2020+1 Self-care

Hello, fellow humans! Happy new 2020+1 haha. (Yes, cause basically I think 2020 was a sneak preview..) What do you guys think ? Should I be more optimistic or am I on the money?! I'm a realist, what can I say...

Really though, Happy NY! I honestly hope that 2021 brings with it happiness, success and good health. I think it's needed, huh. On a global scale. We've had chaos, disaster, restrictions & I have no doubt that many of us feel stressed, confused or in need of a pick me up. For those who have suffered loss, I understand the tragedy of this, and I hope time helps to heal somewhat. 

       Perhaps you enjoyed the compact Christmas or was the lack of festive cheer something you missed. Lets face it, it's felt different for sure. Personally, it's been the 'build up' that I missed, no Christmas markets or carol singing with mulled wine at one of my favourite pubs. I've never been OTT with spending and so on, so that was normal (although, high streets are failing currently. V. sad) Tree and house decorated; again, normal traditions. London usually has their annual fireworks display but alas, it was cancelled. For any reader of mine, NYE is nothing too fancy for me: See New years day banter I do however like New Year's Day- which is what I will focus on here for you!

So now the gloom is out the way. Ha. (sorry, my water energy likes to kick in!) You may already be jumping to conclusions, myself included but lets put aside uncertainty and look back at what has gone right for you- What achievements have had, no matter how large or small? 

Before you let this new year fog up your vision, give your emotional state some extra care & attention. January has always been a tad blue-sy, with its dark mornings etc, so lets see if we can celebrate with gusto eh! 2021 is all about Aquarian energy..Divination, authenticity, creation, philanthropy. All we need to focus on this year is being great versions of ourselves; do that self-care so to strengthen wellbeing, relationships/work. I'm talking: -

Trust intuition, your gut- sometimes it knows best

See beyond the narratives, push through the circus of life! 

Embrace fresh air& the beauty of natures- it revitalises energy

Prioritise self and set boundaries with those around. Ex. If you want to read a chapter of a book on a Sunday morning, make it your target! & perhaps stay offline then too..

For instance, my brother and I both got new jobs last year. Mine has been particularly difficult as due to the nature of lockdowns etc, a lot of colleagues were/are working from home, leaving me feeling like a lost lamb quite often! But I've persevered, seen it as a challenge and opportunity to train, learn on my own and think hard about what I want for this year, aside from continue with this new role: -

• Aim to purchase a house or apartment
• Continue to decrease eating meat- and dairy, as neither help my gut tolerance. Love me some cheese though.
• Never settle for a man that I don't feel is worth my energy, no matter how potent the addiction!
• Travel as much as I can (time, money permitting)
• Be around like-minded people as much as poss.

These are not resolutions and I hope to expand on these but this past year has taught me that I need to find people I truly vibe with. This year I zoned in on intuition and what my core morals are, what I wish to fight for in life & who with- It's been thoroughly interesting.

What is your soul now desiring, maybe it is now different to what you originally thought? Hold those dreams close and aim to get them- Don't let a pandemic get in your way, please! 

I wanted this to be short and sweet. I’m spending the day spring cleaning so here above are my NY cupcakes. Until next time, I honestly wish a calm, courageous and fun year to you all :-) 

My 2020 New Year musings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy 2020. I hope that you've enjoyed the festivities and that the new year gives you everything you desire. I cannot believe another decade has zoomed by. I feel good about the '20s I think. She says. I felt bloated & sluggish on NYD so I exercised and went for a winter walk. Then it was back to work, reality. I have shed loads of things to attain and achieve and this did give me some panic- but with some great pep talks from my family and friends over the Christmas period, I am determined to get what I desire.

