though, as a fiery person, I'm also empathetic so it's hard to shake things off. My mum has felt pretty burned by last year; she's what people call a very friendly, lovely, helpful person but that can have its burdens. I won't go further but this year needs to be about balance of character; learning to develop on positive characteristics, let things go but staying true to self ultimately. 

A positive mindset generally begins with self-care I think. Never feel guilty for nurturing yourself. When you take care of you, there’s more of you to go around other people. Make time to relax, whether that's enjoying a warm bath or getting outdoors. I'm making it my mission to take up new hobbies..I love to walk in Wales or the Lake District, so more of that please. But extend it further, tick off the travel list, join a dance club. What I'm saying is, do more of what you love this year. No excuses and no apologies. Claim what you desire!

So..girls (& guys), be the biggest #bossbabe you can this this 2018. Take your dreams, and pursue them by the balls...

A "28 & a half shock to the system" sort of day.

   Hi there Guys!

Blogging. My blog.. Something I've clearly forgotten existed. Wellll, you know me, life gets in the way and my writer's block takes over…To be honest, I will not engulf you with my self pity and actually give the blogosphere/my readers some actual continual material, yes!?

      Back in June, I received an e-mail from one of my fave restaurants; TGI Fridays. They gave me a voucher as it's halfway through the year until my birthday. Anyway, I've now given it some thought..Halfway you see, until I'm 29. Celebrating 29 years of age..Gulp! I nearly chocked on my coffee.

This year is going by so fast, and if you've read my blog, you'll see what a roller coaster of a life I'm living. In recent months, nothing is new there. In fact, I've gone through so many differing emotions and ups and downs- broken record, right? Thus said, this summer has been different for me. I've been a little bit more seclusive I suppose. Elusive & selective to whom I choose to spent time with.
      These past two years have been weird and so very unexpected! But when you sit back and breathe in the world, you see that life is very odd. Weather is crazy, people are strange and media (social&beyond) is downright soul-destroying. It makes you understand more how the select group of us who do not follow the crowd or "be a certain way to please others" or flaunt yourself in a Dorian-Gray-style (as I now refer to it!), are susceptible to suffer from, emotional issues, for instance.

I am a type A human. Yep, I over-analyse, over-think, I write lists [tons of lists], I think about long-term plans, I'm impatient; so sometimes, living in the present and concentrating on something you really enjoy- such as writing, can be difficult to master, ya know? I'm someone who can see the value of work and sacrifice, and the need to look a few steps ahead, but we cannot always control it can we? It's something that anxiety sufferers can probably relate to. I dislike feeling like my life isn't sailing along tickety boo, ever since my illness. So, over these past few months, I've been determined to remain in the present more and more.

A new motto perhaps lovely ones….

Simple but effective. Life is a tricky little lady but here's what I'm taking from this.. Be a shepherd in life. Assert yourself powerfully in order to achieve your goals. There's nothing wrong with exuding your self-worth, but do it in a humble way to help others, not to please or to feel validated [we need no song and dance] Do it all on the quiet and it'll be the positivity that shines!

So, what I've been looking at doing, since I had my mini heart attack at the realisation of my 20s coming to an ever nearer close, is defining some achievable goals that I can use a benchmark. They are the destination yes, but focusing on the journey is far more important. Worrying about future goals are one of the main issues for those with mental health issues, I feel. So try & rewire your brain to see goals as interesting challenges that are in reach: realistic. I'm all over that realism!

1) Pursing more knowledge & development within social work career. I like knowing what path I'm on and having all my chickens in the basket, but right now, living in the moment and seeking adventure is much less pressure for me..so having fun goals is very important. However, knowing that where I'd like to be career-wise is essential but I won't be conforming to deadlines; my past self is gone and I still aim to improve!

2) Upping the fitness regime. Working out makes you look good and feel good ^^ I want to eventually have an overhaul on my working out, improving my overall health and well being with physical fitness,  which in turn, maintains my pretty unnoticeable left-sided weakness & coordination probs. All of this makes you walk around with an abundance of kindness.

3) Owning my own home. I don't want to set myself up to fail, so I'm giving no timeframe. The ebb & flow of life will get me to where I wish to be. Destiny, people, destiny. The main thing to bear in mind is that whether or not you achieve your dreams, “It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it”. Focus on your growth.