I wanted to get rid of a horrid situation (so many things about it angered me, that I thought I'd share it with you!) But nahh, I'm not going to air too much dirty laundry; this is not Dear Diary haha. It's unfair so I'll remove most of the narrative but the gist is >>
      So, if you look back on my previous post, I had been dating someone for a while: Decent, interesting person I thought; a few red flags I chose to ignore because I felt an emotional connection that seemed compelling. Meh. Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that someone is cheating- But apparently guys, he wasn't, because we'd ended [I, however wasn't aware of the fact.] Not to worry though, as no hurt was intended (!) Yada yada. Whilst they were going through some struggles, whilst I was constantly trying to check up on how he was...I got told "I need space" They saw fit to give someone else the opportunity to support & care for them. Wow, huh.
      You know when you look back and know exactly where you went wrong yourself, apologised & would have happily talked it over, but cannot fathom why the other person could never understand your point of view? That is disappointing stuff right there! head over to my Insta to see a more insightful post. With this said, my door is always kindly open to unfinished business. 

The aggravating thing is that I think when you put two opposite people together, there are many differences to work through of course, but in my opinion, the intimacy is off the scale.. And maybe, I value that a whole lot more than other people.
Destruction follows, chaos follows. We all make mistakes; no-one's perfect, but I know that whatever move I make, I take accountability of it. Own up. I do at least like people to understand my logic! You have to accept that the energies are for your highest good. Toxic energy leaves for a reason- and I'm not talking about just relationships.

Thing is, when these things happen, I instantly think, oh it's my fault. What's wrong with me, I'm the denominator. What has someone else got that I haven't. My thoughts become obsessive and negative. NO LUCY NO
This was not good. Horrendous whilst I was keeping up appearances at work etc. Then my birthday came in Nov and I thought, screw it, if someone who I cared about could go behind my back like that, I deserve a respectful man; not someone who made me doubt myself. Someone who appreciates you, wants to understand you and your idiocracies. We need solid don't we, no silly games. 2020 is a time you gain that, even if that means being your own soulmate.

The power is our own. Our choices are our own. I put lots of things in motion last year yet it still didn't feel right. I need to trust my own choices and instincts more, but also take risks this year. I know that I can easily hold back on things that I particularly want but it equally scares me. So I sabotage it - or do I? I certainly don't deserve to be discarded. I have an appreciation of people with mental health issues. I work in MH. I always wish to support, but I won't tolerate anyone adding to my own stresses unless they take responsibility for their own actions. You reap what you sow. Hi Karma!

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Soo I'm taking inspiration from a previous post of mine: Boss babe Spiritually, 2020 will be a big, powerful year of change and reward. I'm hoping for physical manifestation. If you see the number 4 flying around, take that as a very positive sign from the Universe :-) 4 is power, foundation, elemental. I want to take heed of my above post and embrace self care & wellness. Consider healthy new habits and routines to get into better shape: reading more often, go for long walks, take up that hobby that should have happened in 2019...

So what will be on your Self Care List? Maybe try writing a small goal could be set for relationships, career, interests, physical/mental health, personal growth. Whatcha reckon, fancy joining me on a quest to let go of habits that hold you back, cope with stressful situations with more ease, plan fun things to do in advance, find a beautiful love, heal from grief ?? 

 

Let's just boss babe this year!

Hi everyone! And hi 2018...I feel kind of freaked out at how quickly the years are flying by if I'm honest. Are you ?

It has also got me to thinking/re-evaluating what is best for me in the route I'm taking in life. Every January I get rather nostalgic and whimsical thinking about goals and past achievements. (I spent last week feeling rotten with a cold so this week can count as my new beginning!)
       This said, this isn't a New Year, New me. No. I want us to continue...continue growing. Resolutions are not needed IMO as they often get broken, ie. I will cut out carbs. Not happening !!

What we can do is: Resolve to try something new. Resolve to be bold. Resolve to grow.
This is the perfect time to get a fresh perspective on your life in the new year and think about what went right in the previous year & work on that. My Instagram & blog have been important to me and it's recently given me insight into what to invest in more. Since reading my January '17 post, I can see some good changes but also some more goals I can focus on. A big dose of self-expansion is my aim and I would love for certain loves of mine to prosper; such as mental health, social work and brain tumour awareness..

I feel like I need to invest in my mind every day to really engage with my true self. I will be the first to admit that last year I still had a subconscious thread of self-doubt that reared its head occasionally. I've had a few years where I've had to work on that (with some huge backup from my mum whom I regard as my truest, best friend a girl can have!) Self-doubt causes so many crappy things to form..anger, unfair comparisons, fear, intrusive thoughts, low mood, procrastination.

So what have I learnt in 2017 and what should change? What wisdom can I spread to one and all!? (..sense my sarcasm please. I'm not the oracle) I will try though: - 

When I read posts from say, a couple of years ago, I can see how my writing style has evolved and blossomed. My posting is not consistent, I know, and I don't really know why but my life just gets in the way and I forget. Bizarre as I love writing; it's therapeutic. I used to keep diaries as a teen but then switched to a daily *to-do diary*. I don't want to look back at this post next year and to not have progressed, so by March I would like to publish my brain tumour story and perhaps begin a book as such - if the interest arises of course. 

I really enjoy the spiritual path I've been on & it's helped to understand myself more. However, I have lots I want to learn and as much as I like to learn through trial & error, I could do with some guidance and teaching so more books perhaps, witchy tools, affirmations or a Buddhist course. I want to heighten my energetic vibrations and align with the Universe.

No more excuses or procrastination. This really is my demon sometimes. I have a lot of thoughts that whirl around my head a lot of the time so I certainly need to re-centre myself and gain focus and energy from something very positive such as meditation or alternative therapies.  

I wish to pay attention to matters of wellness. I'm 30 years old now {blimey.} and my health is important- I also want to be in the best shape I can, for me. Be mindful of my diet and exercise self-discipline when it comes to naughty foods that disagree with IBS symptoms! When I do work out, I never regret it but my problem is staying on track for sure. 

Last year, I felt like a lot of misguided judgements were pointed at me. I'm fairly intuitive and definitely felt like every time I tried to date, for instance, a barrier was put in the way {not by me!} I don't know if that's down to the society we live in, or that men just don't get my fairly dark humour. I mean, come-on it's 2018, let's not be so serious yeh!? No-one likes a wet fish. It's not just that though, as a fiery person, I'm also empathetic so it's hard to shake things off. My mum has felt pretty burned by last year; she's what people call a very friendly, lovely, helpful person but that can have its burdens. I won't go further but this year needs to be about balance of character; learning to develop on positive characteristics, let things go but staying true to self ultimately. 

A positive mindset generally begins with self-care I think. Never feel guilty for nurturing yourself. When you take care of you, there’s more of you to go around other people. Make time to relax, whether that's enjoying a warm bath or getting outdoors. I'm making it my mission to take up new hobbies..I love to walk in Wales or the Lake District, so more of that please. But extend it further, tick off the travel list, join a dance club. What I'm saying is, do more of what you love this year. No excuses and no apologies. Claim what you desire!

So..girls (& guys), be the biggest #bossbabe you can this this 2018. Take your dreams, and pursue them by the balls...

Hands up masochists!!

Emotional Masochism.

Now there's a opening statement for you! I was having a read through my blog and how I wish to enhance it to its full potential {because it really needs it!} Anyway, I was thinking to myself, "What would my readers like to read; articles about beauty, fashion, adventures...which I do love. Or real life? Some insights into my soul, my personal issues or just my everyday life"-- And from this, I discovered that my readers get the most satisfaction from reading about how I get through life with the added pressures that may come about, due to internal struggles that have occurred from time to time.
       So I'm sticking with that! If you feel differently or think of anything I could improve upon, let me know..I'm just a message away guys!

In my last post [sorry, how long ago Luce?] we were in the depths of Spring, well now we have here our Summer Solstice, yay :-) Offering us some flighty, warm feels, hope and fiery energy. Yes? Well not for everyone. I'm doing well but not everyone has those sunny, light emotions and it can be an isolating, confusing time for some. We have also endured, as a Universe, some horrific Terror attacks, natural disasters and fires. The list is endless and devastating, but this in itself can make may a person quite fearful.