4) Adopt another pet. I'm a huge animal lover and if anything, they de-stress me. My overall personality is of warmth but due that pesky type A and my own internal pressures, I can lash out and obviously, I'd prefer not to!

5) FUN goals. As mentioned above, adventure is important, so there a fair few here that I'd love to accomplish..One step at a time remember. They are as follows, take some horse riding & flying lessons, join dance and fitness classes, and learn to play an instrument. These are all basically life long wishes for me but they also involve ££ which takes me to numero uno! All goals flow nicely! 

Bring on the 30s I say haha.

These are termed as SMART goals: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-based. Meaning, they can be broken down so you don't tackle too much, too soon. 

What accomplishments do you wish you have??

Take care guys. Love & Light :-)

PS: Any quotes/images that I provide are from Google images or good ole' Facebook. Any other photos are brought to you by myself. Thought I'd just let that be known so to not aid confusion! 

What Is Love?

Hi Lovely Ones! 

In this instance, I'm going to show you something I added on my Insta {right hand side} in which is something I feel very strongly about right now… 

In the aftermath of the absolutely barbaric attacks of terrorism [or lets be realistic..declaration of War] upon our World, I feel somewhat in limbo within myself. Firstly, with how utterly incomprehensible & tragic these attacks are and also how much we need to cherish love. 
        I'm surrounded by a caring family & friends and realise how much I can take it for granted. Life is short and this quote..I want this. {back/again in life ?} Soulmates are rare to find. Grab love with both hands.

The end of the year is nigh and I don't know whether it's a shift in the treacherous weather making getting out of bed a whole lot harder or a shift in my emotional state, but I'm going from philosophical-loving-gloomy-good humoured-angry in about 5 seconds flat these days. 
       Being that it is exactly ONE month until Christmas and TWO days until my 28th birthday, my stress/anxiety levels could be heightened. Or so one of my friends reckons. Thing is, when I think about the above, I think of all the horrors of the world and then think of me, and how I possibly have thrived on stress for so many years that it somehow all toppled down onto me, and then I feel guilty. Like I'm a fraud, ya know?
      Because I am loved, I'm a lucky person but yet, I still compromise the position I am in. It can be tiring to continue to beat yourself up for things that you can't control. Even more tiring when you still have to function in life as normal & almost lie about how you feel/who you are…[1] 
       Then I figured, it's rejection I fear. Rejection of that kind've soulmate intimacy; that I miss, that I want again, that I can't find yet. Despite the fact that I've now been single over a year (Blimey. That's whizzed by), I have to be honest, if the guys I've been left with are anything to go by, I realllly don't want them in my bed ha! Call me picky but I'm old enough to know what I like & where I'm heading. Yes, I have a type I suppose. Look how that worked out for me. Life, you kill me….!! 

[1] There it is, in typical Luce style, I have backtracked. A month ago I wanted to "Put up a fight" You know the saying "one step forwards, two steps back". It's almost like I am not heeding my own advice. I know exactly what triggers negativity/anxieties for me, yet I still push at it. I also am not liking some peoples' opinions towards mental health; the comments they make that make me think 'Am I being fake?' 
It's those "what ifs and defences"  that are my demon. I'm a passionate person, I over-think things because I care but sometimes I think it can get confused by intensity & can then easily form arguments which get miscommunicated which most definitely ended things for my last relationship. I realise that the fretting that I was feeling back then was probably because I felt I was losing (him). That scared me. But I also scared (him). So I'm glad I know that now. I'm a bit crazy ya know ;-)

After a recent discussion with my neuropsychologist, I definitely felt that I am going to do further research into 'alternative' support- as if I'm being perfectly honest, and as anyone is aware I'm a straightforward kinda girl- I don't gel very well with her. I just think we know ourselves the best and I know what I'm doing. Does that sound inconsiderate or make sense!?

Moving swiftly on to some less, intense chit-chat (!)..my Halloween was lovely. Seemed a pretty fitting holiday this year, considering what emotions whirl through my little head! After that, I got ill for a week or so; struck down with the lurgy- I personally blame the flu jab (taken for my low immune system). So no Fireworks this year….
I've been to the theatre a lot recently, there's nothing more magical than the theatre. Bloody love it! 
       The world knows how to struck us when we're hot eh? ;-) Ha.

Exercise has been fabulous; but half a stone takes BLOODY forever to leave!

Just Keep Going; You are Strong