For those who suffer from an invisible/mental illness, just because there is a lightness or warmth in the air, it doesn't mean that their troubles just disappear, and unfortunately not everyone has the skill of empathy to understand that fact. For some people, getting out of bed in the morning is a huge task; they may torment themselves for not being happy*, be on the verge of tears.   *never feel bad about that
       For example, we're half way through the year which can flood us with some tricky astro alignments that can cause the worry about your next steps in life's next cycle. Do you ever feel like this? It can seem like one step forward & two back, and in the past six months I've definitely had feelings of…'what have I learned, am I fitter, why haven't I dated, have I saved enough ££' This kind of masochism makes you feel as though you're on a rollercoaster 100% of the time. Perhaps flip those thoughts and consider the rollercoaster as a practice run: Life is a journey!
       There can be pressure during the longer, brighter days to not emotionally hibernate or get stuck in a loop. This surely is tough going if your 'get up & go' has flown. I say it alll the time, but as it is summer, get yourself out in nature, exercise, listen to birdsong, bring colourful, aromatic flowers indoors. Trust that it'll improve your wellbeing, even if it's just a smidge.

Carrie Bradshaw proclaims "I must be some sort of masochist or something" - SATC.

Why do we do this. Go round in circles. We know it's bad, we know it's insane but still, there's a lingering self-flagellation going on…the subconsious want of experiencing pain and ache, even though it does you no good. La Douleur Exquise. It's a pretty sadomasochism point of view but it's true. It's pain that becomes more intense, psychosomatic. A flood of worry and uncertainty can consume a person so quickly, even when life has been improving. Enough-Don't do it-Don't destroy the good elixir! Find that helpful resource and focus on that; be it a friend, parent, an animal or therapist. I recently heard that the most evolved people are the most broken. Who knows if that is true, but that colourful past you have, embrace it. Emotionally torturing oneself over & over will only lead to heartache. Think of law of attraction, you've done the work so the world will do the rest- we need to learn to let things shift for the better by themselves...

If you can take any tips from me, which I hope someone can, remember that the year is not over. Life is not over for you. Perhaps an open heart can lead to an open mind & anything can happen. Good, bad, sometimes we never know but 2017 in particular is all about new beginnings and manifestation. Use that to your advantage; live those days, don't question why you're doing so well and then revert back to type in a state of emotional chaos. Is it worth it? 

Destination Unknown!

Tuesday evening. The nights are still not showing much sign of getting lighter just yet.. so time for a serving of a catch up whilst cooking up a steak dinner! 

I don't know about anybody else but January is never one of my favourite months; it's miserable weather, long winded & you're usually quite penniless :-/ My month was definitely no different so I've been glad to see Feb! All the mundanities and responsibilities seem to hit you hard, but I always think it's best to get all of it out the way. Do you agree? 
       I tend to have vets bills to think about also around this time of year so I've been saving a stash for my two little sweethearts haha [cannot forget their needs!] 

Bobby & Tilda <3

[ More on them when I devise a next post as this is just an update; I don't wish to go off on a tangent! I have so many ideas whirling around my head, that I need to put pen to paper again. Just need to find me a fancy new journal to jot my ideas down on to- buying something else new surely helps writers' block, right!? Hehe. ]

Hm. With the above all said though, I've kept a smile on and feeling more determined than ever to continue fulfilling my dreams; even though some were trampled on, as you may well know! 
       I have a lot of birthdays to think about in Jan & Feb, but thankfully I love an excuse for a fair few beverages with the birthday boys and girls haha. Love gift shopping too- generosity is such a positive action.
I've fitted in two theatre events so far this year {Giselle; ballet & Jersey Boys; for my dad's 65th birthday} - If anyone has seen either, I'd love to hear your thoughts on both, since I'm a keen theatre goer :-)

Top & Jeans: Topshop Petite
Biker boots: Clarks 

With it being Ash Wednesday the other day, I figured I may give up a sinful behaviour for lent, such as the stress I give myself unnecessarily- hard when I can't control this much but I'm giving it a go. Now, for anyone that may have read this post: A question of faith, you'll see I class myself as agnostic & I remain so, but since my break-up a while back, I've tried very hard to become more spiritual as a person. More in tune with my being. Due to the happenings of the past year, I am now considering being confirmed; which I feel pretty content about is I feel it will aid my spiritual journey in some way…

At the beginning of the year I made a vow to myself to gain more knowledge about spirituality. So far so good. I have so much more to learn though! This jewellery is remaining quite a permanent fixture: A crescent moon enveloped by a citrine healing crystal:
it is said that citrine associated with good luck and abundance. It is a boost to your wellbeing & promotes positive energy, light and clarity thus, dispels feelings of unworthiness & bring relief to those with anxiety, destructive tendencies etc.
The lady at the wiccan retailer picked it out especially for me- she clearly sensed some vibes going on. I'm still unsure on the validity of such practices but you know what, for anyone whom is struggling in any way [or has an interest, of course], give it a go :-D

The above is a powerful photo courtesy of a series of art; 'My anxious heart' by Katie Joy Crawford. Link as follows: http://www.katiejoycrawford.com/myanxiousheart
I have only just come across it but it's a great representation of how debilitating anxiety disorders can be. Worth a look!!
       All mental health issues as a collective need to be discussed more and not dismissed, thus leaving sufferers battling an invisible illness. If I think back upon my own recent issues, for me, the best way to describe my mind is akin to "a million thoughts whizzing inside my head, colliding into each other & vying for my attention". Quite tiresome, but much more stable & much more me. 

I definitely hope that my blog has begun to carry some hope for people who may have similar issues to myself and I certainly wish to showcase it off a tad more, so by all means, share any posts if you would like! The BBC (UK) are broadcasting a documentary season currently, called #inthemind. It is in the aim to explore mental health so to challenge the stigma and heighten the conversation. The key thing to remember is that so many people forget that the mind can get sick, just as the physical body does. This needs to change. The brain is our foundation of our body/soul.

I understand that on paper, you may think there’s no hope but there’s no absolutely hopeless situation. I’m not idealistic; sometimes it might not work but sometimes showing faith in yourself and persevering does make a difference. When you have 100% faith in yourself, everything can be achievable, but you also need to realise that mistakes can happen, but that’s just letting you know you’re human. Just remember to confide in someone.

On a final note, one massive annoyance for me at the moment is how utterly single I feel ha…it was my second Valentine's Day alone. I mean, I've never been someone who's 'into' the holiday per se- but I'm sure fellow singletons will see where I'm coming from!! It has made me miss what I previously had & wonder what on earth I did to suffer such hurt; but then I remember I am be better off how I am as I am with people who love me :-)
       Thus said, I'm beginning to think I'm either extremely picky of my choice of a male (!) or I'm just destined to be on the shelf, as it were. Neither fill me with joy. I'm definitely out of luck though. Honestly, if I get one more person saying they're after a, ahem, ménage à trios shall we say, I may possibly end up serving a sentence…Ok. Perhaps I wouldn't go that far but seriously, being SO out of options is not my thing. I didn't sign up for this hahaha. I need to have a hard think about what & who I want. Big decisions ahead people, big decisions.

Until next time.. 

3 Month Itch vs. 3 Month Celebration??

Hi there folks- long time no see! So I want to treat this post as a bit of an epiphany speech, yeah, lets go with that one...

Not to blow my own trumpet (but who else will?) I've never had a form of rejection and probably didn't handle that too well so I did feel lousy, sad, confused, lost, angry, betrayed, hurt….and no I'm not looking for a violin but I want people to gain some comfort or understanding that it is ok to feel these emotions after a break-up, let yourself feel them; it's perfectly normal :-) Please just see it as that and nothing more :-D 

I believe that most women would say it takes half the time you were together with some someone to truly "get over that someone"… Now, if I were to compare that to myself, I'd be waiting a jolly long time to "get over that someone"!!! To quote Carrie Bradshaw, where does the love go? Usually into the arms of another, lets not sugar-coat that! Perhaps men, particularly, spot another woman and decide they fancy that instead !?

I would never be prepared for that so I took the realistic option in order to move on to pastures new. I figured if a person meant anything to you, those feelings don't just go away or disperse. Personally, I don't understand people who move on really quickly, I've seen it happen so often; it's like being single sounds too lonely or something so chop chop, must find someone ASAP! Sure, if you're cold hearted or truly just faked/lied the love or lost it instantly, then way to go; you're free to move on to the next vict…I'm sorry, love of your life :-P 
             But not everyone feels like that and I certainly didn't. So, I thought to myself, no, I had love for the boyfriend which once was so if I want to wallow in self pity for a while I bloody well will! Might not be the best of choices but it was my way of coping. I didn't wish to move straight on to someone else but I did start dating- sadly to no avail & no-one ideal has come along [YET], it's like finding a needle in a haystack haha, but I feel like being on my own and learning to not have a man there beside me at the mo, has helped restore some identity and try some self-improvement- It has not deterred me from finding love again, sure I can be honest and say I thought I was done but it appeared that I clearly had more bad points to my personality to this person, than good, and I'm not cool with that. A guy I've been seeing actually nicely pointed out that if someone is negatively looking at the things that you do not do or have, rather than the positive- then they aren't worth your time. No-one is perfect guys, we all have faults but we should work through them with a significant other not just look at the bad times!!

Hello Short Hair!!

I have heightened emotions anyway due to having my brain surgery and due to not being given a mature explanation/apology I felt like my world was not justified; like my future was ripped away from me! Now…I was quite low for a couple of weeks, but I had to start a new job so I knew that I had to pick myself up. I'm pretty good at gaining strength from unknown places..and this is what happened: - 

• I lost a stone in weight. I lost 4lbs in 2weeks: Not the greatest advertisement (and I don't recommend it) but a broken heart spurred me to carry on. I started eating healthier food, exercising; now I just need to maintain it and tone my body up!
• Instead of wondering what I did wrong, I looked at myself and thought "Their loss" I have differences and quirks that make me, me. Facing adversity should have taught me that already :) Cheesy but be in love with yourself, don't go getting yourself depressed, withdrawn…build yourself up, buy new outfits! 
• I got new haircuts and dyed it back to my single girl dark locks. Perfecto!
• I threw myself into my job- this was tricky. It was quite draining having to put a bit of a facade on in order to do the job justice but I'm doing alright and it's a fun job 
• I accepted dates by men who previously weren't overly interested in me..pure ego boost yeah, lets be honest there. Good to know us ladies can be missed by men!
• I took time to think of my own future plans, I often see a relationship I'm in as an "us" so the "I" is now well and truly back: Studying/voluntary work, potential business ventures, personal development courses such as sign language, take a final plunge into sports that my illness stunted me from doing, much more cooking, brain tumour ambassador work…It's thrilling to have just ME to think about!
• I spent more time with friends and actively listened to their opinions and advice. I love the friends I have. Not to mention my godsend of a family :-) Be sure to let them know what you need; a film night, indulge in shopping, go out for cocktails..it will revive your spirit. Try not to dwell on painful memories; then raise your standards with new lovers & accept that your ex will move on- they're not replacing you, they probably just emotionally broke off from the relationship before it ended and fell in love with someone else (harsh but true) 
• I understood that this was obviously not the person for me, as much as I wanted them to me, they weren't good enough..they didn't love me enough…End of!

If anyone has any other advice to offer up for others or thoughts on the post, comment away :-)